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I have a dilemna.. can someone help
November 15, 2003
11:57 pm
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ms.confused
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Hi! Everyone,

I know its been a while. Ive been doing pretty well I guess you could say. Ive gone full-fledged trying to find a job and get all my life back together. Things have been hard but I've kinda been at peace.

Anyway I have a problem. I dont remember if I told you the whole story about the roommate I had a while back that was really shallow and a follower. The guy that shut my lights off and left me and my babies in the dark and without water for almost 2 days (due to my ex boyfriend talkin him into it). Anyway for the past few months Ive let them both go (him and my ex) and let god deal with them. I could no longer do it anymore. My ex-roommate called me this evening and wanted to apologize for everything he has done and ask for my forgiveness. He also stated that I was the only family hes ever had and Ive always been a real friend to him and he could no longer take us not talkin. Ive took him in since he was about 15 due to his mom being badly on drugs and not having any direction in life. Hes now 20. I was devastated by the fact he would betray me so deeply. His baby is to be induced on Monday and he said it hurts him knowing that Im not a part of his or his new babies life anymore. I told him that at the moment Im at peace and that I realized that I needed to let them both go. In fact, I really dont know what I should do. I dont want to be taken advantage of again and I put up my defenses immediately. He said he knows it will take time but he really needed to make ammends and hope that we coud have the friendship we always had. I told him that I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten and things would never be the same between us again. Im kinda lost at the fact I really dont know what to do and I was looking for some imput on this situation. I also told him I didnt want to have anything to do with my ex...cuz he called me the other day totally disrespecting me trying to set me up with his friend that he claimed was my "match".. we had spent 4 years together and have been split up a lil over 4 mos now..so my wounds are still being inflicted. The both of them are really good friends and I cant see dealing with my ex roommate and not having to dea with my ex. Im kinda lost and really confused and my mind is shattered atm.. can anyone offer me any insight?

November 16, 2003
7:35 am
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Zinnie
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I think you need to do what is best for you.

So, now he is sorry. That's nice. Maybe he really is. If you have honestly forgiven him, then you are a better person than most considering leaving someone with no water for two days - especially young children can be fatal. You can forgive him and move on, but that does not mean that you have to be a part of his life, or have him in yours.

You need to keep you and your children safe. Both physically and mentally.

Love,

Zinnie

November 16, 2003
9:20 am
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mj
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There is a saying, Once learned twice burned...Hope it doesn't apply here.
Problems come up everyday.....why do you think this is a dilemna?

November 16, 2003
11:01 am
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unhappy camper
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Are you saying you have kids and another is on the way? And you are providing a home for the roommate? Is it his baby?

Does he work and pay you for rent and food? Do you love him? Did you want to get married?

November 16, 2003
6:09 pm
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ms.confused
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LOL...NO I am not pregnant. I prolly wrote that so fast it caused alot of confusion. Let me clarify..I was with my ex for more than 4 years and we had a guy roommate that lived with us. We all use to be the best of friends. The ex roommate ended up gettin his girlfriend pregnant and they are inducing labor on Monday. When me and my ex split. The roommate was going thru many life changes and moved in with his girlfriend. He cut my lights and water off without lettin me know anything because my ex was mad at me and tried to go thru him to get back at me. Since hes such a follower and wants to be just like my ex was easily able to presuade him. I was shocked at the fact he would sabotage our friendship for him since i was the only one that was ever there for him during his most times of need, He came from a really screwed up family and was neglected and abused often by his mother (which was heavily on drugs).Now hes calling apologizing after 4 mons and stating he wants us to have the frienship we once had. Mj the reason I find it somewhat of a dilemna is because hes always been an important friend of mine and to miss his baby being born will be really sad. I dont really know if i want to be his friend anymore. Im am very hurt by the fact that he did those things to me even tho I have forgiven him I will never forget the fact he left me and my kids sitting in the house with no lights and water for a few days and my kids couldnt even start school on time due to the fact. The other problem is that him and my ex are still really good friends and they hang out almost everyday. I dont see me having a friendship with one without not having to deal with the other. I have been working on myself alot these past few months and even tho Im not exactly where Id like to be Ive seen lots of progress and Im at peace without having either of them in my life. I always dont make the best of choices and I see this one as being one that can set me backwards if i dont make the right decision.

November 16, 2003
6:23 pm
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mj
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Sounds to me like you are at peace without their friendship.....so you must know that taking care of yourself is the best choice.

November 16, 2003
6:39 pm
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Zinnie
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I think I would leave him alone. Let your ex, HIS GREAT FRIEND be there for him. This man caused you and your family harm.

November 17, 2003
2:54 am
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ms.confused
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Yea I kinda agree. I have to take care of myself first and not worry about how it leaves other people feeling sometimes. Ive always been the person to always put everyones needs before my own. At this point, Im sad that our friendship has ended but Im also releived to know that I can no longer allow them to hurt me. Ive always let down my guard with both of them and they are the only ones that seem to be able to pull my strings. I guess it shows that there has been some growth over these past few months. Amen and thanks to people like you guys that have helped me along the way 🙂

November 17, 2003
10:10 am
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mj
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Ms...You did all the work...we just listened and let you know you were not alone and that you have the power within to solve your problems by believing in yourself and having the courage to do what you think is best for you...

Hugs...and YOU Rock!

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