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I have been served!
June 15, 2007
11:45 pm
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Cooper
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I have asked my STBX to send me items that I left when I moved out, he said he would but has not, 5 months later. I spoke to my lawyer and she said I could go back any time as we are not divorce yet (only been working on this for months), that is another story!
I went into the house, using a key, got my personal things left! done deal....
he calls the cops to report a burglary after he knew I was there and what I took and stated a domestice violence took place accusing me of verbalizaton esculating to threats and damage to personal property...now here is the funny thing! I never saw him, only took my things, did not destroy anything and left a note of the things I took. He had me served with an injuction stating he feared for his life.
This is the most ridiculus thing I have ever heard of. My lawyer says this means nothing and we will go to court and discuss this with a judge. Now I have to take off from work, missing a days pay, pay a lawyer fee and all because he has lied about all of this.
Has anyone else ever experienced this before? Does anything happen to him for lying? I can prove him wrong as I had 4 witnesses there. In florida it is a no fault state...we divide everything or agree how it is to be divided.
This is just one more way for him to try to stay in control. His live in girlfriend is having a fit for being in "her home" which is still in my and his name. The police told me there is nothing they can do to stop me if I destroyed the house as it is still mine and how does one steal their own stuff?
Now get this! The officer serving me told me I did not have to appear in court, only to later learn if I don't I will have a police record. This could affect my job and all because he wants to get one more power charge at my expense.
I was just beginning to feel good about who I am and getting past all the emotional abuse I have put up with for so many years. I am still in counseling and though I am not dating I have been asked. I just don't feel it is right until the divorce is final and I know I am heading in the right direction and in control of my own feelings.
Sorry this is so long, but I am pretty worked up right now and wanted feedback if anyone else has knowledge of this sort of thing. My lawyer just says it is routine and not to worry! How can I not worry?

June 16, 2007
12:01 am
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fantas
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cooper, I am so sorry for what your stbx is putting you through. He sure sounds controlling. If you have proof that he filed a false report,he can pay for both your lost wages and your lawyers fees not to mention that he could be prosecuted for defaming and filing under false pretense. Wow, he sounds so childish. It's a good thing you are seeking divorce. Hang in there and keep posting.

June 16, 2007
9:11 am
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Cooper
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That is what my lawyer said and i told her I want him to learn that he can not just make up things in a court of law and think he will get away with it. But is it nice to hear it more than once.
I just want this to be over with, but I am not going to give in to him, not any more. This may just be what I need to prove to him he can't control me any more.
His new girlfriend is controlling him to the point that she actually drives him to work and picks him up for fear he will cheat on her too.
Which I must admit she at least go him to go to work, the past three years he didn't even work when we were together.
He can't go fishing with his friends, which he loves to do, as she has to either go too or he can't. The guys don't like her as she is an alcoholic and not a nice drunk. Sweet revenge 😉

June 16, 2007
10:08 am
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nvr2late
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Cooper..it does sound like sweet revenge! the best revenge is living a good life!

well, about your situation, take your witnesses to court with you!
if he filed a temp restraining order, I am not sure if that is what he did..the level of evidence is REALLY REALLY low.

my ex did that in the middle of the divorce, LIED through his teeth..had me kicked out of my own house...only to drop it a month later because I would not talk to him.

by that time the damage was done, he hid the kids and I could not even come to my own house....
I had to find a place to live after he left me homeless...and gave me nothing out of the house at all.

but, it was ridiculous in court, he had to prove NOTHING..I had to prove that I was not a threat to him....and his lawyer tore me apart..I was still in disbelief and he wanted us to live in 2 different places together. (our house and an apartment..so when we had the kids..the house, when not, the apartment)...and that could not even be BROUGHT in to court!!!

if he was SO scared of me...but NOTHING happened to him for filing a 'false' report..because he had NOTHING to prove, only ME to defend myself and how do you do that????

especially against lies?

so, take them with you..GO to court!!!!

and MY revenge is after 2.7 years of a divorce, he did get everything...and mortgaged himself to the HILT on the house he HAD to have...6 months after the divorce was final and I gave in...he lost his job and is unable to find a new one to support his outrageous lifestyle...

he is looking at losing the house and everything AND his brother co-signed the refinance so that he could stay in the house...he stands to lose everything too!!!

I have bought a brand new construction house, have a harley..$$ in the bank...

and ALL new stuff!!!

so, karma is a scary thing to deal with!!!
🙂

stay strong.

nvr

June 16, 2007
10:38 am
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StronginHim77
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I live in the State of Florida and am currently waiting to be served with divorce papers. I left my N-husband in April. Here is what I have learned from the 4 different lawyers whom I consulted:

- I have the legal right to enter his home, any time I like, even though we are separated and the house is exclusively in HIS name on the mortage and the deed. He cannot arrest me for trespassing or burglary. Sounds to me like the police botched their handling of the situation, if they were called. Were they?

- A spouse cannot sue their spouse for theft of personal belongings. That is part of the contractual married state in Florida. So, I could remove anything I wanted from his house and there would be nothinghe can do about it.

