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I fear to do my coursework, could anyone gimme some advice?
January 13, 2001
3:37 am
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pooky
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I am a year two college student. I am so afraid to do my coursework now because I have no confidence in handing in my papers punctually. Now i think that no matter how much time the lecturers give me, i can't finish anything. I had late records too last year, but the worst case was that i was two weeks late. And though my papers were late, i did them with effort coz i wanted to good grades which i did. But things are getting much worse this year. I am kind of escaping my courswork. I give myself excuses to delay doing my work until the last few days. I spend a lot time watching TV, eating and sleeping even it is two days before the deadline, no matter how important the papers are. So when the deadline comes, i cannot finish my papers. Then i think that when something is late, it is late and then i do not rush to do the work and make it later and later, till the department office calls that i haven't handed in my work. I lie about it, saying that i am not late and that the staff at the office lose my paper, or that there are errors in email attachments. I finally hand in my work after one or two calls. I feel so ashamed about it because i am a christian but i lie. I do not pray for a long time because i feel so ashamed to meet God. I am so depressed and I have no confidenc e in doing my work. I cannot help myself from the trap. When I sit in front to my computer and start writing, i always feel the organisation is not alright and quit finishing it. I wasn't like that. I was a good student with academic achievements. What's happening to me? How can i get through the unhappiness and get back on the right track again?

January 13, 2001
8:12 am
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janes
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So why are you afraid to succeed?

Why is your self esteem so low that you "shoot yourself in the foot before you are even started.

Doesn't sound like you are excaping your coursework...just beating yourself over the head with it and your procrastination and your innate belief that you aren't good enough to be in college.

Don't "not pray" because of your shame before God...he already knows what is your heart...and him for help.

You can keep yourself from the trap. Stop second guessing yourself. Get yourself to the college counseling center or to a private therapist. There are underlying reasons for what you are doing.

You can change but only you can do it.

good luck

January 15, 2001
1:15 am
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pooky
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thanks janes for your care and encouragement šŸ™‚

you are right that i second guess myself and that there are underlying reasons for what i am doing. but i don't think i am not good enough to be in college. so, the problem becomes so complicated that i do not know why i become like this.

i try hard to think for two years but i still cannot find a certain answer. after reading your message, i think about it again.

is it because i ask for perfection? or is it because i cannot strike for a balance in my studies? I was a bookworm for so many years till i became eighteen. Then i was like liberated and started to open myself to take part in many extra-curricular activities. I made lots of good friends and had fun but my result dropped dramatically. it was really dramatic coz it was like a top 5 student turning to a bottom 5 student. It hurt and my self esteem fell to the lowest of my life. but finally, i got into college (since my school is outstanding academically, i was not too bad overall), not a famous faculty. i want to become a top student again in college. i do have the determination but i am so scared to do so.

is it because i am afraid that i cannot cope with my social life and studies at the same time? yes, partly. but i don't know, there is no single answer and i cannot solve it out.

janes, thanks again for your encouragement, i prayed to God last night.

January 16, 2001
7:13 am
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janes
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Well...if you don't seriously try you will never know and you will have to live with the feeling of failure you create in yourself.

If being successful academically is within your reach and if you didn't like how it felt at the bottom then...it's up to you.

If you cannot solve it out then seek the help of someone who can.

Put yourself on a schedule and stick to it. No excuses...no study...no party.

January 16, 2001
2:24 pm
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Molly
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You really have nothing to fear, but fear itself. It will paralyze you. The less you do the safer you are, until you create your own hell. Success is the other side of splat. It is hard to regain once you let go, so now that you have a grasp, of what you once lost, or misplaced, you know what both sides of the coin are, on top, and on bottom. You don't like to bottom so start climbing. It is hard to hold on to the diciplan when there is a party so get the work done, and then party on. Self parenting is something that we never enjoy doing, but is a must for a successful life, damn rules anyhow, but you know what is right and it is much easier to live with than the other option which is like an emotional pandora's box. So like Janes said, make your schedule and stick to it. Behave or we will request a scanned report card.

