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I have stooped to an all time low!
May 23, 2005
6:10 pm
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codep
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OMG I cant believe the words coming out of my mouth, what have I done? I was having such a hard time getting over my ex, I lied to him and told him I was pregnant. I feel like a soap opera queen that is in need of some serious serious psychological treatment. I dont know if i did it to try and get him back or to make him feel bad because I was hurting. OMG what am i supposed to do now? please help me!

May 23, 2005
6:19 pm
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I've never admitted this to anyone... but I did the same thing as you. I told an ex that I was pregnant (eventually "miscarried"). It is the most horrible, shameful, disgusting lie I have ever told and I have NEVER shared it with one person, but I want you to know that you are not alone. We all do crazy, desperate things when we are trying to hold on. Please don't beat yourself up about it... just try and learn from it. Can you tell him you made a mistake and you are not really pregnant afterall? Faulty Test or something?? Sorry, I don't have any good answers!!

May 23, 2005
6:23 pm
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codep
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no, I took it to far. I actually went thru the trouble of falsifying a document stating that I was pregnant. OMG.. Good to know I"m not alone though...I'm sorry you had to go thru that, I can relate... I cant bear the thought of telling him that I lied, but I want to confess so I dont have it on my chest for the rest of my life, but hey what are the odds I will ever talk to him again after he finds out that i had a misscarriage or "whatever".. geez i feel like such a desperate idiot..

May 23, 2005
6:29 pm
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codep
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what did he say/do after the "miscarriage"

May 23, 2005
6:34 pm
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I told him I didn't want to discuss it because it was too painful, when the truth was that I was too embarrassed to possibly continue my lie. He respected my wishes and never brought up the subject again. That was definitely my "rock bottom". That experience helped me to let go of him. I couldn't believe that I could have done such a thing. I hated myself so much for that, so I know exactly how you feel...

May 23, 2005
6:36 pm
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codep
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when and how did the 2 of you break up? see this guy is telling me he doesnt want a relationship with me b/c he is not ready for it right now, but wants to be here for me and "the baby" as much as he can be. I know as soon as I tell him there is no baby in whatever way I do that he will no longer be a part of my life.

May 23, 2005
6:45 pm
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My relationship was completely screwed up to begin with. We lived 800 miles away from each other... I flew across the country to visit him (I actually surprised him because I knew if he saw me again, that he'd remember how much he loved me and would leave everything to be with me). He has a small child that lives with her mom and he needed to stay in the State he lived in to be close to her. He loves his daughter and didn't want to leave her, which is very honorable, but I was SICK!!!! We spent the whole weekend together and ended up having the greatest time...but that's all it was. A weekend. It didn't change anything, like I thought it would. He still didn't see a future for us, living so far apart... so that's where the "baby" came in. I was desperate!!!

May 23, 2005
6:48 pm
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codep
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I understand, so why didnt you consider moving to him?

May 23, 2005
6:50 pm
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So, even with the baby in the picture, he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you? Ouch!!! That hurts!!! You have to tell him the truth somehow... I know how hurt you are, but Think of how much it is probably tearing him apart right now too. He feels like his whole life is about to change... I wouldn't let it go too much longer, because then it will be soooo much harder to get out of. Maybe, you could just start bleeding... Not that I think lying is the answer, but misscarriages do happen all the time and it would possibly end things without him hating you.

May 23, 2005
6:52 pm
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I have two children in the state that I live in... that I couldn't move away from their Dad... so looking back now, the relationship truly was impossible. I just couldn't see it then. I was completely out of control...

May 23, 2005
6:56 pm
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codep
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yeah I know, I was going to leave town and just let him think whatever. But I cant just leave him hanging, I know it will trouble his mind his entire life. Maybe I'll go ahead and leave and then tell him via email after I'm gone. I dunno, a tangled web we weave.....I cant believe I've done this. the worst part is I had sex "with someone else" I'll never talk to again, that I hardly knew, during my last ovulation time and now I really could be pregnant.

