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I have hit a wall, need help getting over, around or through this.
July 30, 2005
3:07 pm
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addicts wife
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((((JW))))
Just popping in to let you know Im thinking of you today!!1
Keep up the great work!! as hard as it is, I think you are sounded more centered today.
Love Ya'
AW

July 30, 2005
7:00 pm
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jamaicanwife
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6 pm. Still at the office. Lots of work left to do, but only 14 pages left of the hard part for this section. I can see the end. I can smell it. I just need to push towards it, not slack off and mess about on the internet.

Besides, husband wont come get me until I call him and say I've done these pages. It suits me to get back to work.

August 1, 2005
2:34 pm
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jamaicanwife
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So my husband has an interesting technique that he uses to 'manage' me. I call it Death by Nagging. He is relentless. And any objection is met with 'Don't I have a right? If I don't have a right, then you don't have the right to say anything to me about anything!'

Song I am thinking about right now - 'I hate you so much right now' by Kelis.

August 2, 2005
10:51 am
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jamaicanwife
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I worked at the office all day Saturday, and I worked at home on Monday (Public Holiday!) right through to this morning, so I am at work getting by on my first cup of caffeine-rich tea for the day. Deadline looms, but I am so loopy from lack of sleep and the caffeine high that I am actually in a good mood.

My husband and I are talking as though everything is normal, without having resolved anything. Some unpleasant words were exchanged, revealing (to me) an underlying lack of respect for each other, but at least we were being honest.

The fight was about my not completing an extra assignment that my boss had given me, because I decided that at least one day of my holiday weekend was going to be relaxing! I washed my hair, and lay in bed as much as possible. I felt that if I had to wait a few days to finish up the extra work, considering how much pressure I am under, it was the mentally healthy thing to do. It meant that I might not get paid as quickly as I would like, but I was nearing breaking point. I did not discuss this with my husband, because I felt it was my decision to make.

It would have been nice if just for once, my husband said to me "Boy, you must be tired. I understand why you needed a break." And I am giving up guilt, so the fact that I often used to not do the work I had to do is just not relevant here. This time, I am working my ass off, and if I need a day to wash my hair and play cards with my son and lie in bed, why does it have to be such a big freaking deal? I accused him of wanting to control everything, and told him that he couldn't.

I guess we'll see if he plans to try.

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