- Yes. This nonsense will be completely thrown out of court, once the Judge reviews the circumstances. He is clearly in violation of Florida Statutes in these areas. So, relax. Yes...you need to appear, but you can also probably counter-sue for your share of court costs, attorney's fees and lost pay because of the "frivolous" and harassing nature of the charges. Ask your attorney how/when she would file a motion to recover these expenses?

You will get through this. Don't let him rattle your cage. His behavior is classic "power trip/control" garbage. Since you have moved out, he has no power over you anymore and it is making him nuts. Think of these harassments as adult "tantrums." He will be apppropriately spanked and will go sulk in corner when it is over with...and you will emerge victoriously on the other end. Deep breath. You can do it.

- Ma Strong

June 16, 2007
2:59 pm
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gracenotes
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Cooper,

What a jerk he is. I also think, at least in CA, that there is some kind of fine or jail penalty for filing a false police report. That is against the law. And, this has malicious intent. The reason for this is that it is a waste of police man and women power to spend time and money on this nonsense. Maybe he will get fined or thrown in jail. He deserves it! Maybe you can recover your lawyer's fees too and time off from work.

June 17, 2007
7:48 am
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Cooper
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I certainly hope he finally has to pay for all the lies. I do not hold grudges and have been very patient with him over the years. He was a very controlling person, I knew that a long time ago, but when the cheating, lies, drinking, physical abuse started it was time to get out. It took me one year to save enough money and find a new job and place to live before I left him. He was not working, has not worked in going now three years. I paid the mortgage, and other bills. He sat home and got drunk everyday. He is a nurse so it is not like he couldn't find a job either.
He did call the police to report a bulgary/domestic violence/damage to property.
My lawyer said you can not break into your own home nor damage your items. The only thing I have to prove is domestic violence. Which my neighbors will testify there was no threat on him and I was not angry when I left.
I have emails he sent to me after he issued the injunction/restraining order, asking me to call him. Now he wants us to talk over what HE wants for the divorce.
I was ready to just give in and let him keep the house, but I am ready to fight him now.
I did tell the lawyer, I want him to pay, she said she would petition him for payment. As I know right now, he doesn't have a lawyer. So he will be in court alone, representing himself. I will have my lawyer and several witnesses with me. My only fear is I will start crying and start to coward in his presence. I really want to stay mad but it is just not like me to do that. I am putting little sticky notes all over the place reminding me I could lose my job and retirement and he did all that for his one last ditch to control me.
Thanks for sharing and advice.
hugs to all.

June 17, 2007
8:36 pm
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kl
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My husband of 19 years left me but not until he refinanced the home, maxed out credit cards in a very short time and bought lots of boy toys/wide screen t.v extra large, new computer gps pool in the back yard 32 grand for that. He left me and is with a woman friend 20 years younger. Oh did I say he bought a commander then traded down for a mercedes. I could go on and on and on, but that's not all. I served him cause I want to know how I'm going to get through all this. He doesn't want to pay child support, so he's wanting shared custody, he doesn't want to pay alimony says I'm under employed. I work a full time job and kept some of my cleaning business, I'm unbelievably exhausted. I guess we have to fight it out in court. Oh yea he wants to take the house away from me too and we bought it with my inheritance. My counselor can't figure out why I'm not mad...I did change the locks after he took some personnal belongings, I alarmed the house as well. He's not welcome here, and I can't wait to see if my daughter and I will have a place to live. I just can't wait to get it behind us. Oh did I mention he's living with his 20 year younger girlfriend and she's still married, oh he's finally is on medication for adhd oh and he's going to counseling for his anger. Did I mention I can't get angry, don't know why, just can't. Any ideas, maybe it's just too much and I want this nightmare to end...See it could always be worse. Oh and I'm over 50, that just is a good way to end this, oh did I mention he doesn't want to insure either one of us, that's why I had to get a new job and give up my very lucrative cleaning business. Like I said there's more and I'm sure you're all wondering with my counselor why I'm not able to get angry, just want to be done with all this...Thanks for being there. Maybe you'll feel better hearing my story...

June 22, 2007
11:43 pm
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Cooper
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kl
I hear your pain too. My STBX maxed out credit cards after I left, asked me to send him money, I did, he hadn't worked in nearly 2 years and when he did, would come home early because he just couldn't handly the pressure....I worked 4 jobs..didn't matter how much pressure I was dealing with. I don't care any more and I too want this to be behind me. Right now, I have to stay angry to get this over with. If I stay passive, nothing will get done. My lawyer has drug her feet for 6 months. I fianlly said enough, get it done..I asked the STBX to send me thing, he would not so I took them, but only my stuff and no destruction of property. I left him a note and said I would not be back...His girlfriend that he met one day and her in my home that very day had destroyed my personal belongings and he wants me to just walk away after 26 years....not a chance. I will fight him in court, but the truth will come out and he will be the one with his hand caught in the cookie jar....
Hopefully yours will be over with soon too! I wish you luck...

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