Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
I FEEL LIKE AN OUTCAST
May 13, 2007
1:07 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

We'll it's been exactly a week since my drunken missbeahavior. (see thread, reached new lows) Happy to say I haven't drank all week. My friends have forgiven my behavior, or have they? All week I have been trying to make plans with friends and my brother and they keep making excuses not to hang out. It's really depressing, I feel like I have no friends, it's Saturday night and all my friends are out and about doing things and I'm home alone. I messed up and now I'm paying for it.

To add to it, tomorrow would have been my ex gal and my 1 year anniverse. God this is depressing! What a week! Everyone has someone except me! This truelly sucks!! 🙂 I guess it's karma! 🙂 Thanks for reading all!

May 13, 2007
1:49 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

It sucks, and it is hard to be left out of those activities, but you have done a great thing this week. It's hard to stop drinking. Not to mention that it really shows that you have remorse for what happened. You might be surprised in the end tht this may solidify some of those friendships you were worried about losing. You don't need to be "punished" by karma if you recognize and correct your own problems.

be well,
ella

May 13, 2007
3:18 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Ella, it's good to get a response. I know the weekends are rather slow here, so I thank you for taking the time to drop in a few helpfull words. Thanks. 🙂

May 13, 2007
10:35 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Happy Mothers Day to all the Mothers here at AAC!!!!

May 13, 2007
10:42 am
Avatar
CAMER
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 100
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino..i don't think your friends are outcasting you...i think that they do have plans, or whatnot....and you may feel bad about the drinking and think that they are making excuses of not hanging out cuz of the drinking....hope that makes sense.

Maybe this is just a phase in life where you feel you have no friends etc...but don't beat yourself up, or I will beat you up!!!!lol!!!!

Know you always have friends here, and this is just a phase.....have a great day, and glad to see you posting!!!

May 13, 2007
11:49 am
Avatar
atalose
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 18
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino,

I think Camer is right, we tend to intensify things when we are feeling bad about ourselves. We let that imagination take over and all kinds of wild thoughts fill our heads.

I think your not drinking all week was great!

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

May 13, 2007
12:35 pm
Avatar
AQueen
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino-
Sorry to hear of your troubles. As a recovering addict I share with you what has worked for me in the recovery department. As you probably already know qutting drinking or drugging by just abstaining from using the substance is NOT recovery. You will still feel like crap because you are still having the same problems you just aren't drinking to numb emotions, to fit in, to party aka escape, and so on. To really feel better you have to do the work that is required to really be living a life of recovery not just abstaining. For me support groups and counseling were my tickets to a better life all the way around. I'm comfortable in my own skin. I'm comfortable being alone. I'm not so overly sensitive. I accept life on life's terms. Try it, you never know what you'll get out it.
AQueen

May 13, 2007
12:59 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanls all for responding your words are like gold, seriously. That seems to be my problem, I linger on the mistakes of my past all the time. I still think of things I did wrong with my ex a year ago!! And this drunken episode with my friends has really been eating me up inside. I need to learn to just let things go.

May 13, 2007
1:19 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have also been reading into things too much and overreacting, example, at work I was repremanding an employee of mine and she talked back and embarrassed me in front of my employees. I blew up on her belittling her and threatening her job. I went to the restroom and cooled down, I was clearly wrong for doing that, usually I never do that to my employees, they were all shocked to hear me respond that way. As the night progressed I pulled her aside and apologized for my behavior. Thankfully she was understanding and we brushed it aside.

What's wrong with me?! What can I do to stop this? What is this called so I can buy a book and read about it?! 🙂 Thanks all for the help!

May 15, 2007
8:39 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello all, 2nites my first real test. I haven't drank in 10 days (a record for me!!!) I'm gonna hang out with all my friends for my sister in laws b-day party. Wish my sobriety luck!!! 🙂

May 15, 2007
11:37 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Congratulations on ten days, each one is a victory.

