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I feel so lost...DS78
May 25, 2006
12:08 am
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depressionsucks78
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I know I haven't been around in a long while, but I'm hoping that some of you still care and will help me out.

I'm a little too lost right now to look at other threads, and for that I'm terribly sorry. I feel incredibly selfish asking for your support, when I can't even help you guys. What a loser I am, huh?

Anyway, there has been so much going on. I don't know if I have posted here since then, but I was in the hospital for a month at the end of January. I checked myself in because I just wanted to die, but I didn't want to kill myself, so I felt that would be the best choice.

After being in the psych ward for that long, you'd think I'd learn some things. Believe it or not, I don't remember most of my visit. I had ECT (Electro-Convulsive Therapy), and it wiped out my memory.

Dang-it gotta go, more tomorrow...

DS78

May 25, 2006
12:42 am
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Randomwomen2
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Of course we stull care about you sweetheart. I am sorry that you are hurrting so bad right now. Im not sure what ECT is but to me it doesnt sound like it does much good if you cant remember. I am glad that you came back here and that you did seek help. We are always here for you sweetheart. Please write more tomarrow.

May 25, 2006
2:20 am
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mamacinnamon
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DS:

You bet we still care for you. Have wondered what happened to you. Good for you for checking yourself into the hospital. Did they set you up w/ counseling for aftercare? If not call and tell them you want it NOW. If so, please make your appointments. It's a bit of a shock when you get out of a controlled environment back into the real world full of crap. Take it easy on yourself. Are you living at your sister's? (didn't u used to?) Set your boundaries. Make sure you have your space in your room and it's offlimits.

I am glad to see you back. Please post away. That's what this place is for.

May 25, 2006
5:13 am
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revelation
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DS,

So glad to hear from you. Can you write a little more about how you are feeling hun?

Last week here I was feeling very confused and upset, all sorts of thoughts running around in my head, but as soon as I had written it all down...it made SUCH a difference...sometimes we just have so many things bothering us, so many things coming in and out of our brains that it becomes muddled and confused. Write it down hun, get it out, we are not here to judge but to listen.

xx,
Rev.

May 25, 2006
8:46 am
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taj64
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Hi It is great to hear from you again. I hope you get better very soon. I bet anything if you just try to help others the words would come so easy. Give it try and it will make you feel better too. You are good at expressing yourself here and I would appreciate having you as a friend. All you have to do is be yourself. (((hugs))) TAJ

May 25, 2006
9:25 am
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smarterone
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Wellcome back

I am going thru a bad bout with i dont want to live bit. Can you tell me what it was like in the hospital. I am very confused and overloaded with not only my problems but i take on my familys and am driving myself to death.

May 25, 2006
2:05 pm
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depressionsucks78
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Ok...sorry, my sister came home last night and came down to the office so I had to leave(so she wouldn't see this site).

Shock therapy pretty much wiped out my short term memory. I remember some things, but for most things it takes me a while to remember, if I do at all.

I continued with the treatments until the 1st of May, when I lost my insurance. Things since I quit the treatments have been a little rocky.

I'm trying very hard right now to NOT quit my job, because I really need the money. At the same time, I can't handle the shit they are putting me through. If it's not one thing it's another, and I'm just so sick of it all.

I will try to write more later, guys. I'm just so overwhelmed right now, it's ridiculous.

May 25, 2006
9:21 pm
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Rasputin
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(((DS)))

Thrilled to see you back honey! What a divine coincidence, I've been thinking about you lately! ~Ras~

May 25, 2006
11:27 pm
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depressionsucks78
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Wow, someone actually thinking about ME??? That's kinda cool.

I am posting my resume on monster.com and jobing .com and I'm gonna look on craigslist.com too.

I am so sick of wal-mart. They have been giving me a lot of crap lately and I just can't handle it anymore. I feel so weak, and lost. I don't know whether I'm coming or going anymore.

I love you guys. Thank you so much for being there for me.

~DS78

May 26, 2006
1:56 pm
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depressionsucks78
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Today is my Monday, it's back to hell I go. I really hate work right now. I am so unmotivated. I do not want to have anything to do with wal-mart anymore.

Somebody tell me it will all be ok. I don't care if it's a lie, just tell me please!!

May 26, 2006
3:26 pm
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Regret
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DS,

I am actually very proud of you. All in all, even though it may not feel like it, you have come a long way. I am happy that you are actually posting your resume on some jobsites. That is a positive sign. It is a sign that says you are willing to try again and again- no matter how difficult it may seem. You DS, you have yourself given yourself hope. Am i making sense? And it is the best gift you can give yourself.

It sucks to work in a place whee you would rather not be. But take it slowly. One minute at a time and you will get through. I am keeping my hope alive for you in the job search ok?

Peace, Joy and Strength to you.

Regret

May 26, 2006
6:14 pm
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depressionsucks78
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Thanks Regret, that means alot to me.

I am so mad right now I feel like I could spit nails. My boss told me I have to take another Leave of Absence because I have a stretched tendon in my elbow and I'm not supposed to lift over 10 pounds with my left arm. They said because it's not ao work-related injury, I can't be there.

Here I am trying so hard to make things better for myself, and I just keep getting shot down. I hate life.

DS

May 26, 2006
6:47 pm
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Rasputin
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Ds - Work can be very stressful. I confess it's hard to find a fair supervisor/boss who treats us fairly and with humanity. I haven't found anyone so far.

Those among you who work with honest, fair and trustworthy boss, consider yourself Very Lucky!

Last week, my supervisor did something very UNkind to me. She deducted 2 hours of my working hours and considered them as unworked. Thus my paycheck was 2 hours less.

I tried to get my rights back but to no avail.

Suddenly while I was sitting in the office today, I've had a light bulb moment. I decided to forgive her. Period. Yes, Forgive her and keep it strictly business with her. That means I keep my distance from her, I don't go out for lunch with her any more or even ride in her car anymore coz I don't trust her. I just keep it strictly business with her.

By forgiving her, I really brought peace of mind to myself, de-stressed and I really am filled with serenity and contentment. I wish I had forgiven her earlier.

At 1st, I didn't feel like forgiving her. However, I had to do it coz that is the right thing.

I also came to the conclusion that: When we forgive someone who was nasty/abusive to us we become Winners!

~Ras~

May 28, 2006
12:44 am
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depressionsucks78
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Thanks for the advice Ras, but forgiveness isn't really at the top of my list. I think that when someone does something wrong, or unkind, or something along those lines; they should be punished, and or treated the same way. I believe that a lot of things wouldn't happen if people knew the same thing would happen to them.

I don't know, call me crazy, but that's just what I believe. I also believe 100% in karma. It's a bitch, trust me.

Again, thanks for the advice. I'll try to have a more "forgiving" attitude.

Right now, I'm gonna go pass out. I am EXTREMELY tired!

love you all

~DS

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