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I hate myself
February 5, 2005
5:55 am
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blugurrl
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How do you stop hating yourself when everything you do is wrong. When you are so sensitive everything is painful. When you hate turns into eating disorders and social anxiety. When you pass mirrors or see photographs you want to break them. I don't want to be me. I am a failure at life. I have no close friends anymore because I isolate because I am so ashamed of who I am. I am freelance in a very competitve field, I have bleed for my career and I am still nowhere. I am not interested in any other field and it is what I have my degree in. I have watched my friends and peers get married and have kids, buy homes, travel to exciting places for work, make the right connections. It is so painful, this is not my life. I am a good person and I am alone. I am thankful for all that I do have but my needs- the basic ones are being met. I have worked sooooo hard and can't seem to be at the right place at the right time. I don't want anything bad to happen to anyone else I just want something of my own. I have had too many loses and no gains. people have left my life in horrible ways and there have been no replacements. I take risks, go places by myself talk to strangers... and I can't seem to make things move forward. I hate who I am, what I have become. I want out of my skin, my life. I hate who I am. I hate the way I look. Yesterday I went to get my hair done to give myself a boost, my roots were bad. I have blonde hair with a couple of dark streaks. I told the stylist who I go to do the same thing just make the darker streaks darker. She dyed my hair this dark brown ash color with frosted tips. I was in shock. It made all of the shadows in my face prominent. I had to have her redo it. It is still too dark because she couldn't bring it back. I struggle everyday with myself. Now my hair is gone. Why do I care no one sees me anyway. It just makes me feel worse. I don't want to be this person. I feel trapped and hopeless.

February 5, 2005
6:30 am
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mj
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Have you considered positive affirmations instead. I think we get what we affirm. I am learning to love myself and accept myself. Sounds like you have Passion. It sounds like you care about your personal appearance. Sounds like you are willing to work hard for what you want.

I finished a book a few weeks back that made me feel very positive about life. I lent it to my sis. Want it back to keep me Positive until I learn the art. Best Wishes

February 5, 2005
8:26 am
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Anonymous
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I know the problem blugurll.

The worse problem is not excepting for who you are. You define yourself as what people around you see you. You must be thinking that your friends and family see you as a successor and wife in a happy family.

But If you step outside of your current atmosphere, you'll find that nobody cares.

Tell this to yourself.

1. I love myself.
2. I won't let myself be weak.
3. If I mourn over the break-up, I am weak.
4. If I fall apart over my business failure, I am weak.
5. If I become depress, I am weak.
6. There's only one of me, and I won't let myself be weak.

I've done it and it changed my life. When I run into a problem, I think about all people that have gone through the same problem and why should I let myself be the weak one? Why should I have to go through what I've already seen on "Friends."

Happiness in life is about excepting who you are and going forward not backward. A homeless person could work toward getting a better shopping cart. A businessman could work toward a promotion. If you let yourself go backward, you're weak. If you complain about your life, you are just selfish and weak.

February 5, 2005
8:32 am
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Anonymous
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I didn't even read mj's comments before I write mine, but you can see the similarities.

mj " love myself and accept myself"

February 5, 2005
9:09 am
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karen2oo5
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i used to think like that,and feel similar to how you feel but,i got to the stage were i couldnt take it any more cause it used to affect how people used to treat me too,so i decided to start reading,loads and loads,on positve thinking it doesnt take away your problems but helps you see things in another way,try saying this to yourself instead please try it every day first thing,I LOVE AND I VALUE MYSELF,the first thoughts that you have each and every day are so important x k 2oo5

February 5, 2005
11:23 am
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addicts wife
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I dont have a full length mirroe in my house anymore for one... and My dear....
I think I'll suggest that you go to your bathroom mirror right now, and tell yourself "I ROCK!!!" and do it while playing the air guitar!!!
Put on some silly music, and dance around your apartment in your underwear.. move your body around like a 5 year old that is uninhibited... and let yourself laugh at yourself.. and keep going!!!!

February 5, 2005
12:13 pm
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CAMER
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try to stop all these negative tapes playing in your head, cuz i am sure the more you beat yourself up the worse you will feel. Change your thoughts and pick out the nice qualities in yourself, and think good thoughts, and maybe that all & all will change the way you feel about you ((camer))

February 5, 2005
6:55 pm
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Alegab
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Hi Blu- I posted what follows to some of my friends in the thread "feeling anxious and down, anyone here to talk"
Some things that make us feel good:
1. Falling in love.

2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.

3. A hot shower.

4. No lines at the supermarket.

5. A special glance.

6. Getting mail.

7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.

8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.

9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.

10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.

11. Chocolate (or vanilla or strawberry) milkshake.

12. A bubble bath.

13. Giggling.

14. A good conversation.

15. The beach.

16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.

17. Laughing at yourself.

19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.

20. Running through sprinklers.

21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.

22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.

23. Laughing at an inside joke.

24. Friends.

25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.

26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.

27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).

28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.

29. Playing with a new puppy.

30. Having someone play with your hair.

31. Sweet dreams.

32. Hot chocolate.

33. Road trips with friends.

34. Swinging on swings.

35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.

36. Making chocolate chip cookies.

37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.

38. Holding hands with someone you care about.

39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.

40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.

41. Watching the sun rise.

42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.

43. Knowing that somebody misses you.

44. Getting a hug from someone you care deeply about.

45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble

Woman to Woman Encouragement

Someone will always be prettier. They will always be smarter. Their house will be bigger. They will drive a better car. Their children will do better in school. And their husband will fix more things around the house. So let it go, and love you and your circumstances.

Think about it. The prettiest woman in the world can have hell in her heart. And the most highly favored woman on your job may be unable to have children. And the richest woman you know-she's got the car, the house, the clothes-might be lonely. And the word says if I have not Love, I am nothing.

So, again, love you. Love who you are right now and let God be your barometer. Mirror Him. Look in the mirror in the morning and see how much of God you see. He's the only standard and even when you come up short; he will not leave you or forsake you.

"I am too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!"

The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor. "The one who kneels to God can stand up to anything." "Winners make things happen. Losers let things happen."

Be Blessed ladies and pass this on to encourage another woman.

"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world"

I hope this somehow lifts your spirits for the day.

I can really relate to how you feel. Perhaps after reading Woman to Woman Encouragement somehow it will make you feel better. From what I gather you sound like you are very depressed. Are you in any type of counselling? Has anything triggered you to feel this way? I am not clear on what specifically is making you feel this way. YOU HAVE ALOT GOING FOR YOU. Sometimes we need to look at the bigger picture and be thankful for the small things. Other things will fall into place.

Lots of luck and be good to yourself

Hugs
Alegab

February 7, 2005
1:30 am
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addicts wife
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HI,
I was Juat wondering howYou are doing today????

February 7, 2005
12:03 pm
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curly
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Hello everyone. I walk around with the "I hate myself" or the "Nobody loves me" tape in my head a lot and I am 52. I have felt better at times and have done work on myself and now I will have to just pick it up again. I am an alcoholic and in love with an alcoholic who just wants to have a good time. I pay fro everything - even his rent. Then he's not there for me in the way I need him to be. What do I expect? Anyway just wanted to touch base with understanding, caring folks.

February 7, 2005
1:12 pm
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marley
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I understand how easy it is to hate yourself. But really, you have to realize that your life is a gift - each and every day. The fact that you are here is a miracle.

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