What you are doing is hard! You may not be concious of the stress of living without your old lifestyle, even if your drinking was mild. Two comforting things aren't there, or aren't there as they once were- drinking and being able to do what you want with your friends. You may have lingering feelings of regret, embarrassment or whatever, and that is stressful. Talking about this stuff helps as you probably know. That's one of the ideas of how 12 step meetings operate. They helped me a lot in the beginning months.

Trying to avoid gatherings that center too much around alcohol is difficult, almost more difficult than giving up the drink itself. I don't know, sometimes I wanted my friends even more then I wanted drugs/drink but had to be apart from them to get sober. Going out to lunch is nice, but yes... those weekend nights can be rough! It seems all the world is fixed on getting a beer or something. And going through your workday inbetween those times, is not easy.

I know people focus on other interests, I'm still having a hard time building new friendships. (You may not have to drop yours, at least all people who drink are not alcoholics. Most the people I knew were serious users, much worse than me.) I've been clean & sober since June 12, 2002. It's not a cake walk, but I'm proud of it, talk about it a lot here, but never outside of therapuetic environments. People don't get it unless they've been there, so it's hard.

My sister is dying for me to go to bars with her (she never had a problem, she socializes and drinks selzer there). She should know better, but she just doesn't get it. I just keep declining. We go to the movies, to dinner with friends, coffee, other events. You will be able to adjust your social life, change comes day by day.

Are you getting help besides this site? Help comes in many forms.

take it easy,
ella

May 16, 2007
4:05 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I failed. I drank. I was amongst friends and the night went smoothly. All the past was forgotten and the yencorage me to drink when I was content with a water. I drank a beer and 1 led to many. This time I was ver yconcious to what I was doing and saying. I know, I'm weak.

May 17, 2007
9:41 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Santino,

You can stop again. I had many false starts myself. A lot of people do. It is hard to put yourself into certain environments and resist. That is why some people end up eliminating "people and places" from their lives to stay clean and sober. To a degree, it's not just you, it's them in a way- you are surrounding yourself at times with enablers and codependents. You are responsible for your own recovery, but they certainly aren't helping.

Yes you are weak, but you are also in good company. Are you completely opposed to the idea of going to AA? You will meet a lot of people.

be well,
ella

May 18, 2007
4:25 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HI Ella!

Thanks for the words of encouragement.

May 18, 2007
10:04 am
Avatar
balancesekr
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hi santino,

It may do you some good to check out an AA meeting. When you feel like you have nothing to do, go to a meeting. There are so many people there struggling the same way you are, except they are there working on it. I just checked out my second meeting last night. I definitely belong there.

If you find that your life or certain situations are getting out of control due to drinking, then AA is for you to check out.

Doesnt mean you have to label yourself, but you may be surprised by the support you can receive there.

good luck!
b

May 18, 2007
12:38 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't write much but I wanted to let you know that you will be ok, that you just will dust yourself off and try again.

I wonder too if I will ever meet someone. IT does seem like everyone has someone. And that seems like it makes thingss worse. I know how you feel. I just had contact with my ex. I wrote him. Long story short but he wrote back too. We still have our connection yet we have to keep moving forward, because he is with his wife. It is hard. I will have to go through life accepting this. In the meantime everyone I know has someone. And I have a lot to offer, just have not met anyone myself. All you can do is move on and have faith. You want to be friends and lovers with someone special and makes it hard when it it is not happening. Drinking is not going to help it though. Drinking prolongs the pain. You seem to have good moments and then crash. It is all a process. I hope I meet someone because I have been lonely myself. I have been single a long time. So I knw what it is like to be on different sides of a fence. And I too want something nice, something for me, somethat I don't have to compete or share with.

May 18, 2007
1:30 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey TAj!!! gODD TO HERE FROM YOU.