January 16, 2001
10:43 pm
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janes
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Beware of adoptive moms (codep) on internet lines......

(nag nag nag nagn nag)

--is that homeowrk done yet?

Are you checking tonight molly.,..or am I?

j-

January 16, 2001
10:49 pm
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Molly
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I think we both are, and I haven't seen anything yet, should we ground her??????

January 17, 2001
12:34 am
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pooky
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janes and molly, thank you so much. i feel your support, which is so warm. yes, you are right that i "know what both sides of the coin are". i have a clearer picture now.

oh...my homework. when i posted my first message on 13jan, i got 2 essays. and now, with your encouragemnt, i finished one and still got one left.

i could not do it now since home is noisy but i promise you two i will complete it tonight. so when i post again on 18th, i hope i will have good news for you 2.

January 17, 2001
7:11 am
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janes
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okey-dokey....
"by the yard it's hard
by the inch it's a cinch"

do a little every day....

If you screw up..don't give up!!!!

January 17, 2001
5:11 pm
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pg lova
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Pooky,

It seems to me that something is depressing you. The reason that I know this is that I was doing the exact same thing my first year in college. However, I am going to recommend that you do what I did, pray. Don't ever be afraid to earnestly seek God's assistance on any matter. I clearly even remember seeing a picture of Jesus hanging on the cross. The logo said "If your life were perfect, what would you have needed me for?" So today I pose that question to you, If your life was perfect why would you need Jesus? But, your life isn't perfect, nobody's is, therefore you have a strong need to pray to Him. I know it's not easy because it seems as though depression has got you down. However, if God can deliver me, I guarantee He'll do it for you. You're talking to a former drug addict, who used to party constantly and drink. My grades even failed in my middle school and first year of high school. Then, I began to make higher grades because I buckled down, but I was still smoking and doing other things. Then, in my first year of college, I was introduced to alcohol and it nearly destroyed my life. My assignments were sometimes done carelessly and although I rarely ever got below a B-, something was missing from my life. Then, in my second year of college, I met Jesus something turned me around and I was able to finally face God. As I went to the altar, I cried and prayed and cried even more. The minister there received me, prayed over me and explained to me God's plan for salvation. It then came out that the reason for all of my past mishaps was simply depression, from the years of bondage, pain, and abuse I had endured. Now, I make it my business to spread the word of God. Listen, Jesus loves you and so do I, so you try what I said and I guarantee that God will deliver you. And, if you ever need to pray or talk to me e-mail me at [email protected].

God Bless U & take care of yourself.

January 17, 2001
8:04 pm
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Brenda
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r u living your dream or your parents?

January 17, 2001
8:10 pm
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Molly
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When we feel alone it is hard to continue to motivate our selves, I personally believe we all need a cheerleader in our corner. I got that her spirits have lifted, and that she feels somewhat connected again, like some one does care, some times it is as simple as that. It works for me, and it has worked for others, that is why there are so many that post on this thread, like comming home, some one there, to listen, maybe well definately, even better than home. Now we will be checking on the 18th that is before Friday, now if you want to go out............... XXOO

January 18, 2001
12:02 pm
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pooky
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thank you so much, janes, molly, pg lova, brenda and others who support me silently.

finally i finished all my coursework for this semester, and start the semester break. i couldn't do it without you guys. i can relax a bit now, but i'm still afraid that i will fall into the trap again when the next semester begins. you know, it's hard to restart from depression and it's always easier to say than to do. but i promise, i will try my best, spend time wisely and effectively and won't waste my precious time in college again.

pg lova, thx so much. yes i feel the same. my grades are not bad, but i know i'm missing something of my life. coz i am not that ambitous student anymore, i've fallen. and the awful experiences pull you down so easily and you fall into a cycle of depression.

brenda, thank you too. no, it's not my parents. they are great, never give me pressure. it's just me. and the worst thing is that, though i am in the worst time of my life, i won't show it, to my family or friends. it's hard to be honest with all the bad things i've done. too shamed.

i really don't want the fear anymore, it's so bad. when the deadline comes, i try not to do it by spending my time eating, sleeping. i gained a lot pounds for that. it affects my self-esteem as a girl too. it's a bad cycle. i really hope i can escape it. and i know, with all your support, it's not easy for me to fall again.

i love you all and God bless you.

