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I feel Like a ghost!
October 2, 2005
12:35 pm
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lewis
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hi all.

anybody feel crap all the time?

anybody know how to find happiness?

anybody got some ideas that i haven't thought of?

October 2, 2005
12:36 pm
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Randomwomen2
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counseling antidepresants and prayer.

October 2, 2005
12:37 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Im working on those right now. Im in counseling and am on the corect meds if you have tryyed meds and they havent worked see a phyiatric nurse practioner they will find the right meds for you

October 2, 2005
12:40 pm
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lewis
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thank u for your reply and help.

I don't really want to take tablets, i think they just mask the issue, i want to manage life without medication.

Do you think i'm depressed? I'm finding it hard to sought my life out, even having a shower seems to take effort?

October 2, 2005
12:52 pm
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Rasputin
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Hey Lewis,

The worst thing in life is death. I pray you're far from that.

Take your life one step at a time. Start with the most urgent ones.

Several years ago, I went thru healing process with the help of book, or few books, a social worker and quiet time by myself. All it cost me just some money, and time by myself.

The grieving and recovery journey is process, and it's never too late to start today, no matter what the trauma, agony, age you are at.

It's been very soon 7 years since I started this healing process and today I can proudly say that I have come along way in it. Just separate yourself from negative, jealous people who might discourage you. Develop your spirituality, have a pet and sourround yourself with warm and kind people.

~Best of luck & blessings! Ras~

October 2, 2005
12:54 pm
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Randomwomen2
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it sounds like depression to me but through counseling you may be able to get a handle on it. With me i have so much on my plate right now that i have to have meds or i would litterly go nuts my devorice my ex step father getting out of prison in one week and my counseling is giving me flashbacks there sort of a good thing thay can be hard to bear but they help you sort through them and move on. my meds help me termedicly cause i am able to think and actualy live and cope with the past and i ahve 2 little boys to take care of so i realy needed to be there for them they are ages 2 and 3. I guess meds are not for every body but i know they are for me

October 2, 2005
1:11 pm
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lewis
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Thanks Rasputin. Depends what your life is like when you say the worst thing in life is death, sometimes to me its living that is the worst thing in life. Thats true about taking one day at time. you sound like you have had some experience with struggles. I sometimes wonder if I'm ever going to have a friend again?

Thanks Randomwomen2. Your right if meds work for you then thats good 4 you. I have in the past taken anti depressants and started to feel a little lighter in thought, came off them, two years later feeling crappy again? They don't cure it.

October 2, 2005
1:27 pm
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Rasputin
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Lewis, according to survey made, it showed that Death is the biggest life stressors. So, these are not my own words.

I used to hate life when I lived with my parents. I tried to commit suicide at the tender age of 10-12. I've had so many traumas, PTSD and so many other afflictions, enemies, bad people, jealousy from others. So, I have tasted life's bitter and sour side.

Are you male or female?

why do you think you can NOT find a friend again?

October 3, 2005
12:36 pm
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lewis
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Hi Rasputin thanks for reply.

things must have been bad 4 u at 10 & 12 to want to die, what is ptsd? I think this must be the taste of bitter and sour side of life for me this last year seems to have put me down.

I'm female

I just feel that way right now, I'm alone all the time and I can't imagine be able to do friends again? I want a friend but I can't do it!!!

October 3, 2005
12:39 pm
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Randomwomen2
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ptsd is post termatic stress disorder i also have it its weird i tryed to drown myself at the age of 12 and there were lots of other attempts later but hey we have something in common ras if only it were a good thing.

October 3, 2005
12:43 pm
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lewis
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I remember the first time I felt Sucidal, I think I was between 14 - 16. Its a really lonely feeling.

October 3, 2005
4:13 pm
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kathygy
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I take medication and it dosen't mask my feelings or pain at all. It just makes me more available to work on my issues. I believe a part of being happy comes from loving myself and accepting myself. I feel happy when I take good care of me and do as I choose not what I think other people want me to do. I work at having a loving relationship with myself and my inner child everyday. I pray and meditate.

October 3, 2005
4:33 pm
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OK I was trying to locate an anger quote I couldn't remember and got stopped by this bit about happiness, Lewis:

FULL LIFE
If you observe a really happy man you will find him building a boat, writing a symphony, educating his son, growing double dahlias in his garden, or looking for dinosaur eggs in the Gobi desert. He will not be searching for happiness as if it were a collar button that has rolled under the radiator. He will not be striving for it as a goal in itself. He will have become aware that he is happy in the course of living life twenty-four crowded hours of the day.
--W. Beran Wolfe

October 4, 2005
4:00 pm
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prisoner
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Lewis,
I take Paxil not for depression but for anxiety and it helps me stay focused. Sometimes medications are the best thing and even though they do not cure the problem, they make you more able to cope.
I don't know your story but I know you can make friends again.
I agree with what Brynnie said. You can't search for happiness, it is a state of being. Do things that you enjoy and happiness will find you.

