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i guess i don't know where to start
January 14, 2003
7:48 pm
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Anonymous
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I have been a victim of codependency. I was involved in a relationship for two years. I felt used, hurt, lied to, cheated on, etc..etc. I was so depressed for months that I was seeing a therapist. It took me a really long time for me to say I don't want anything to do with this guy and I need to move on with my life. My therapist helped to use this experience to be able to see the different traits of guys that may come along in the future. Once I stopped communicating with my ex he began to call me all the time begging for my forgiveness and for us to get back together. I knew in my heart that there was no way that it could happen. I told him there was no way we could be friends either. My friends would never hurt me like he did to me. Well after all the realization and therapy and going off to school far away...I felt very lonely. I feel very bored and lonely everyday. My mom tells me its because I was too codependent on him. That maybe true. She told me I should go and hang out with other guys as friends. So I became close friends with a guy at work. He is so nice to me and all I want is to go out as friends. He talks to me all the time. I gave him my phone number over a week ago and he had not called yet. My friend asked him if he had the chance to call me yet and he said he had to take on another job due to he had to help out his friend with his bills. I tried. I guess I cannot handle rejection too well.

January 14, 2003
8:06 pm
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Also I wanted to include how much my ex would consistently call me day in and day out and would prank me, would be nice one day, call me names the next, I would answer any of his calls when the messages he left were awful mean, then he would apologize. This still goes on since its been over a year and a half that we broken up. I guess I am jealous that he has already had 2 girlfriends since we broken up. The first is the one he cheated on me with and the second he claims to be the best things that ever happened to him. He brags to me saying she helped him realize that hell he put me through that is why he is apologizing and wants to be my friend. He won't accept that I don't want his friendship and that I want to move on with my life. I told him I forgive him and that he is not a part of my life anymore and to leave me alone. He tells me he always will love me and care for me forever and ever. I don't know what else I can do for myself. I am really jealous. Its not that I want him back but I want to be able to go out with other guys and be friends but no guy likes or wants me.

January 14, 2003
8:33 pm
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Crystaliis: Don't let this guy ruin how you view yourself. You are young and have so much of life ahead of you. Be patient and take care of yourself. Try to get involved in activities that you enjoy. Do something special just for you. Maybe this guy does feel bad about how he treated you and it is good that you forgave him, but I agree with you that it is best to not let him back into your life in any way. It is not healthy for you. Give yourself time to heal.

January 14, 2003
8:45 pm
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Good for you C, for deciding to cut contact with that ex and moving forward. It takes a LOT of guts to do that. The advice to hang out with guys as friends is good, but what about girls to hang out with too? Being lonely doesn't mean necessarily lonely for a relationship with a man. Maybe you just need some friends around you too. Are there any activities that you participate in at school? Sports, music, clubs? By getting out and doing something that you enjoy, you naturally end up coming into contact with people that you share something in common with. Best wishes, Crystaliis.

January 14, 2003
8:50 pm
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I look at life as..take one day at a time...my mom always told me that you can't give up. My biggest fear is that I will never find someone else. I don't want to be alone and lonely. My mom suggested that I get involved at church or get some spiritual guidance. I believe my ex is not sorry. He is on and off with this sorry bit and the next day he is calling me names and blames me for his behavior. I told him I was happy for him that he has the best thing that happened for him in his life....(thinking maybe he will leave me alone now). He will never change. He told me he realized how immature and self centered he was but really his mom was the controller of him all his life. To think a 21 year old having his girlfriend asking his mom to see if he can go to the movies with her. And his mom coming up with excuses as to why he had to stay home. Things with him will never change. He hurt me too bad for me to let him have any part in my life. I was the mature person when his family wanted to know what happened between the two of us and I told them it wasn't my place. I realized he did and still wants to control my emotions. He tries to send things to me to get me upset and mad. My problem is I let him do it too. I need to learn to avoid everything from him...whether its a phone call...an instant message or email. Including his family too. They love to gossip. They come up with stories about me and he spreads these stories to outsiders hoping it gets back to me. I Had enough with the whole bit. I am willing and ready to make him a part of my past that i will never relive.

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