Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
I feel a slump coming on...
October 21, 2005
11:42 pm
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Don't know what's wrong w/ me. I am starting to feel depressed. The change in the weather maybe? Days getting shorter? Holidays coming up? The ex bf on again w/ his recent love?

My business is doing fine, but getting slower. So more time for me but what do I do?- think too much and get sad. My life is going absolutely no where- but that's my fault, I know. I have isolated myself to the point I have absolutely no one to talk to, no one to do anything with. It doesn't help that the ex is just merrily living his life, making mine seem oh so dismal. I know- I shouldn'y pay attention. It shouldn't matter. But I hate that such a loser gets what he wants over and over again. I can't help but compare our parallel lives and think he wins. He ripped out something deep inside of me and I can't get myself back. I wish I could turn back the clock to the day I met him and I wish I could have said get lost. I wish I would have had a crystal ball and wouldn't have even talked to him. I can't even blame him for what happened. I was stupid- I took a ridiculous chance on love, when all he wanted was someone to phuck. I hate myself.

Sorry but I am in a "Poor me" mood. Sometimes its just too hard to make nice w/ the world. Sometimes I just don't want to.

October 21, 2005
11:55 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey sdesigns - I feel it too. I've been walking around all pissed lately for no reason at all. Everyone is irritating the hell out of me. My poor mom calls me and I'm just pissy. When I get home from work, I act as if I've a horrible day, when in actuality, I haven't. Maybe it's the change in seasons? The fact that it's changing from sunny, warm weather - to windy, wet and cold. I've been thinking about joining a yoga or pilates place, just to relieve some of the tension - I'm sure my bf would appreciate it if I came home happy and decompressed for a change. Do you exercise? I need to start eating better too... that could play a big part in my sluggish nature, lately. Anyway, just letting you know that I'm feeling snappy too.... misery tends to love company. SAD!!!... but true. If can think of a way to lift your spirits, I'll be back. D

October 22, 2005
12:00 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks, Shaney. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Nothing REALLY has changed. Just feeling like the **it's about to hit the fan for some reason. I haven't been eating well at all, in fact I would be embarrassed to list the comfort foods I've been indulging in latley. Hmmm...do you think that's why my pants are tight? That makes me mad too.

October 22, 2005
12:13 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm feeling pretty porky lately. Every morning is a huge bummer, trying to figure out what to wear. That's how I begin most days lately, so that could have a lot to do with my mood for the REST of the day. Ugh. I was just scanning the room right now, just looking around, and accidentally caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror - the look on my face could make a frieght train take a dirt road - it's almost funny. Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm signing up for yoga, that's IT!

Hey, are you a designer of some sort? sdesigns = designer?

October 22, 2005
12:20 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Shaney: Yes, I am a landscape designer, hence the name. Luckily I work at home so I don't have to face the "what am I going to wear" all of the time. On days when I don't have to see clients, it's strictly sweats, that is, when I get out of my pajamas (LOL). I belong to a gym but gee- sending a check every month isn't getting me in shape- guess I'll actually have to go there one of these days. Ha! I went to a yoga class once and couldn't move for days. Ouch. I should do that again soon.

October 22, 2005
12:26 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

sdesigns-

Awww. I can relate. It sucks to see your ex getting what he wants even if his wants are empty and hollow. I felt that way even when my ex was out on the street getting high. Actually, I was jealous, because I was clean and he was taking the "easy" way out- doing what he wanted and not caring about consequences, not caring about me. It sucked. And with drugs often come lies, and with drugs often comes sex. So what he tells me doesn't equal what I imagine went on. My ex has no qualms participating in sex with several partners at once when he is using. Yuk. Sorry, I am not an orgy girl so I don't get it.

So I think I understand how you might feel. I still love mine, unbelievably. I imagine a big part of you cares for your ex too- even though you acknowlege his faults? And you live so close by right? It is difficult. Though it is painful as hell- in a way, you are better off seeing and knowing about this all. You will not forget how he is, convince yourself otherwise about his nature.

For example, since I can only go by what I imagine (which is probably close to truth), I talk myself out of believing it.

Sdesigns, it is so unfair to see people get things in life they don't deserve. In many ways this is one of the things that the more spiritual persons can cope with better than the rest of us. When I was more spiritually attuned I thought that everyone had an equal amount of pain. Now I feel that is a ridiculous idea and just hope I'm wrong. What about natural disaster victims, and worse? There are no comparisons.

When we apply this thinking to our own lives, it is so difficult to be objective. Even you telling me about this guy makes me angry at the idea of it, and it's not my life! But who knows how miserable he really is to need that many partners. Not that we care about him right now, we care about you.

hugs,
ella

October 22, 2005
12:31 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I'm a designer as well - creative dir. for the last 15 years. I wear sweats everyday - that's funny! - unless someone that matters is actually going to see me... then I clean up and squeeze into my clothes that USE TO FIT. I want the sun to come back - I live in L.A. and it's just starting to get cold and rain a little. Where are you?

