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i feel at home
May 14, 2006
5:47 pm
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pinkcloud
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May 14, 2006
6:37 pm
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pinkcloud
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oops, i hit Enter by mistake....spent so much time looking for a nice nickname and almost everything i wanted was already taken , then i thought how many paople are in this situation, too many.
i am going thru recovery from love addiction and facing CD as well as part of my healin process i am writing a book about that subject which really help me to "stay clean.." so this is my story and if you are willing i also have a question to ask.

i think i am a love addict since i was 12 with clear signs, took me 18 years and many terrible realationships to face riality 🙂
i always thought i am just giving too much- talk about awareness I prefered to blame all the others and couldn't see my own behavior. consider myself really lucky to have a supportive loving husband (he is not CD)but couldn't stand the lack of intensity and had 2 affairs, that on the bright side helped me to face riality. i admit of ignoring and neglecting my own kids when had the affairs, not to mention my house , husband, friends, awork and myself. finally said enough is enough. Couldn't stand the price anymore the emotional exhaustion and the way I felt about myself. since then i am in recovery. taking one day at a time, have good days and bad days and terrible days.
keeping myself busy, monitoring my behaviour and especially surrendering to the pain. I think the hardest part is that I am going thru this without my h knowing about it so the OK mask i need to put on coast a lot of energy. I work as a counselor/coach and advising others about their lifes and at the same time having my problems...i know i am on the right path. My body still have this restlessness and peace is still a wishful thinking. As i mentioned the one thing that help me this days is my will to tell and inspire others to breake this cycle as i am doing now. As i am going thru writing my book i wonder what are the 3 biggest
challenges you are experiencing as CD/love addict?
AND what are the 3 biggest goals you'd like to achive when it comes to CD/love addiction?.
Any thoughts on that will be so appreciated.
I hope this thread will help stimulate the mind, make some clarity and also call forth the spirit.
Love & healling to all, i am proud to be one of you, the ecceptance here is so amazing-

May 14, 2006
8:22 pm
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Randomwomen2
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Welcome Pinkcloud. You sound like a wonderful person. I cant even imagine going through the trama that you did. I am glad to know that you know that there is healing out there. Please continue writing more. There are lots of us here who would love to chat with you.

May 15, 2006
10:51 am
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taj64
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Hi Pink CLoud, Im so glad you wrote about your experience. I too believe that is what I suffer too. Love addiction. It was pretty painful experience to come to realize this was my whole life. I get addicted to people who really cannot provide what I want the most, love. It all stems from childhoood, me too, since about the age of 12. My parents got divorced then and a year later my father had dies in tragic car accident. I got involved in an affair of the emotional kind yet my ex boyfriend I had felt abandoned me because he could not make up his mind. It was pretty typical affair story as I learn reading and writing about others. It was devastating experience for me. Im still trying to pick up the pieces of me. My three biggest challenges are to get over being angry and resentful, makes peace with myself, and most of all to forget this man. The last one is the hardest but only time will help that one. My three goals are to recover from this experience and come out a stronger person. At times, I feel hopeless and others I find moments where I am more hopeful. My goal is to lengthen the time where I feel hopeful and happy and less on the pain of not having a close loving relationship with anyone other than my children. I feel the rest of my family also abandoned especially during my crisis. I am trying to come to terms that I should not wish for something that will never really happen.My family was and still is dysfunctional and I have to figure out a way to be happy with my own self and life as it is. I too blame others for my unhappiness. Only I can change that around. It will take me a long time I think but coming here has been a blessing for me. Your thread is amazing and Im glad you started it. I would love to hear from others as well to hear how to recover from love addiction. Thanks so much for the thread. Love, TAJ

May 16, 2006
5:53 pm
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pinkcloud
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Hi TAj, thanks for sharing your story. I know a lot about being resentful.being loving to ourself is not the easyiest job as you already know but try to have as much compassion as posible for yourself. The worset thing in blaming others is that it make you feel powerless and that is so far from the truth. to go thru this and be brave enough to face riallity takes a lot of courage and doing this step says a lot about your strength. as love addicts we naturally want to change other but that is really hopless and a waste of time and energy. i am glad you can see that. The best way to get rid of anger is to let it be, give it space. I believe for us to feel anget it's important the more space you give yourself to be with the pain the less of it will remain with you. somtimes i get it out while driving in the car....I had a great rialisation today as I was offered help from a friend that even when I get love I find it hard to take "it" in then it's never enough. I don't believe in complete independency. as houman we do need each other, we just need to ask for what we want, agree to really take it in and be ok to give space when someone can't give us what we want and need- everybody have issues. those who spare there love spare love from themself as well and interupt the natural flow of love . i try to have compassion for them as well. From now on i want to pracice asking for whjat i need clearly and directly and at the same time give the space for others to say no, and practice let it sink in- ther are people who can give much love and i need to be brave enough to let it in.

May 17, 2006
12:30 pm
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thumkin
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Have you ever read the book "Women Who Love Too Much" Good book to read on love/relationship addiction

May 17, 2006
12:56 pm
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taj64
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I still have not read that book. I have heard it mentioned many times.

Pink Cloud thank you for your wise information. That really jumped at me. Right now, I am not so comfortable with myself. I know it will take long time before i truly recover from my past few years experience. The pain of it all is still with me everyday but some days are fuller and others very hard. I have to believe in what you have said for myself. I actually have been out of the relationship for a long time yet I still have not withdrawn from it mentally. I don't think it is healthy for it to be with me this long.

May 17, 2006
1:03 pm
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gingerleigh
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Hey Taj, a girlfriend of mine today asked me "So when are you going to get over Z? Or are you ever?"

All I could do was laugh. And it really did feel funny in that moment.

May 17, 2006
3:41 pm
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taj64
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Hi Ginger, been awhile since I say hello to you. That is interesting. I don;t know if I ever will get over my Z. It feels as if forever. Being on this site keeps me so locked into it but at the same time I also am trying very hard to work on me and all my issues and this really is only avenue I can come to safely talk about me. No matter how down I get, I have to have faith that I will get over it. I don't like to say this but a part of me being the love addict I am over my last ex, I often feel that the only way I will ever get over my Z is to fall for someone else. That stinks to know because I know I have to work on me before that happens, I have to feel good about myself. But I feel good to have someone to be around and also companionship as well. I didn't get companionship with the ex BF since he was married.

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