I know the feeling, the everyone has someone feeling. But like you said we just have to keep moving forward, thats the plan. I know I was on this path before and fell, but I can't live in the past. I'm reading codependent no more, and I see so many similarities of myself. I am codependent. The good thing is I see it and am ready and willing to change. Thanks for threading its good to here from you! I do hope you find someone special! You do have alot to offer and I thank you for it!!! MUAH!!! 🙂

May 18, 2007
1:59 pm
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

hello. It is dark and dreary here on the east coast, kind of like the mood. BUt it will pass. I read the book but awhile ago. I often feel I need therapy, someone to talk to in person, but Im so broke, most of the time. I just let this pass. Sometimes it is my best interest to NOT read the books as sometimes it is depressing to read them. At least for me. Keeping busy and going about life seems to help. ANd then going to sleep really helps too. Time is universal healer in all things. IT is the only thing that helps sometimes.

May 18, 2007
2:31 pm
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino -

I have read your postings on these threads for many, many months. You have shared with us MANY episodes of drinking too much (binge drinking). Granted, this last episode was pretty extreme, but I would encourage you to do more than just try relying on will power to control your drinking. It seems pretty clear that you need more than will power.

First, you must decide if alcohol is something you are using to numb your pain? If the answer to that question is "Yes," then you need to be very aware that drinking to numb our pain can birth a path to full blown alcoholism. You need to face that pain and find alternative ways to deal with it. I am sure you "blew" at that employee because of the feelings which are running rampant when you DON'T drink for a stretch.

Please check out AA. It is a good starting point. You may not be an alcoholic at this stage, but the PATTERN of your drinking indicates you are headed toward trouble, unless you take the bull by the horns in this area.

I also hope you are able to obtain some sort of therapy, either personal or group, to help you deal with your codependency issues? Codependency is a tough recovery process. It takes alot of outside support, knowledge, self-discovery and inner resolve to face it and conquer it. But, it is do-able.

You are still suffering so much inner anguish from feeling alone and abandoned. Press on and seek out your recovery from that inner anguish. Don't give up. You CAN beat it and walk your life in peace and contentment.

- Ma Strong

May 19, 2007
6:08 am
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks all for your post, I know you all mean very well and believe me I appreciate it. I'm not ready for AA. I'm not ready to quit. I don't want to quit. I just need to learn to controll myself from over reacting. I drank tonight and made sure I didnt drink too much. I had a good time with my friends and all is well.

I hope you don't all feel like your wasting your time with me, believe me I appreciate and respect all you have to say. I couldnt have made it without you. Thanks all!!

May 19, 2007
10:21 am
Avatar
StronginHim77
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 453
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Santino -

You don't have to quit drinking to attend AA Open meetings! I used to go to them and really got alot out of it. I am not an alcoholic, but I needed some insights and healthier perspective on my own drinking habits.

- Ma Strong

May 19, 2007
12:08 pm
Avatar
sad sack
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 78
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

HI Santino.

I just wanted to ask two quick questions that jumped out at me as I was reading your thread:

What kinds of friends would encourage you to drink?

And why is it that you NEED alcohol to have a good time?

Just curious.

Sad

May 19, 2007
1:56 pm
Avatar
santino
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hello All!!!

Sad Sack: Question #1: They usually don't. They did a few nights ago because we were celebrating a birthday. I guess they wanted everyone to drink and forgt about the previous incedent. I guess there way of saying all is forgiven. I'm 30 years old and I grew up with all of them. In my group of friends that I hang out with, there isn't one who I haven't been friends with for less than 15 years.

Question #2: I know lately it really sounds like I can't have fun without alcohol, but it's not true in most cases. When I have my children 3 days a week I don't drink and we have a blast!!! We go to the park and play, we go to chucky cheese (their favorite!! 🙂 ) A week ago my friends and I went to California Adventure for the day, everyone had wine and I didn't. But I see your point, when it's just the guys we usually go to a bar and naturally there is a bar, and once every blue moon I drink too much and end up doing something stupid that I regret for days!!

Ma Strong: I didn't know that about AA. I thought it was all about people who want to quit. Thanks!!

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
25
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information