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i feel out of control
October 27, 1999
10:04 pm
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gal-ff
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I have never done anything like this before but I have no idea where else to turn. all of a sudden i am afraid of everything. I have even began having panic attacks and that is something that i have never done before.i am afraid to go anywhere for fear that my car will breakdown or that i will wreck. I am way to over-protective of my children, i feel like im losing my mind.i have always been a very strong-minded person and felt that people could control themselves and their feelings but lately i am worried about EVERYTHING. it sounds so stupid when i look back and see what i have written and how weak i must sound.today, i had a panic attack when i saw a spider in my house. not that im really that scared of them, it just made everything feel dirty. what is wrong with me? i wonder is there anyone else that feels this way or am i really just going crazy? i have to have everything perfect and if its not, it drives me crazy. no matter how much i do i feel like it's never enough..any help??

October 28, 1999
2:25 am
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daizy
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I'm not really familer with this type of behavior, only in what I see of my own mother. She is what I call a neat freak, but she has come a long way with herself. When we would have company and they would be taking a tour of our house, once in a while someone would pick up a family picture and look and then set it down. After they would leave, she would go back through the house and rearrange all the "misplaced" pictures that the friends had looked at. However you said this has just recently affected you.
Again, I don't know only what I've read and heard, but I did watch an episode of Oprah about this type of situation and from what I understand, this can suddenly occur in someones life, when they have not had this "problem" before.
Might I suggest talking to a therapist or doing some research in this subject, especially before you become a prisoner in your own house. I'm sorry I can't be of much help to you, but if I come across something, I'll let you know about it.

October 28, 1999
2:37 am
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daizy
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I did some quick research and possibly found a little help for you.
I did check Oprah's web site and she has a message board (like this) and I did find one that relates to your situation.
Try this link to get directly to the message board.
http://boards.oprah.com/cgi-bi.....FdmaHScbYb^[email protected]/41

If that doesn't work go to the main home page, which is this: http://www.oprah.com/
when you get there go to the message boards (you will have guest access). Once in the message boards, go to the category listed "online support groups". Once inside this category, you will see a whole list of subjects - look for the one called "NEED HELP TO OVERCOME PANIC DISORDER".
I hope this helps.
daizy

October 28, 1999
2:39 am
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daizy
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I checked to make sure the first link I gave you would work and it did take me directly there. All you need to do is copy and paste the link into your web address and click enter...should take you right there.

October 28, 1999
5:30 pm
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gal-ff
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thanks so much for taking your time to find out all that for me. i look forward going and checking it all out. again, thanks...gal-ff

October 28, 1999
6:19 pm
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Anonymous
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gaff when you have such extreme anxiety and panic, you think you are losing your mind but you ARE NOT.
This is your minds way of telling you that you are suppressing stuff but most imp you are under way too much stress and are not taking care of yourself, physically, mentally emotionally or spiritually.
When we become disconnected from our spirit and other people, we tend to develop such symptoms as you are experiencing...i think 25 percent of the population have panic attacts and general anxiety accompanies with depression.
Blessings
Please get yourself into a relaxation group, start journalling yoru feelings and get into counselling

October 28, 1999
9:53 pm
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Anonymous
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THESE SYMPTOMS ARE A MAJOR WAKEUP CALL. YOU HAVE BEEN NEGLECTING OR WORST HURTING YOURSELF.....
PAY ATTENTION AND CHANGE YOUR LIFE TOTALLY...TOTALLY, DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING TO DATE..I CHALLENGE YOU..BLESSINGS

October 30, 1999
9:46 pm
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gal-ff
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MANY THANKS TO TEARS AND TO DAIZY.

October 30, 1999
10:19 pm
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gal-ff
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I AM HONESTLY TRYING BUT I FEEL IT'S NOT WORKING. TODAY, I COULD HARDLY GET MY BREATH BECAUSE MY HEART WAS RACING SO BADLY. I HAVE TRIED LAYING DOWN AND CONCENTRATING ON MY BREATHING BUT IT DRIVES ME CRAZY JUST LAYING THERE, DOING NOTHING. AT THE SAME TIME, IT SCARES ME TO DEATH. I CANT UNDERSTAND WHERE THIS IS COMING FROM...AND WHAT I CAN DO TO MAKE IT GO AWAY. I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A STRONG-MINDED PERSON, FULLY-CAPABLE WITH DEALING WITH THE HARD KNOCKS OF LIFE. IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE PAST I HAVE TRIED SO HARD TO FORGIVE AND FORGET IS SUB-CONCIOUSLY CATCHING UP WITH ME? EVEN AS I SIT HERE NOW, MY HEART RATE IS ABOUT 128 BEATS A MIN. WHAT CAN I DO????

October 30, 1999
11:11 pm
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everblue
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gal-ff,

Go to a doctor and get yourself checked out physically! I agree with Daizy and Tears and I think you are experiencing panic attacks, but you also need to rule out any physical reasons. Problems in your diet, medications, and heart or nerve problems could all be giving you these kind of symptoms as well. Once your doctor has ruled out physical reasons, he/she can probably steer you to a good counselor or therapist, or better yet a psychiatrist. Panic attacks are one of the most successfully treated emotional/psychological problems with medication and therapy. Tears is especially right - your body is telling you that something is out of whack in your life. Find out what it is! Good luck, let us know what happens.

