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I finally broke it off
February 5, 2007
11:58 am
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jon668
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I was tunring into an angry unhappy person. So, after all the lies and cheating on me. I finally broke it off this morning. I did some research (aka snooping) and found out that he only admitted a couple of infidelities. I confronted him and stated that the past is the past but I do not beleive in him any more. His past drinking, hitting me, lying to me. cheating on me...all of it was a product of him fears and insecurities. I was wrong for reacting to it; as opposed to acting on it.
this can't go on. I just don't think I hhave the capasity to forgivce him. I thought i did. I know he is truelly trying. Couples counceling, AA and drug classes. BUt I keep wondering and being suspicioous. he admitted to feeding into my fears because he was resentful and being caught and felt that I was being too harsh, his words,"I did it as a fcuk you." He said that he was jealous how people just liked me. He also stated that he knows he needs to work on himself and that being given that time to it would be good for him.
I stated that I was being sucked doewn from his negativity.
He said it was all too much effort.
I feel releaved but my heart is breaking alittle. I am so tired of wondering and guessing. I am so tired of the fights and breakups.
I feel like I am in the door and it's open but I am scared.
I wonder what am I going to do when I get home tonight. What do I do with myself? What do I do now?
I tell myslef these little optimistic things but I don't feel any better. I know I needed to leave but, then, why am I crying?
I feel a little numb.

February 5, 2007
12:04 pm
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gracenotes
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Jon,

It sounds like you really did the right thing for you. But, yes, there will be sadness. I think this is because we go into relationships with expectations and dreams, and if things did not turn out the way we expected, then there is going to be a natural grieving process. Grieving is a healthy process and it is good to feel those emotions. All that pain won't last forever.

Maybe you can make some plans for tonight now. Could you have dinner with a friend? Could you go get a massage? A pedicure? Go buy a new outfit? There are all kinds of things we can do to self care for ourselves. You will do fine.

Take care. (((Jon)))

February 5, 2007
12:11 pm
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jon668
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Thanks. i just made dinner plans with a friend. I feel like melting down into a ball of tears. I also made an appointment to see our councelor one last time this afternoon.
I feel dizzy and relieved and hurt...

February 5, 2007
12:13 pm
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nappy
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Sorry that you are going through this and maybe it is all for the better. I think that we are not really angry about the person but the dreams that we dreams and now they are broken. But while we try getting those dreams, some where in the relationship we tend to lose ourselves and that is not good because that is why we ask the question, Can I live without this person? YES
We tend to let the other person take over our lives and then we are confuse about our own self worth. You need to start working on yourself and to why you are wanting to still take the abuse from him.
Don't base your love on hopes and dreams because sometimes what we dreams is only a dreams and then one day we wake up and be in reality and the drinking, hitting, cheating will continue until you put a end to your own misery.

February 5, 2007
2:31 pm
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jon668
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I spoke to the X. He stated that he only went to counceling because he knew it would make seem like "a good guy". What the hell does this mean.? He has been playing me for achup the whole time. I really have been a fool. I thought I was in a relationship. He was just passing the time.

February 5, 2007
4:24 pm
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gracenotes
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Well, that would make me angry. Sounds like he is happy with who he is and he is probably looking for ways to "get back" at you, judging from this comment. I'd be careful and I wouldn't respond to this and get into it with him at all. He also may be trying to play you for a fool with comments like this just to get you going.

Have you thought about going for No Contact? Done, over with, end the phone calls, emails, etc., because he may continue to manipulate you and throw this kind of upsetting stuff towards you. Right now you are vulnerable, are done with him, and why open yourself to further contact with him? You didn't need to hear this today, or any day.

February 5, 2007
4:52 pm
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Shaney
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I think you should leave and never look back. You'll survive, just like the rest of us. And life will get better again. Trust this instinct to move on.

As far as his comments - they're pretty typical of someone who just doesn't have it in themselves to do the work. He's projecting his failure onto you, instead of admitting that he just couldn't do it. It's easier to make you feel bad about the entire situation, than to let you believe that he couldn't be the man he promised you he'd be. It's lame and it's immature, and one day, maybe he'll take an honest look at himself and do the work, instead of just pinballing through life. Don't let his comments afffect what you already know. He's not interested in changing - not for him, not for you, not for anyone - so don't take it personally. It sounds like you've done all that you can do, and it's probably time to move on.

He's been weighing you down, and now it's your time to be free of the worry, the lies, the betrayal, the addiction. Once you break away, new possibilities will open up. It may take a little time, but know that good things are ahead.

February 5, 2007
5:03 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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Good for you. You don't need a jerk like that in your life. Take time for yourself. Be good to yourself and get ready for a real relationship some day.

February 6, 2007
11:35 am
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jon668
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It's day two.

Well, I feel better today.

he emailed and told me I was wrong about a lot of things that he is not inhuman. If I would have just loved him and listened to him things would have been different.

I feel like crying.

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