October 22, 2005
12:35 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks, Ella. You know, everyone says he must be miserable to need to have that many women. He must be in pain. But- he gets laid all of the time. He is an expert at manipulating women. He seems to be back w/ this one gal, but I saw a dif one going into his place last week. Of course the stove light was on- his signal that he's "got one"- likes to advertise. He's got the seduction routine down pat- in fact according to the sex addiction book I read (which freaked me out to see this in black and white) his type of sex addict has a ritual that they maintain- and to think it works over and over again is so bizarre. Are women so alike, and so trusting an vulnerable that so many of us fall for the same old crap? As the book said- high warmth, low intentions. So true, so true. What a game he plays. I wonder how many of us are out there that know his story. And yet he prevails and gets even more. I am baffled by the whole thing.

October 22, 2005
12:42 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

The stove light? Is that meant for your benefit?

What the hell? How would he know that you would notice that?

-ella

October 22, 2005
12:44 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Ok Shaney- that explains it. I live in LA too. We are usually soooo spoiled w/ great weather. And to think just last week I was laying out at the pool still working on my tan. And then it rained so hard Monday and Tuesday it was pouring. Today I didn't have an appt until 2, so took a shower around noon and headed out to Portuguese Bend, where it was foggy as hell. I need to have sunshine.

What do you design?

Its easier to be creative in sweats, don't ya think? How funny. I guess its because everything is loose and not constricted. Of course I don't wear a bra either when I don't have to go outside. teeheehee. SD

October 22, 2005
12:53 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Ella: Its this little habit he has that he thinks he needs to leave that on as a night light when he's got an "overnight guest". He used to do that when I was his current flavor and I told him not to do that as I thought it was embarassing to have a habit like that. Our neighbors may be old but they're not stupid. A model of discretion, he is not. During one of our many nasty e-mail exchanges I asked him not to do that- I know, stupid me, shouldn't have let him know it bothered me. I even offered to buy him a night light. I wanted him to give me a break- but he of course would rather torture me. You've heard of narcissists- this guy is the N poster child. somehow this must feed his ego. Of course there is the possibility that he doesn't even think of me when he does this, but I think not. Just like when he or the current gf cry out in orgasmic ectasy. Geez. who would want the neighbors to hear that?

Ok, I am starting laugh now. He's too f**king bizarre. SD

October 22, 2005
1:00 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yep, braless around the house is the only way to go. It's the first thing that I fling off when I get home after sitting in traffic for and hour. I work in Westlake Village and live in Woodland Hills... 10 miles... and it takes me an hour to get home. We Californians need the sun, it's essential. On my way to the yoga place I'm getting an unlimited tanning membership too. I'll do anything to get out of this funk.

I design catalogs, product packaging, pop displays, collateral material, mail order material, (anything print)... and jewelry (but not as much anymore).

I'm turning 40 in December... I think I just figured everything out.

October 22, 2005
1:01 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

bizarre. yeah. i guess i can share with you about bizarre. oh, i wouldn't put it past the calculating nature of that type of guy. making him feel twice as important- taking home a girl to massage his ego, then hoping he has enough power over you to have an impact- probably a big trip for him. Sorry, that is not said to make you feel worse- just to note that some people can be so OBVIOUSLY twisted. Who knows why our exes do what they do. It's exhausting to try and figure them out isn't it?

-ella

October 22, 2005
1:08 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Shaney! Hahaha. I do the same thing. I take off my bra before I take off my shoes. Ooo poor baby, you have to deal w/ the (101?)freeway. I avoid that at all costs.

So, are you a graphic artist? How fun.

October 22, 2005
1:13 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You know Ella, I just can't wrap my mind around how twisted he is. I wish I wouldn't STILL try to figure it out. Somehow I think that if I could understand him I could get some perspective on why I reacted to him and let him into my life. It seems like the key to my understanding myself is understanding why I allowed that. So it really doesn't have that much to do with him as it has to do with me- and my lack of slimeball detection at the time. I'm a much wiser gal now, believe me. But I am cynical and bitter and afraid.

October 22, 2005
1:22 am
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Yep - a graphic artist.. I'm lucky that I was able to make a living doing what I went to school for! That's pretty unheard of these days, I guess. I think landscape design would be SO theraputic. I love gardening, yardwork and the whole space design thing. Maybe when I retire!

I read about your "guy situation." Ugh. If it makes you feel any better, it's very easy to find yourself in that sort of situation, with that kind of guy, here in L.A. Guys like that are easy to fall for, and even easier to find. I've been taken too, but there are good ones out there... just to give you some hope. I moved here from the central coast, so I was basically one step above a farmer when I came here. Boy was I naive... but glad to say that I've learned many lessons. Don't get discouraged - I get what you must be going through.

The 101 is evil. EVIL!

October 22, 2005
1:37 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Shaney: I went to school in SLO and I had such a hard time at first. Talk about culture shock. I thought there was NOTHING to do there. But I learned. It was actaully sort of fun in a cowpoke sort of way. Even got used to guys chewing tobacco in class and spitting in a cup. I even like to go back there now to visit.

Thanks for the kind words about "the guy". I want to be done with this! done done done!!! Ugghhhhh.

October 22, 2005
5:49 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks Ella and Shaney for keeping me sane tonight. Hopefully the funk goblins are going to go away. I wish there were pills for funk.

October 22, 2005
8:31 pm
Avatar
Shaney
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 4
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

sdsigns - I graduated from Cal Poly SLO in 1992! Graphic Communication Major! What are the chances... wow.. small world.

October 22, 2005
8:37 pm
Avatar
Guest
Guests

sdesigns-

hi. hope your mood has lifted a bit. i posted to you on the therapy thread.

-e

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
19
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information