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I hate this job
February 13, 2003
9:34 pm
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Anonymous
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So, I've had it. I've been reading a lot of web sites about job burnout, and I've got it.

I really really really really hate my job. I am going to talk to my boss about it tomorrow. I just can't take it any more, even called our employee assistance hotline to get referred to a career counselor. I fuckin' hate it here. They were like no help, they will call me tomorrow, all they cared about was whether or not I was going to harm myself or others.

On those websites were just these positive things, like how to "avoid" job burnout, not how to get out of it. "Challenge yourself"... barfaroni. Last thing I feel like doing is rising to a challenge. And how much more challening of a task would I want when I can't even deal with what I have? I've been writing down my feelings, and they all seem to revolve around how worthless I feel here, and how much I don't enjoy what I do, and how I have no power (or the knowledge) to make decisions, and just spend my entire day asking permission and babysitting people. I'm indecisive, I'm meek, and I completely don't care about the outcome of anything. I just want decisions to be made, and I don't have opinions one way or the other.

Molly has said it many a time, GL is a square peg, and her life is a round hole, and squeezing those corners seems to be squeezing GL's enjoyment of life right out along with it.

I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT HERE!!!!! And I'm marinating too deeply in that hate and frustration and overwhelming sadness and depression to get out of it.

The only thing I'm hoping is that maybe my conversation with my boss will shed some light, provided that I don't burst into tears, turn into a babbling idiot and start sucking my thumb. And hopefully those EAP people will call me back tomorrow.

I just feel completely stuck, I have a job that pays me well, so that I can afford this wiiiiild lifestyle that I lead. NOT. What's killing me is the mortgage payment. I don't go on crazy expensive vacations, and I don't have an expensive car, and besides that it's paid off. But the house payment... I'm fine making it with my salary, but if I lose that, I'm screwed.

But if I stay here, I feel like I'll die. I hate people who talk about how much they do at their job, what an impact they make, especially around here, and when my BF talks about what a great job he does for his clients, I want to scratch his eyeballs out.

Wish me luck, I hope I can get through this. Anyone want to buy a house? It's really small and cute, built in the early 1900's, needs some work, would fetch about $50K in the midwest... which means you only need 5x that much to buy it here... what the hell was I thinking??? Interest rates be damned...

February 13, 2003
10:47 pm
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Awww Gingy *hugs* sounds like you're trying to push shit through a tea strainer.

I think the key here is to not make any dramatic or drastic decisions and changes without thinking about the implications fully (Read: DON'T QUIT YOUR JOB - or get yourself fired - UNTIL YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE!!).

Have you done any more research on what types of careers/jobs you're interested in? Does your company have some sort of 'in-house job vacancies' guide? Could you maybe transfer to something more your style within the company so it's not such a dramatic change?

I hope your talk with your boss goes well. If he/she, when they understand and appreciate your unhappiness, can offer alternate solutions for you such as recommending another position in the company or modifying your job description a little.

Good luck! I'll be thinking of you :o)

February 13, 2003
11:19 pm
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Ginger I hear ya with the "I hate it here"....I know how it feels also to be stuck in your job. I feel there is so much more to me than what I do and the shit I have to put up with while doing it.

You know I have been looking into buying a house and I think the reason I don't if because I am afraid to take that chance you did Ginger, afraid the job will go under, I'll get fired, I'll get hurt on a kick ass bike ride or just the what IF's and fear holds me back. The only way to get out of my job is to let go of fear and learn to take chances to do or learn something different. Ginger you seem to be one smart young woman, take that chance! What about a cut in pay? for happiness. Wish your house was for sale here in my town, I would sure look into taking it off your hands. HOWEVER Ginger no matter what job you do, love it or not the morgage payments or in my case the rent will always be there. Don't be so hard on yourself things always just seem to work out. I remember waiting tables for pennys when my son was a baby and wondering how I was going to make ends meet, guess what, I did it!.......maybe not with the bright lights or glamor but we made it.
The road sometims has to be so fucking long and hard at times but in the end you will be a stronger person because of it.

carry on with scratching eyeballs...lol

and I wish you luck

February 14, 2003
11:26 am
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Getting ready for my 9am meeting. Funny, now I have to take everything that I wrote last night and turn it into business-speak. It's freakin' hard to say you hate your job and the people you work with without sounding really whiny. *grin*

February 14, 2003
6:10 pm
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I would talk about all the things I would like to have change instead of all the things I hate. It's the same, but bosses like it better. Sounds more "in control".

But the main point of my post is to wish you a lot of luck !!

February 14, 2003
6:55 pm
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Well, we talked, and she told me that she was really surpised to find out I felt that way, thought I sounded really in control and "with it"... and then also told me that she was experiencing the same frustrations with her projects, as were all of the other PMs here. She told me 2 things... hang in there, and to schedule my next vacation, and do it soon. She also offered to offload some of my work, or switch projects with me if I thought that would help to freshen things up. I know she's on my side, which is cool, but now the really hard part is figuring out whether I want to bother with a job like this or not.

I talked to the EAP counselor today, and she said "I hear a lot of shame and guilt coming through" DUHHHHH. And then she told me that I should probably suck it up and learn to "cope" since I would "have to deal with stress on any job", so she would refer me to a counselor to talk through all of these things. Ugh, here I am telling her that my job was shitty, and here she is telling me that I need to learn to look at shit and call it a bubble bath. She then had the audacity to ask me how old I was, and say "Oh, well you're reaching that age where we all start to question what we do..." Oh well, it's just a referral service anyway.

Anyway, I'm going to take my boss's advice and plan that vacation. Maybe whilst off and away from the gray gloom of Seattle I'll have an epiphany as to what sort of work I would more prefer. And maybe then I'll also stop fantasizing about how fun it would be to tie a particular coworker's eyebrows into a bow for Christmas....

February 19, 2003
10:02 pm
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Most of the time, its not the "JOb" that is the problems............its the "People" who created the problems.......its the "politics"

February 20, 2003
5:50 am
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Just stopping in to give you a HUG.
Thinking about YOU and hoping that you are feeling Loved and cared about.

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