-everblue

October 31, 1999
2:28 am
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grace
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gal-ff,

You sound like I did over two years ago - afraid and confused as to why all of a sudden my body and thoughts felt out of control. I thought I was going to black out, have a heart attack, suffocate, etc. and after my doctor told me that all the tests he ran had normal results, I thought I was losing my mind. Then, being one who was always able to overcome many things by myself, I foolishly avoided therapy (and needlessly sat in an emergency room). It took me a long time to learn about panic attacks and how to get better.

I fully agree with everblue. Make an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible and describe your symptoms as well as fears. You also might want to create a log of all your "incidents" and write down the date, time, and circumstances (what you were doing, what you ate, where you were, who you were with, etc.) It can help your doctor rule out things like possible food allergies and/or help your therapist in helping you get better.

If you are experiencing panic attacks, here's a little info: They seem to come out of the blue, but they actually are a result of a long build up of stress, a lowering of the body's physical ability to handle the stress, and a fear of what's going on. The need for perfection contributes greatly to panic attacks and probably makes attacks even more excruciating because you expect your body/mind to function perfectly. I don't know if anyone can overcome it in the course of a few days and alone. It often takes some time and a lot of steps to making changes in your life to lessen stress, take better care of your health (getting enough sleep, getting proper nutrition, exercising), and calm worries, fears, and other harmful thought processes. Millions of people have had panic attacks. You can't die from a panic attack and there is so much help out there. One web page that I found helpful is http://www.algy.com/anxiety/fi.....arlow.html
If you're having a panic attack, breathe slowly and deeply (don't hyperventilate). Try not to focus on your body too much (i.e. heartrate, temperature) and it should go away in 10 minutes or less.

Go see your doctor to make sure it's nothing more serious first.

Best wishes,
grace

November 1, 1999
5:31 am
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eve
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Gal-ff,

you sound like somebody who isn't used to having personal trouble but instead to being the one who everybody else can rely on in times of trouble. This is a very nice position as long as it lasts, but switching from being the strong one - the one with wonderfull self control - to being the one who needs help can be difficult. When it happend to me nobody noticed for a long time, because everybody was so used to me being the independent, clever and competent one, that nobody took any of my problems seriously. But there are times when you need help and the best thing is to go out and get it - the sooner the better. Look for somebody you trust - or else for somebody professional.
Good luck to you (and don't even think of solving the Problem "am I going insane" on your own).
Eve

November 1, 1999
9:58 pm
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gal-ff
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Thanks to everyone for the advice. This is such a great place to get your problems off of your chest. Then they don't seem nearly as big. I wish that I had known about this site a long time ago. If I had actually had someone to talk to then, maybe I wouldnt be in the shape I'm in now.

eve, you are soooo right about my being the one that everyone comes to. There isn't anyone that I can talk to because they all think that I'm such a together person and can't have any troubles of my own.HA!! If they only knew...thanks
gal-ff

November 2, 1999
11:14 pm
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Anonymous
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Hey i can sooo relate to you gal, listen, I think you are right on about talking about your past coming up, you know, if you dont deal with it and stuff it down (grief, anger etc) it comes out in such a way as you are experiencing. Also it is imp to get "Healing fear" by dr, ummm shoot I forgot his name.,..it is the best book. You really need to find your soul and your true self and the fear goes..believe me. Its about being out of touch with yourself and your soul.

November 3, 1999
1:17 pm
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eve
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Hello gal-ff
how are you doing?
tears says you should look at your past to find the reason for your trouble. But don't forget your present. Is there anything you don't like to face? Anything which seems so unmentionable / unthinkable to you that you rather stay at home and feel afraid than go and meet "it"?
Keep us posted. Eve

November 3, 1999
10:53 pm
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gal-ff
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hmmm. eve, that is a hard one. i am like so many others and had a totally terrible childhood filled with many horrors that im sure alot of others have had. but about the present, i really dont know. i feel like i am very lucky now. this sounds crazy but i think that i cope better when things are not going good. does that sound crazy or what? i have 2 SUPER GREAT kids that im very proud of and a wonderul husband that loves me but that cannot understand my different needs. i thrive on challenge and maybe i am just not getting enough? i would love to have a job but my hubby doesnt think that would be good for our children. however, i am a vol. firefighter and an emt. i love that...i would go into nursing if i could. but i am losing all of my confidence in my abilities so i feel like im stuck. i am so obsessed with one of my girls getting hurt or sick that just the thought alone sends me into a panic.i am not exaggerating about that either. i know it's not healthy for them to have such an over-protective mom but i can't stop myself. i don't even allow other kids to come here for fear of them having a sickness or lice or something else that i can't control. i know they get tired of hearing me say "be careful" or "slow down" and i mean i say it all the time. but i feel like i have to. some people was teasing me about warning my youngest(8 yrs) to watch the poles out in the middle of a store so i stopped myself 1 time and guess what happened...she hit it head on. do you think that it may be because of all of the hurt(mental, emotional, & physical)abuse that i went through that i can't stand to see my kids with even a scratch? this sounds kinda trivial but it's driving me nuts. i allow myself to get into a total panic if 1 thing is out of place in the house. i just want to be more fun and worry ALOT less.it's crazy for a person to have a panic attack just because the house didnt get vacuumed one day or something is laying where it shouldnt be. please tell me what you guys think..i know that you all have problems of your own to deal with and if there was any way that i could help, please let me know. tell me what thread to look at or something. but please help me not to lose what mind i do have left. thanks

November 3, 1999
10:56 pm
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gal-ff
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gosh, it makes me so angry to look back at what ive wrote. why cant i get it together??? i feel so weak..yuck!

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