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i have reported the abuse.(suzieQ)
May 12, 2009
11:09 am
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RobynB
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Hey Suzie,

Good for you in continuing the good fight!

Ma Strong is right; a year from now, life will be so different. One year ago in my life, I was co-dependent for love and affection (which I confused with "worth") on the roommate of my former abusive ex. He was the cheater and played a lot of mind games. In the end, when I put my foot down like you are doing now, he showed up at "my" bar on "my" night with the girl he cheated on me with wearing all of my dead exes clothes!!! Also, it was the one year anniversary of my exes death!!! And when that didn't get a reaction out of me, he finally stopped contacting me and even though it was hard at first, and I still look whenever I drive past his house and see him in the yard, the feeling that I should stop or talk has faded and faded, and today I am RELIEVED that I didn't give in, even though it was hard, REALLY hard, at times. In some ways, I got the closure I needed from the suicidal ex by finishing the relationship with his roommate.

Anyhow I digress, but at this point, contacting him any further will simply put you into the "don't take seriously" file for the police and he knows that too. All those gifts *might* have been his way of trying to get a positive response, so he could tell police you are crazy and making stuff up, so make sure the boundary stays up for your own good. Manipulators are always one step ahead of their victim, and you will not play his game any longer!

Don't let the other girls and their boyfriends get you down. You know, one of them might be hiding the same kind of secret... you never know what goes on behind closed doors. You may have some wishful thinking going on in regards to having a relationship like them, but they may be thinking wishfully about being as strong as you! Anyone can find a Mr. Right Now. It will take time and patience to find the person who appreciates you... and you are no doubt a great catch, I mean, look at all the exciting things you do! I envy your European travels... I'm just a former East Coast American turned Midwestern country bumpkin! 🙂

Several of us have been discussing the "aftermath" of abusive relationships in my posts: irrational habits, etc, that have come to light, especially AFTER you meet someone. Just know that you are not alone in this "rebuilding" process... you will have bad times when you feel sad and want him back, you'll have bad times when you beat yourself up over having ever felt that way or allowing yourself to be abused, and then you'll have strong huge moments when you see the world again as the person you were BEFORE... and then, even bigger moments when you realize how big you are NOW. And it all comes and goes in waves. But it's part of the process and you are not the first or the last to go through it.

Enjoy your trip!

((((SuzieQ))))

May 12, 2009
1:21 pm
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PreciousG
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HEY Suzie!

It so Wonderful to hear from you! I have been thinking of you everyday wondering how you are and how your trip is going. I would love to hear more about the article that you are writing if you feel comfortable sharing.

You are really making some very insightful and healthy decisions. You are getting stronger everyday girl! Most importantly you are telling your truth and allowing your voice to be heard. I am soooo proud of you.

I know it is scary and it can make you feel as you say "overly sensitive and insecure". These emotions are normal. Try not to let them over take you though. Use them as a guide. That may sound silly but I think these emotions that you are experincing can help you to better protect yourself.

I think RobynB is absolutely right. The girls that have boyfriends may be hiding a secrte like yours or may be even a bigger secret. I used to look at other couples and even other girls and think that they had the perfect life and I was such a loser because I couldn't keep a boyfriend let alone get anyone to propose to me.

Well, one day I was on my way home from work and an Angel whispered in my ear "how do you know that?" I was thought a minute and realized that first of alll we hear about failed relationships, domestic violence, ect. every single day. The realtionship didn't go bad in that moment it was going bad all along. Besides you really can't judge a book by its cover. Just because it looks good on the outside doesn't mean it is all love and roses.

I was reminded of this last Sunday. I was weeding my garden and spreading dirt when a girl approached me and asked if I had lost my dog. I had a sign on my fence about a lost dog but it wasn't my dog. Anyway, we began talking and discovered how much we had in common, it was scary. See, I see her everyday when I go running/walking in the park. I would look at her and think how beautiful she is that she has a boyfriend that loves her, many friends, and great job. Boy was ever wrong! Now here is really irony for ya, she thought the same things about me! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!!! Turns out she and her twin sister are in the same situation as I and may us are here. I couldn't believe it. Talk about getting hit in the head and reminded that you really can't judge a book by its cover! Bottom line for me anyway is this, everyone has a story and when I find myself spoinning a story about somone I stop myself and remind myself of that.

Also, I think that when we are comparing ourselves to others it is just another reminder that we need to be focusing on ourselves and giving ourselves some TLC.

Suzie, you are going to make it through all this, I promise. You have shown such strength, courage, self-love, and determination. Again, I know that it is scary and even unbearable at times but in those moments you can now look back and remember the success you have already had to get you through that moment in time. Becasue Suzie, you have already been very succsessful. Now, you can rely on you and your success for that comfort.

In regard to his sister, I really do not like being right sometimes. I just hope she hasn't been to awful. I don't know what she has done but I would definitly stir clear of her from now on. I am soooo sorry. I know what it is like to thing that you can trust someone and thing that they are going to be there for you only to have them totally leave you in the lurch. I am just glad that you were able to see her and her behavior for what it is.

I am doing ok. I had a major break through last week. On day last week I was crying and crying. While I was folding close and crying I heard Dr. Phil say "Winners do what losers don't want to do". I felt like he was talking directly at me. It that instant I stopped crying and realized that I am winner because I have faced and conquered many things that I have not wanted to do in the last 2 years. Moreover, my EX is a loser becasue he not only didn't he respond to my first e-mail but has not even had the common dencency to aknowledge that he received the second e-mail. Well, he is loser for not facing what he needs to face. He is a coward too.

I am talking about him or anyone for that matter being a loser in the typical sense that we use the term "oh , he is such a loser". I think what he meant, or least this is how I chose to look at it, was that "losers" lose out on life and bettering them selves by not facing what what they need to to grow and be healthy.

That one statement totally changed my perspective on my sistuation. That one statement has set free and has allowed me to finally, move on with my life. Oh my GOSH I can't tell you how liberating it was and is. WOOHOO!

I am sorry this has turned into a very long post.

How much longer is your trip? I hope that the remainder of your trip is inlighting and successful.

Thinking of you always, and sending Angels your way.

((((Suzie))))

PreciousG

May 12, 2009
1:51 pm
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RobynB
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(((Precious G))) - I used to think the same thing: why are these guys marrying her? Why won't someone marry me?! I even come with my own ring! 🙂 Now I just laugh, because I think about all the creeps I wanted to marry me instead? OMG, as if I would even want THEM now!!! LOL!

Oh, and Suzie, happy belated birthday since I didn't mention it in my earlier post!

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