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I feel I made all the problems
July 24, 2004
3:41 am
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sickinohio
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September 27, 2010
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I am a 38 y/o gay male in ohio... I fell in love with my Former boss, and now i am a manager as well. he moved in with me 2 months ago, since then he was room and board free.... because I felt I owed it to him for being my friend... 2 nights ago we had a discussion, and I came to realize he does not love me the way I loved Him... I went and sat on the RR tracks in hope I would fix everything. It didnt.... a train never came. Thank God. yesterday while I was at work He moved out... I never saw it coming.. I tried the RR tracks again, one came and I ran away from it... I went to get help... for 2 months I waited hand and foot on him. If he dropped his napkin I would pick it up, His feet hurt I rubbed them, he needed a soda I got it, he would snap at me and I would apoligize to him for making Him angry... I want Him back so bad, and I know right now as vonurable as I am I would take him... but I cant.... My love for Him just about killed me.. and now I am lonley. but alive... please any suggestions on how to get through this would be greatly appreciated...I am sick in Ohio.

July 24, 2004
8:31 am
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gingerleigh
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September 30, 2010
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Hello SIO. Please call a suicide hotline. I'm glad that you are still with us, but I'm scared for you. No one in this world is worth killing yourself for. Yes, I know, easy for me to say. But I do understand how you feel. I think many of us do. Anything to escape the pain.

You can get through this. Relationships hurt when they end, and when you really love someone, it can feel like your very heart is being ripped from your chest. It's OK to feel that way. It means that you loved deeply, fully, with every fiber of your being. Be proud that you were and are capable of that emotion, since so many people in this world are not.

What you need is some time to heal and get back on your feet. Do you have friends that you can spend time with? I know it's just distraction for right now, but staying busy will get you through the painful first few weeks. Remember that you can always come here for support. There's almost always someone around, as we have posters from all over the world looking in from time to time.

Hugs out to you, SIO.

July 24, 2004
8:40 am
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natty
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September 29, 2010
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Oh my God, sweetie, sickinohio I don't understand the human condition or why we are the way we are.

All I can offer you is this: At the moment I am feeling pretty much the same way as you are, over some dumb guy who doesn't love me.

But I do know this. I have felt this way before. And I look back on those relationships and say ``thank God I am not with him now''.

I know sweetheart that it really doesn't help you know, I know that from personal experience, but please, realise that this much pain doesn't belong with true love. The man who is right for you will not invoke these destructive feelings in you.

A girlfriend of mine once said she knew her husband was the right one because there were no problems, no games, no issues. It just flowed as smooth as a good malt whiskey from the day they met.

honey, these awful feelings are so intense, but they d9n't come when we are with the right person.

I am always checking in, so if you want to talk, please seek me out.

Your life is worth something, plese please please don't go near the railway tracks again over a relationship.

Keep posting, everybody here is here to support you sweetheart. Keep breathing and remember, I don't know you personally, but I know you are a kindred spirit of everybody here and we want to help you. Love and Hugs.

Natty

July 24, 2004
10:24 am
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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SIO,
I couldn't have said it better myself than Natty did. I'm so glad you are here and I can feel your pain. Relationships are so difficult, like I always say and it's never easy when it does not work out. But you are a worthy person, you deserve better. Time will heal ( I know, easier said then done) but it's true. Thinking of you and please check in and let us know how you are doing! We care.

Sunnygrl

July 24, 2004
10:32 am
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CAMER
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sio...thank goodness you are alive...please do not kill yourself over this other man. You are too worth it to take your life.

I myself, dealt with suicide of my
fiance, and now my life has changed forever...not because of breaking up but he was alcoholic/bipolar and had
lots of crazy thoughts going thru his mind when he took his life.

Please know that you did everything that you could to make it work with this man, and now he is the one moving out...maybe it is HIM that
can't handle the relationship...remember you cannot change him and force him to love you.
These days abead will be tough, but please know you are not alone!! and
please come back to the board and let me know that you are ok!!!....camer

July 24, 2004
6:45 pm
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sdesigns
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September 27, 2010
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Hi SIO.. Read your thread and it made me cry because I have felt like you have before. When I was left, I often laid in bed crying- was depressed, couldn't eat or sleep and thought about "if only I had a gun" because I didn't want to feel that way anymore and couldn't see a way out. Am still in an unsettling living situation and had to see him today and got all nervous and shaky and depressed but don't want to die anymore. At least its an improvement. It does get better but takes time. But I look at him now and say to myself he wasn't worth it and why should he get to carry on when I wanted to take myself out? They aren't worth taking your life for. If something makes you feel that way, they weren't worth the emotion in the first place but it takes a long time to realize it. Stay away from those tracks SIO- sometime you'll look at them and say thank God I didn't do it. I thought about how my parents would feel if I did that and they don't deserve that and I'm sure they wouldn't understand why. And all of my friends who have lent their endless support- couldn't do that to them. I don't know if I'll ever find someone who will love me and not use me but they don't have the right to make that decison for me. Please write back to this thread- it has helped me so much to know there are people who care here.

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