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I have fallen for a cocaine addict.
February 23, 2005
7:29 am
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Tough Old Broad
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Tough Old Broad
23-Feb-05

my first time here...I fell in love with a 69 year old man after many years alone and now I believe I have fallen for a cocaine addict. I don't understand it.

I don't know why he would leave me to go out and do that ...

I don't even know if it is cocaine for sure. He stays out all night and comes back with really high energy and enthusiasm and horney.

He is trying to talk to me about it, but a little at a time. I don't understand the economic repercussions either.

How can I sort it all out? I really love him, but I slept very little last night. After he made love with me, his "friend" called and he was gone all night.

February 23, 2005
9:15 am
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CAMER
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how long have you 2 been together???? seems weird at the age of 69 doing cocaine??? sounds like he may be having someone else on the side....are you two in a monogamous relationship??

February 23, 2005
9:22 am
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Tough Old Broad
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I thought so, and I can't believe he would have anything left over.

But this is not new to him, apparently it has been a way of life that I thought he was trying to change.

Maybe change is not easy. Maybe it is enough if the will is there and there is an occassional slip? I just don't know anything about it.

I have known him for a year and we only became intimate in January.

He wants to change. I don't know anything about it. Is change possible. Am I a fool to be there for him and want him? Umnnn I haven't wanted anybody else in at lest 20 years. Where is the line between being supportive and being an enabeler?

February 23, 2005
10:31 am
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stardj0
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i am going through the same thing with my boyfriend right now.. he is smoking crack..which is worse and much more addictive then just snorting coke...but it can happen to anyone at any age..the guy i am seeing is going to meetings(or at least tells me he is) and if he makes it though 2 more meetings he is going to go into a detox program for it..it is a LONG and HARD road..but i DO LOVE and CARE for him so DEEPLY..that i want to at least give him the chance to try to get off of it...if at the end of this week he isnt in a detox program..then i will know that he really didnt go to any meetings and i will have no choice but to be done with him and go my own way...so i am praying so hard for him...i used to be on crack also and i started doing it when i was 51 years old and i am now 55 and have been off of it for 4 years and dont ever want to go back to it again.. it is a nasty drug and will take everything and everyone down with it in its path..so you have to make the choice if you want to stay with him and let him just keep on using the coke...or move on and find someone better..best of luck with whatever happens with you...

February 23, 2005
11:31 am
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Tough Old Broad
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Can that be done? Can someone "just keep using" or does it all go downhill?

I don't even know what I am facing. He is trying to tell me, but a little at a time.

The day before his back hurt a lot. He took Tylenol PM and it still hurt in the morning. He was subdued and quiet. When I came home he told me he had to "get street drugs' but he was not specific. I asked, but he would not say. I asked if it was Oxycontin, he said "No." emphatically.

His energy was very high. He had started painting the house. He was ready to have sex. We did and then the person that I think shares with him called and he left ~ First he said he would stay and then he got a second call. He said he would be back in an hour.

I left. I was hurt. I wanted to hurt him back.

I wanted to go to a hotel, but it is tourist season and the hotels are full. I slept a few hours in the car. I went home. He was not there. He was not there in the morning.

I am so scared. I don't know what I am dealing with. help please

February 23, 2005
11:40 am
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CAMER
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do you still want to continue this relationship as it is??? cuz remember, we cannot "change" people??? and does your bf think there is a problem with drugs??

February 23, 2005
12:26 pm
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it is so new, I don't even know what it is. MAybe I fell in love with him while he was using and I fell for that high personality? It was great until he left my bed last night. I don't want that to happen again. Is it hopeless?

February 23, 2005
12:46 pm
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art angel
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Maybe he is using meth (speed), that gives you high energy also, but it also turns your appetite off. Does he eat much?

Drugs are scary things to deal with. My ex was involved in it.

Take care of you!

art angel

February 23, 2005
12:52 pm
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Tough Old Broad
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He is not skinny. He has a beer belly and he eats well. I don't want to give up on him. I believe he wants it to work. Am I being a Polyanna? can it ever work? Do grownups ever just decide to stop? I know he wants to, but he said that the way he was, in pain and sleepy with Tylenol was not him.

February 23, 2005
1:18 pm
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Cici
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If he's been doing this that long I would have to say, no.

I remember my Mom told me this crazy story (somewhat related) - she's a nurse....anyways one of her patients, his wife came with him to the appointment and my Mom started talking about how his Viagra might affect his heart problems, and his wife didn't even know he was on Viagra! Turns out he was using it with some lady down the street, he kept saying he was going to "work on her plumbing" - this guy was 85.

Moral of the story - once a cheater, always a cheater.

Anyways, I've dated cokeheads (one) who progressed to being a crackhead. It doesn't change - and can't while he's involved with you. He has to get clean on his own and figure out how to live his life independent of the drugs. Only then can he attempt to have a stable romantic relationship.

In any other context you are merely enabling him.

February 23, 2005
2:03 pm
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Tough Old Broad
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ok you say what my head knows, but my heart hurts so bad...

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