October 4, 2005
4:31 pm
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taj64
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I take Lexipro and Trazedone, not to mask but to help me sleep and focus more and also anxiety and depression. It is not a happy pill. I am not running around pacing and suffering. Im able to be physically better too since my stress level is down. Im am not feeling like a robot but a functioning person. I cannot say I am completly recovered but I know that time is on my side for that one.

October 7, 2005
11:09 am
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lewis
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Thankyou for your replys they all offer me comfort that there are people out there, and I mean there are people living outside my flat, on the planet, it's comforting to know that.

Sorry 4 the above?

I'm still not convinced about meds, because i just feel they mask the problem.

I like the happiness quote, its true, we shouldn't search 4 it. I'm not aware that it is happiness though I search 4?

I just want to start again and revamp my life. It's not just one thing that I need to change. I'ts the whole lot, and I don't know where to start! I feel so overwhelemed, tired, scared, stressed, and totally beaten!

I CANNOT DO THIS ON MY OWN

October 7, 2005
11:14 am
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sewunique
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"Happiness is somewhere between having too much and having too little." - Finnish proverb

October 7, 2005
11:31 am
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Anonymous
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Lewis

of course you can't do it alone - not many of us can - that's why we are all here.

but the solutions aren't going to land in your lap - you need to go find them and work for them...I know that idea may seem daunting - but nobody can help you until you are ready to help yourself.

you should find a therapist right away...they will help get you on track.

if you are worried about them trying to medicate - then find one that is NOT an MD - cuz only MD's can prescribe meds.

that being said - you mentioned being on meds - and feeling okay - then going off and feeling lousy and how it did not CURE you. That is not their role in your health. There is NO CURE to mental health issues. There is ONLY medication to MANAGE the symptoms.

Mental illness is a lifelong disease - like diabetes - you can manage the symptoms with lifestyle changes - but in the end, no matter how well and healthy you live your life, you need medication to manage what a lifestyle change won't fix.

my mom went to the mayo clinic for a full workup cuz she had doubts about our small town doctor's prescriptions for managing her mental health - she got a full workup - and they told her he was doing EXACTLY what he should for her illness - and YES, she would have to be on meds for the rest of her life - or choose to be miserable and bedridden for the rest of her life. She chose being "fat and happy" instead of thin and miserable and in bed - her meds have side effects like weight gain, but her mental health was more important.

there are plenty of medicine options, including natural herbs and supplements, and exercise, meditation and dietary changes you can make to help yourself - but in the end, if your problem is truly a chemical imbalance, you need meds to manage what a good lifestyle can't fix.

it's not a cureable disease like bronchitis or cancer - it is a disease that does not go away.

so begin by making lifestyle changes, get a therapist to work out things in talk therapy, exercise, eat right, check out natural supplements - and then if nothing else, try a new medication.

in the end, only you can help yourself get out of this funk - but you NEED to get help from outside sources to support you during this - for support, guidance and to learn how to do things better and make yourself happy...they can support you, but the work has to come from yourself.

October 12, 2005
4:27 am
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Tumbleweed8
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Just wanted to say Hi, Lewis. Was thinking about you and wondering how you were doing lately. Couldn't sleep so I came here to catch up on reading some of the threads, haven't been on here as much lately. I liked the title of the thread as I feel invisible most of the time. Hope things are going better for you by now.

October 12, 2005
5:46 am
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cliffe
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just to let you know that i too am e person thats on meds!! at the start i felt like a ghost. i felt that there was never going to be an end to all this. i started on the meds reluctantly. a year and a half later and im still on them and seeing a cousellor once a week. the change in me is phenomenal. i felt like i was weird because being only 22 i felt it wasnt normal to be going thru this. now i'm very open about my meds and my counsellor. theres nothing to be ashamed of

October 16, 2005
11:36 am
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lewis
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Hi Tumbleweed nice to here from u again 🙂

Cliffe, I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of being on meds, and if they work for u then thats fine.
I just worry that taking meds can become a normal activity like taking a daily dose of vitamin c?!

Life is difficult and I want to toughen up so that I can cope.

I have a medical examination 2moro, I'm really stressed about it right now. : 0

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