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I found the courage!
November 15, 2004
12:55 pm
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Katkeyper
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Thanks to everyone here for their comments - I wrote on Nov. 10 that I needed courage - and I found it!

I broke up with the boyfriend on Sunday. It was very emotional and he's already been playing the poor me card trying to push the guilt trip button. I got my things before I left, but he called later to say he had more. I decided to not be home and have him leave them on the porch. He brought back a box of cards he'd collected from me over the years (almost six) (and the box I gave him to keep them in), plus pictures and things - he left a card indicating these were his most prized possessions, but he couldn't look at them if he didn't have me in his life - that the last time we'd broken up, he suffered so much pouring over them - he couldn't do it again. I have to admit, it was a good ploy - I was very hurt and sad that he returned these things, but I also say through it for what it was - guilt. I know he's going to hurt...hell, I do too...but we're both just going to have to get over this one.

My best friend was there to help pick up the pieces after I gave her the play-by-play of the breakup. She reminded me that I was the normal one- that I have needs, but I'm not needy - I just pick men who are emotionally unavailable and can't remotely be sensitive to my needs. It was nice to hear that side...she also said she heard a lot of anxiety, guilt and fear in my voice - not emotionally love/heartbreak. I thought that was an interesting observation and am using it as a positive - I don't want that to be the reason I go back to him....again.

Now, the hard part. Staying away from him. Work is really tough right now...so I have that...but I know soon he'll start with the phone calls, emails and asking to talk. I still need courage!

November 15, 2004
1:09 pm
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petitefour
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Katy-
Make a list of all the reasons why you called it quits and keep it with you on your computer, cell phone, etc. So that when an email or a call comes in, you won't be tempted to take it. THIS WILL BE DIFFICULT, make no mistake. You need to break off, completely.
I am still struggling with this. I still love my husband, that's what makes this even harder on me. I have been gone for two months. But rarely, if ever take his calls or call him. He leaves almost ALL the messages that I listen to later.

Good luck, stay strong. You did this for you and that is a great thing! Congrats, girl!

November 15, 2004
1:14 pm
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KathyinPain
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Kat,

You are so brave and strong! Good for you! I agree with petitfour's advice. Make that list!

Stay strong, and God bless!

Kathy 🙂

November 15, 2004
1:16 pm
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petitefour
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Katy-
Make a list of all the reasons why you called it quits and keep it with you on your computer, cell phone, etc. So that when an email or a call comes in, you won't be tempted to take it. THIS WILL BE DIFFICULT, make no mistake. You need to break off, completely.
I am still struggling with this. I still love my husband, that's what makes this even harder on me. I have been gone for two months. But rarely, if ever take his calls or call him. He leaves almost ALL the messages that I listen to later.

Good luck, stay strong. You did this for you and that is a great thing! Congrats, girl!

November 15, 2004
1:19 pm
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Katkeyper
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Thanks - great idea...I did a pro's/mostly con list before and after the breakup...and wrote down words my friend assoicated with what she was hearing from me...right now my head is almost spinning. I am anxious - knowing that any minute, he could call or I could get an email. I hope this time around, he won't try to disturb me at work. There were quite a lot of tears on my part, and it was obvious this was hard for me to do...but he's very manipulative and used to getting his way. I HAVE TO STAY STRONG!

Thanks!

November 15, 2004
1:28 pm
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nikili
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I hope that I will have as much courage as you when the time comes.

November 15, 2004
1:37 pm
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Katkeyper
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Nikili...it's been years in the making. I've been coming to this site off and on for about ten months or so I guess...we'd broken up before, but I went back to him within ten days. However all that was said and NOT done last time has helped give me the tools I need to find courage. I need to be the one to break the cycle and move forward. It's liberating and scary - but oh so worth it!

We'll be here when you do!

November 15, 2004
1:51 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Kat: Good for you. Petitefour had a great idea in making that list to look at. Way to go Petitefour.

You'll make it and be strong and you will be fine.

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