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I feel like it's right........
June 15, 2000
8:23 pm
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TRosciano
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Ok I mentioned before that I have been involved in a relationship for 3 and a half years. We live together and his brother also lives with us. We were having alot of problems at one time and he was planning on moving out with his brother. I explained to him that if he moves out that I feel like this is taking a step backwards not forward. I also told him that I will not be waiting 3 years from now and wondering where are relationship stands. I told him I needed some definate answers. I told him I'm starting my life and preparing for my future and it can be with or without you. I said if you leave we can still remain friends and I will hold no grudges for the way you feel. Why should I be mad for the way you feel. His brother moved out into a big house and had plenty of room for my boyfriend to move in as well but he remained with me. He told me he needed to start taking responsibility. I told him that if he chose to stay with me that meant that I needed to be asked to be married by you within a year.
I used to not feel confident in myself and felt like I could accept less but now I think very highly of myself and WILL NOT ACCEPT LESS! I feel like I'm much to good for that. I also had alot of jealous and insecure behavior due to past men in my life and me not trusting them. Now I have a motto Why worry about what I have no control over. This little saying has really and truly changed my life. I feel excellent about myself. I also wanted to take more time with me and find out who I am, so I changed my chaotic environment at my house and did this. I am also taking a 7 day vacation next week by myself. I am starting to love me and I love being with me. I also think my new feelings have shined through and my current boyfriend see's it as well because what I didn't like about him he has changed and just given it to me without me asking.
YOU CAN'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER! A statement like this can change a person. I look in the mirror and know I love the person on the other side. Everybody can see a great improvement in my new way of dealing with little stresses that used to bother me before. Plus if problems exsist around me you know what I do....GET RID OF THEM! If I don't like something or feel it is bringing me down rather than complimenting me I get rid of the problem or stress. I just wanted to post this and let people know that their is hope. I still work on my issues everyday but I try to look at things differently and take more time for myself. YOU are what's most important. I don't know if giving him the ultimatium was appropriate but it was what I needed! That is the key word here it is what I needed. Me. My needs! I am changing for the best and if I can overcome things in my life and still have a positive outlook on my future anybody can. I was physcially, mentally, sexually abused as a child. I am also a co dependent. I have been through alot as everybody here on earth has been through their own experiences. YOU have got to want to CHANGE FOR YOU! No one can make me happy except me! Like I said it's a constant struggle but their is hope and light and once you get to that light you have a whole new life ahead of you! I wish everyone much luck. Any others feeling good today or about positive changes you have made in your life?

June 15, 2000
10:21 pm
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i wont go like 'hey, cool, way to go, u've come through and u've won!'..

instead i wonder if it could just be a mood swing for you. I've had moments in my life when i felt at the top, and moments where at the bottom. I think its not easy to survive the abuse u said. It just doesnt make sense, how you can recover so quickly. I'll be honest but i thought i was abused too and i havent recovered. Either that i'm dumb, a looser and whatever u can call me, or that you just had a mood swing when u wrote this. Maybe you were feeling like this for some period of time. My point is to find it whether the good change in ur lfie is going to be permanent ot not.

The statement 'everyone can go to hell' also brought me relief at times, although not now as much as it did before. i guess i know its not the right approach but it does help me still, and keep me from imagining everyone is watching over me, or atleast lessen this effect.

sorry to be a spoilsport, think of me as something u have to get over with, something that could make u stronger. Thats why i'm also not afraid of criticism and if someone gets mad at me, sometimes i laugh, just for amusement. I've seen my mom, and she goes hyper and gets high-blood pressure if someone critices her.

anyways i hope u didnt mind it, u said u were looking for +ve things, and here is ME with my [whatever]. I hope u can find it amusing as i can at times (i have mood swings too).

So ... is this a permanent change or a mood swing? When i'm feeling bad it always looks like it'll last forever but when the good times come(but they come rarely), i sometimes feel THEY are the ones which are going to stay and that eveything is fine now.

anyways i dont think its easy to heal from abuse. b/w how old are u?
also it would be good if you mentioned a chronology of the events in ur life and the times they lasted. E.g, the statement u talked about, when did u start thinking of it? i suppose its still going on till now as u mentioned. Also you said u felt inferior of urself previously, but now u feel better. When did this change take place, what are your siblings like, what did you do to change urself as u say and how long has this good change been in urlife. Do you get flashbacks of previous bad times?

In other words i want to know whether this change in u is permanent or not, and what was the relationship between the problems you had in ur life, and the steps you took to solve them. Sorry for the questions and everything.

I hope you can see what i said as just something which is going to be your barrier to success. And ofcourse may you have the strength to cross it without fear. It will make u stronger! We all need *real* inspiration! 🙂 (or should i just speak for myself here.. ).

b/w if someone thinks i said something wrong, please go ahead and tell me ... i'm always looking for my faults! :). This certainly didnt mean i'm perfect, but just that i'm always looking for any feedback which can improve me. i dont care whether the whole world went against me, if what this really did was to tell me soemthing about myself, give me insight on myself, it would all be i would care about. thanks for listening!

