Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
I HOPE THIS IS MY LAST VENTING JOB.
October 21, 2006
12:40 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I know I'm beating a dead horse, but it's friday night and I'm alone and feeling a little lonely. I was doing pretty good today, trying to keep the ex off my mind and all. The good thing is I know it's over and I know I wont break no-contact anymore. (Thats for sure) The thing thats been bothering me these last couple of hours is this. She could be cool with someone who threatend her, stalked her, and lied, and cheated on her, but she wont even give me the time of day. Not that I want it now anyway, but 2 weeks ago when I contacted her, she seemed hell bent on ending our conversation and never speaking 2 me again. I did soooo much for this girl, when this asswhole was harrassing her, she use to come 2 work crying and I'd be the shoulder 2 cry on. When she needed someone 2 talk to. I was there for her. When ever she needed something I was there. She use to tell me "i don't know what I'd do with out you" and overnight, she was gone. She tells me she didn't want to upset her parents by being with someone with kids. But she has no problem talking 2 someone who her dad had to call the cops on 2 get this guy to stop. I don't get it, I know I've been venting alot lately, and I feel embarrased to post so much, I just needed 2 get that out there and see if I can get some helpful replies. Thanks.

October 21, 2006
1:19 am
Avatar
Jenni
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino, I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. Detaching is never an easy thing to accomplish.

I don't have any real advice, just wanted to offer some moral support and let you know that you're not alone!

Hang in there! (((Santino)))

October 21, 2006
1:26 am
Avatar
lovinglife
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 9
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

oh Santino in the last couple of days I've been wanting to break contact : ( just been keeping myself busy cause I know it will only end in hurt.

And post, vent as much as you want, don't be embarrassed. This is one big venting, posting family here!! Eventually we get enough of it out that we can move on.

October 21, 2006
8:05 am
Avatar
startingover
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino

None of it makes sense. I call it "obsessing" when I let myself wonder why, why? There are no answers. People are complicated, and manipulative people are even more so, they don't think or feel like kinder people do, they may be impulsive, or liars, or just not worth a damn.

This really will get easier, and we are all here in the meantime. Take care of yourself.

SO

October 21, 2006
8:32 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Santino,

I know how hard this is for you, letting go is simply a long process and often we do not know the answers to why. You ask the question of why she would fall so heavily for someone who treats her so badly. That is always such a complex issue. We cannot always help who we fall for but we can learn for the next time. I wonder if you ask yourself why you put so much on someone who clearly was selfish for you, why do you fall for her? The way I see it she was using excuses to commit to you, her parents. She is old enough, has a mind of her own. She hides behind them. As much as I don't want to say, not to hurt your feelings but it simply appears that she did not care for you as much as you cared for her. This one I can understand. When a person we love pushes us away, it hurts and this hurt is what is causing you to move forward. Her moving away and her lack of compassion to you in the end is also hurtful. But it is a blessing as well. because now you can have the time to heal properly. Im betting in a matter of months after spending time with your thoughts and feelings, that you will be feeling better. And since you have such a big heart, it will open again and the right person will come along for you. One that will appreciate you for who you are, one who will love you back. Don't give up. You will do fine. And I doubt it is your last venting job but it is ok to vent. Venting is a part of life. It is holding it in that is no good. Letting out is good.

October 21, 2006
9:20 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good morning all 🙂

October 21, 2006
9:49 am
Avatar
cyndra820
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Santino,

Jenni and Taj are right. Detaching is not an easy process. We expect it to be difficult but rarely can we guage HOW difficult it will be.

Searching for an answer to why she's in contact with this other person is useless. Taj may be right that she didn't care for you as much as you cared for her. But she may not care for herself as much as you cared for her.

I don't know what works for you, but I turn off the thoughts by doing a guided meditation. It helps put something into my brain other than my thoughts. Once the meditation is done I move on to some other task.

Don't know if that helped.

Regards,
Cyndra

October 21, 2006
11:32 am
Avatar
Notsure
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We hope that they will wake up and realize their "mistake" of getting back together with the ex or we interpret their smile or the we'll talk later suggestion as sufficiently enough to restart the relationship that we had with them.

It doesn't matter where or what she is now. Even if the two of you could get back together TODAY it won't be the same as what you had. And besides it isn't going to happen.

I have been there so know that it is painful, confusing and at times makes you pissed off but IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE ON.

Use this lesson to help others as well as to help yourself become a better (not bitter) person.

Regards. Notsure

October 22, 2006
2:27 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

notsure, thank you sooo much. i've been repeating what you said to myself all day, and it really has helped "be a better person, not a bitter one" I love that line, and everytime I find myself feeling bitter, I repeat this line to myself, thanks again. 🙂

October 22, 2006
3:26 pm
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino,

If this girl wanted to be with someone who harrassed her, cheated on her and cause her so much pain instead of being with someone who appears loving, caring and respectful, then she is a train wreck waiting to happen and you should be glad you are not on her tracks.
I think when we get involved with people and approach life with logic and common sense and they don't, we are left very confused and always wondering the why's and what if's. The trust is, it's there problems there problems that no matter how much love, support and understanding we give, it will never fix or cure or help them. These are people traveling down roads that lead to no where, they use no road maps and resent it when they are handed one.
you need to stop thinking "what was wrong with me that she didn't want me" and start seeing it for what it realy was. A sick girl with a lot of problems, more problems then you could have ever imagined and only saw a part of.
I do know it's hard because I think we also morn the potential we build up in our minds of them and a relationship lasting.
Keep busy, go out with friends on a Friday night or go to a mall, do something. The alone time is when it tends to hit us badly.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
45
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111049
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38581
Posts: 714358
Newest Members:
Goldyy, nickvoz, jron1945bas, juliaopty, uoi, jamescortes
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information