May 23, 2005
6:57 pm
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Anonymous
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co-dep I have never done that, but trust me, I have thought of it, just to keep him around so in time he would forgive me. At least I thought that, but then I never did it. Don't feel too bad, you remember how you feel right now, and that in itself with prevent you from doing it again.

And the guy sounds like a total loser.

May 23, 2005
6:58 pm
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I'll be praying that you are not pregnant... When is your period due?

May 23, 2005
6:58 pm
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codep
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I'll never do it again!

May 23, 2005
6:59 pm
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codep
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around the end of the month my period is due

May 23, 2005
7:02 pm
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Once you get through this (and you will)... Just think of the great lessons that will have been learned!!!!! You will be so much wiser because of this experience!!! Be strong!!! I'm here if you need to talk. TC

May 23, 2005
7:08 pm
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codep
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thanks so much TC and Aces, I felt so bad, Like i was the only person in the world that would even think of such things, I'm not saying it's right, I will never in my life do it again. I know I"ll get thru this to. Geez, I am just so dissapointed in myself to have sunk to such a desperate level, It sure tells me about my self esteem and my extreme co-dependency. Thank you for confiding in me TC, I know it must not have been easy for you. I feel special that you shared your deepest secret with me and in turn has helped me! ((hugs)) I'll keep you posted!

May 23, 2005
9:10 pm
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chickyfighter
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Codep, I can understand why you'd do what you did. Insanity leads to more insanity unless we catch ourselves. I think now it's time to repair the damage as best as you can. I think somehow you need to get a hold of the situation and just tell him that you either had a miscarriage, or that the test result was wrong, ect. but this must be eating you up... I have also thought about using that...many women actually get pregnant on purpose, but again it is out of craziness from our part, feeling rejected and wanting to hold on so hard. Don't feel condemmed, yu did what alot of us have thought of doing. Let us kow how you are doing.

May 23, 2005
9:18 pm
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Deena
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You do crazy shit when you are in love. I thought about telling that lie, but never had the guts to say it to him. Figured he wouldn't care anyway. This will make you stronger. Lesson learned.

May 24, 2005
1:23 am
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gingerleigh
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Definitely get this off your chest, tell him. He has a right to know. Don't say it's a miscarriage. You can say that the results were wrong, or you misunderstood, but if you say you are pregnant, and then "miscarry", he is losing a baby too. Just end the lie now. I am not picking on you or lecturing. This is just extra guilt that you don't need to live with. Be straight with him not for his sake, but for yours.

May 24, 2005
10:03 am
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spicegirl2005
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Big surprise I did this when I was 17 years old with an ex..I didn't think of the future..all I cared about was keeping him at all cost. I thought about telling my most recent ex the same thing - but didn't..But I can totally understand where you are coming from here. You get to a point where you will do "anything" to keep them. I was at a point not too long ago where I would have given up everything in my life just to be with him...and that made me feel even worse..to know how desperate I was acting. I would recommed you to take a step back for a few days and try to look at the situation as an outsider..The right thing will come to you!! keep your chin up!!

May 24, 2005
10:24 am
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revelation
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Hello, this must be really horrible for u, but I think its quite common behaviour...desperation and despair leads us to do such things...its human nature I fear. I just had a miscarriage in January, its a horrible thing to happen and emotionally...I think it would be quite hard to fake. Also, its not a nice experience for the guys either, the sense of loss is quite depressing. So, I'd say you got a second opinion and the results were negative...tell him these things can happen sometimes.

Good Luck,
Rev.

May 24, 2005
2:00 pm
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codep
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I've decided to confess to him! I hope one day he can find forgivness in his heart even though I'll never talk to him again!

May 24, 2005
2:06 pm
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You are very brave codep....You are doing the right thing. I'll be thinking of you...Good luck.

May 24, 2005
2:09 pm
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kathygy
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codep, you are doing the right thing to be honest with him. You will feel better.

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