June 16, 2000
10:49 am
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TRosciano
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Honey, it was not a quick process but long painful process. It took about 10 years and it's not a phase but a change in my way of thinking. It's not a mood swing, because it's that time of the month and I'm usually "nuts" so to speak. I have choosen to not let things affect me like they used too. I was hospitalized at 15 and have been going to therapy most of my life but recently have met a new therapist that I really like alot. I have been married and divorced. I feel like an old soul. I was always the mother of the family taking care of anybody and everybody. I am now 24 years old and to say that I am comfortable with myself is a great feeling! I will not let people bring me down. Like I said it's a new way of thinking...I'm trying to reprogram myself. I willnot worry about things I have no control over. I wake up and choose to have a good day. I am more considered with ME and my feelings and my wants and needs more than anything. This is not some quick fix but long hard work. You can listen to my words and believe what you will but there is hope. You have got to find the right way to handle situations and emotions for you. Everybody deals with problems differently and you have got to find the method for you.
It's hard to change the thought process but it can be done. Do you write at all? I also find this as a great way of relieving stress and when I reread my writing I truly do find out alot about who I am on the inside. I'm not saying I don't have problems but the problems I do have....I NOW GET RID OF THEM! My bad roommates...got rid of them, need money...get a second job, want a new career....go to school. There is a solution for every problem but sometimes we can't see it so clearly but others can. Really take the time out to LISTEN to others advice. I know they don't live your life but sometimes strangers can see things more clearly because the are not caught up in the drama of it all. I gotta go know because I'm at work but I'll check back later. Peace and love!

June 16, 2000
11:19 am
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how did you change? did u jsut decide to change and thus only your determination helped you? what exactly did you do? The main thing that helped you ... what was it? Therapy? something else?
Like what should i really do?

June 16, 2000
1:55 pm
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How did I change and why? Well basically like I said I had many years of therapy but that's not what did it. I'm not on any drugs but yea I guess you could say it was determination. I felt like I was repeating everything over and over in my life. A constant cycle of co dependecy and abuse. I felt like..well now I'm an adult and I'm not going to let anybody hurt me anymore because I'm beyond that. I'm not going to let another grown adult hurt me because now I'm grown. I also realized that I have got to start taking responsibility for my actions, I can't always blame it on my childhood. Yes, there are issues but I'm not going to let it ruin my life as the abusers would probably hope for this. Instead I'm going to look at the situation and then look deeper into the past issues and feel the pain and then never experience it again. I looked at all the warning signs for potential abusers and basically I can now spot them a mile away...and that's as far as I want them to be around me. i will never put myself in another situation that effect my ablity to grow, and learn and succeed in life. I have got to start worrying about me. Even my boyfriend is not important as me. i take time out for myself to look at myself and decide where I want to be in life and then just do it or at least try. Nothing is impossible in life and this is so true.
I saught a new way of thinking. Like I said you can choose to start the day off good or you can choose to start it off bad. You have to reprogram your mind to look at the positives instaed of the negatives. Things that stress you out throughout the day if they can be solved then don't delay...just solve them. Things that you can't solve don't worry about because it's beyond your control(EX: other peoples feelings). Also remember to take some real time out for yourself. I don't know your schedule but try to go be alone somewhere. If you like to write or if you don't...go to a state park and just get away from all the worries and spend time with yourself. Figure out who you are as a person. Figure out what you want out of life and your needs and desires. Take this time for YOU! if you can get away go take a short weekend getaway(camping is a cheap way)go get a tent and camp out at a state park by yourself. Don't bring anyone just bring things that you love to do. It takes time and it's a long road but you sound like a really great person and it could probably do you some good. Do you get much time alone? I mean time to sit and think about everything? Do you like to read?
Also, another thing that helped me was to start entertaining myself and to stop relying on others for my entertainment because YOU are your best company. I started to occupy my time with things I wanted to do. Take a class or join a gym just do something fun. Occupy your time! Now I'm not a person with alot of money so i do things very cheaply. I did get a gym membership but that was a saccrifice but well worth it because it would occupy my time that I would have spent in front of the TV. Like I said my favorite is going to the state park and it's free! Yeah I like free! Do anything but sit around in the house and watch TV.
I mean you know you want something to change so you are on the right road! You sound also like a very realistic person that doesn't want to hear any BS and I don't blame you. Who needs BS but what I'm saying is the truth. basically it's a change of lifestyle and a new beginnning with yourself. I always like new starts and wiping the slate clean and getting rid of all the BS that brings me down. Once the BS is gone life becomes much less complicated. Forget others and what they say you know what makes you happy! So what do you think or am I just repeating myself!

June 17, 2000
7:19 pm
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cool ...
well good luck .... i'm trying to get there too (i have yet to experience real professional therapywhich i'll do soon when i'll be able to afford it). sorry my mind is kinda blocked right now, dont feel like saying anything. neways, thanks!

June 17, 2000
8:54 pm
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TRosciano
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You'll get there! Well have a great weekend! peace

June 18, 2000
9:15 am
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Sounds as if many healthy butterflies have entered your life Trosiano, although you may also want to incorporate in your journey other parts of this journey of recovery such as humility, not putting conditions on others , compassion, listening, knowing that others do have feelings and there probobly along the lines that we all feel who come to this site. I agree that determination is the key to move forward, but there is so much more inbetween the lines to consider and work on as well that concern others. Yes, ther are things we have no control over but should'nt shut the door hastily, until all the motives, desires and intentions have been examined to make the best of our choices...

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