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i have aged beyond my years
June 29, 2009
8:32 am
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mia 1234
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i feel i have aged beyond my years, taking responsibility for other people,being there for everyone ,never there for me. I am 48 and now im wondering where all those years have gone.alot of it wasted on trying to straighten out alcoholics,without success.I am an alcoholic and have put my own sobriety at risk being involved with another alcoholic that could not or will not get sober.At times i feel i hate him after all the lies he told me,and he would get angry if i questioned him about anything .People tell me i look so tormented and i am. im so glad to have found this site im going to hold on to it for dear life,u are all helping me through this hell. love and hope to all co-dependants.

June 29, 2009
9:30 am
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eha1215
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Mia,
it's never too late to start brand new! I know how you feel... investing years and years on trying to straighten out someone and forgetting about ourselves and in the end we just end up hurting ourselves and achieve no success. It feels like a lifetime and it feels like there's so much going on...like you're some sort of depressed superwoman...I went through the same...my ex was a marijuana addict. Codependency and addiction takes quite a toll on our lives. But be strong and have faith...try to control your codependent behavior...in a way it's also an addiction. I don't know if you've read Codependency No More by Melody Beattie? It's a great book! start doing things for yourself..rediscover yourself...in a way being codependent or being an addict is a way to forget about ourselves... It's been very tough to change my ways and let go of people I had codependent relationships with...sometimes I still want to know/talk/see them really bad and I get anxiety...but I have to admit that life has gotten better...peaceful...and I am rediscovering myself...it's never too late!

June 29, 2009
10:17 am
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Lanigirl
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Codependent No More is an excellent suggestion. Glad you posted. Welcome and keep posting.

Mia, as a fellow codep., I hear you. My goal has become to let myself enjoy. Before, I would ruin every fun moment because otherwise I wasn't being "responsible".

Eha,

So glad you're seeking peace.

June 29, 2009
12:01 pm
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CAMER
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Mia, you are not alone......i have spent countless years on men, caretaking, trying to fix, when all and all I just needed to *fix myself*.

Remember, you are the important one and always put yourself first. Codies tend to put themselves on the back burner and feel jilted when things go wrong, why??i guess sometimes we try too hard, and keep repeating the same patterns, thinking we'll get a different result.

Read the books mentioned, post here & know you are not alone!!!

June 29, 2009
2:28 pm
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mia 1234
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That is exactly what i was doing repeating the same pattern and expecting different results. it is so easy to let go of ur peace of mind ,that took a long time to get, and so v hard to pick ur self back up. he was so convincing every time. i was convinced i didnt love him and yet i needed some form of contact with him ,that's the bit i did'nt understand i thought i was going crazy , until i read u dont need to love them to b codependent. i have the book Mealody Beattie, right now im not in the frame of mind for reading but i will. i am going to check out AL-ANON also. Thank u all for taking the time for me ,much appreciated

June 29, 2009
2:32 pm
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LifeandLack
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Mia,

I can relate. I'm only 22, but I feel like I'm 40. I also need to break this codependent pattern, before I give myself a heart attack... Take heart, you're not alone. *hugs* Just knowing that has been a tremendous help to me.

June 29, 2009
4:04 pm
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mia 1234
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LifeandLack good to hear from u and sorry ur having it tough. These should b the most precious years of ur life ,please do everything in ur power to get the help for U. Mabey if i did not have to grow up in such a dysfuntional home and go through so much pain and abuse ,i would not need to feel the need to try and rescue an active alcoholic or alcoholic's. All i can say to u my love is that it has left me feeling used and abused all over again ,i have to take responsibility too ,i ALLOWED it to happen. Please b good to you and take care of you.Don't waste ur life. x

June 29, 2009
4:31 pm
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FireFighter
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I hit 40 last year and the big 4 - 'oh' - And was expecting it to be one of those milestone birthdays. It was that and more. At Forty I was in teh middle of a divorce, debts, and I only got to see my kids every two weeks.... It was certainely not where I expected to be in my life.

I explain it to folks that it was like a game of chutes and ladders... and I hit square forty and slide all the way back to the bottom.

Over the last year I have finally started the trek back up and have started valuing all the things I do have. Doing things that are good for for me. I am now starting to get to a place in life where I look at myslef at 41 and think...damn I have so many things I want to do ..

Its taken me quite a while, I still have a long way to go ... but I'm moving forward.. as I found there is a forward!!!

June 30, 2009
12:37 am
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bblue
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Does anyone think maybe 40 or there about sparks us to examine ourselves and we find out we are below our own expectations or our lives?

BBlue

June 30, 2009
6:40 am
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mia 1234
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It would be lovely to think that at this hour of our life with the knowledge and experience we have under our belt life will get easier for us. i know it takes alot of hard work to reprogramme our selves. For me it's trying to undo all the crap i believed or i was led to believe about me. I know to-day i am a good person, i would never hurt anyone. when i was drinking i hurt my children, i stopped drinking because i wanted a sane way of life and i did not want to hurt my children again. i love them. i regret been in a relationship with an active alcoholic after that, because my children got hurt all over again ,by a man that was not even their father. i pray to God i have learnt a v valuable lesson. Be good to YOU X

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