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I have really messed up aga
September 20, 2005
9:15 am
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mixednuts
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September 20, 2005
9:16 am
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sewunique
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Try again?

September 20, 2005
9:45 am
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mixednuts
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i didn't think it went thru, at least i can recognize this as something i started,
I really messed up last night I went to the bar where my husband was and i knew i shouldn't have i was full of rage . I ended up slapping him out of anger and frustration,and causing a big show down scene.So now he is throwing me out of his house and is going to have a PFA order issued agaist me.
He didn't come home last night, i have no clue where he is this morning, but i actually feel a sense of relief.
I think the relief is from knowing that i went to far and the relationship is probably over, It has been taking so much energy to keep it going.
I am sad i do love him a lot , but i am not getting what i want from the marriage, and i realize he doesn't have it to give. I feel shame for how I acted ,
I am scared to be on my own again, i am afraid of the lonliness and finacial problems,
i guess what i am asking for is support through this , what ever way it plays out , so many of you have so much knowledge and strenght/
I hope some of this makes sense.
i haven't started to cty yet but i know that will come soon .
Thanks

September 20, 2005
9:51 am
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I C Gold
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September 30, 2010
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Mixed, we are here for you! This isn't an easy time and will probably get worse before you actually see the light at the end but know that we have ALL been in some or all of this type of situation and we have survived and you will also...

Take care of you and what YOU need.
If he's your trigger, it's good you are getting away from him. I tell people I used to be such a B!tch when my X was here but when he moved out he took her with him!! He was my trigger and many other things and since we've been apart my personality and moods are so much better.
Be strong! Be true to you~
IC Gold

September 20, 2005
11:17 am
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mixednuts
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September 27, 2010
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well he just came home, and told me to just get out , and left, i am trying to put important papers together , but the fear is creaping in, where do i go ...........
I wonder how can you love someone so much , but feel so empty.
i am going to stay here for awhile and let him move out , i'm not sure if that's good or not , he owned the home before we were married,
the evil part of me wants to make him lose everything, but the true part of me can't do that.
the tears are starting to come now, but i know i tried to make this work, i could of tried harder i imagin , i knew what he was when i married him, and it is important to tell you that he is a good man ,
I know that I can't survive in this enviorment.
I really am sad

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