January 18, 2001
6:41 pm
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Molly
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Party on, at least until the break is over, and hey about that weight???????? I bet you could meet some kewl people working out or on the tennis court, dance class is good for depression, music and movement. Be safe.

January 18, 2001
7:02 pm
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janes
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Fear is the mind killer.....get through it to the peace on the other side.

February 4, 2001
10:53 am
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crescentp
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my son does not get his work done - in first year of college - he really wants to stay and get ahead - does not want to come home but does not get his work done and does not even get to class. He seems paralyzed. I would like him to stay in school but his days are numbered if he cannot get to class. He seems to be able to handle one class and not the rest. I wish he could get the college experience with ust taking one class at a time. Any advice?

February 5, 2001
8:02 pm
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Molly
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Is he at home or away from home? Some are too young to be left on their own, so early.

February 5, 2001
8:12 pm
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janes
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If it's too early for him to be away how about a college nearer home or just a class or two at a time.

February 5, 2001
9:19 pm
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crescentp
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he is away from home - i agree it might be too early however he was bound and determined to go - a class or two at a time would be good but then he can't live on campus- he has benefited from living with lots of other kids - it has shown him that his functioning is similar to the other kids. thanks for your input.

February 6, 2001
9:31 am
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Greta
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Pooky,

Reading this thread has given me hope in my studies too. I have been so afraid of trying to complete a large assignment for my research class - for all the reasons everyone has talked about here. I do the same things like leaving everything because I don't feel like I can face it, that I'm going to get really confused and fail miserably. I guess my problem is that I never had to really put in any effort at school and always got real good marks. But now I'm older it seems my 'natural' talent has ended and I have to really put the effort in and I'm really scared I just don't have it in me. It sounds so silly, but the thought of this assignment just freezes me!! But I've read all that everyone has written and I'm going to get myself on a schedule and apply myself.....

Thanks so much for being so honest and helping me not to feel just like I'm stupid, and alone. Good luck

February 6, 2001
3:47 pm
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pg lova
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Pooky,

E-mail me and let me know what's going on. It seems to me that you're starting to buckle down some. Keep it up, I'm proud of you and praying for you.

PG LOva

[email protected]

February 23, 2001
12:40 pm
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pooky
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Dear all, it has been a while since last time I wrote something on the board. Though I didn't write, I do care about what's going on and read often.

However, I was so stupid that I didn't realize there have been more response since last time I wrote on this thread in january. So, sorry for not replying to all those who have been so caring and supportive! Esp. janes, molly, pg lova, brenda, crescentp and greta!

I have never thought that this thread would encourage others, so I am so happy to know that it cheers up Greta! Thanks for your support, Greta, and let's keep it up!!

Oh, crescentp, I hope your son is working better now. You know, sometimes we could be pulled down by merely one class due to frustration and disappointment. May be you can ask him more about the reason.

I really feel the warmth here. And I got good news for you all!!! Last time, I said I had a semester break, right? And now, I am back school and yesterday, I handed in my paper on time!!! It is so encouraging to me! I couldn't have done it without all your help and love, and of course, prayers. Actually, before I wrote my paper, I put a note on my table, written "I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Crystal, janes, molly, greta." (Crystal is my dear friend) Yes, I did. Though I haven't finished my paper till the last minute, I am really happy because it is really meaningful for me (for I haven't handed in my work punctually for a long time) Thank you so much, my lovelies!

I know that I haven't recovered fully. But I really have more confidence in facing my courswork now.

Also, I received my report card about 2 weeks ago. I got 2 Bs and 1 B- last semester. I was so lucky. Haha, a report to my adoptive moms on line.

I will pray for all of you. I love you all, see ya!

February 23, 2001
5:06 pm
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janes
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YES!!!! You can do it Yeak yay hurrah huzzah etc etc etc etc etc etc

That old silly saying is SOOOOOO true..

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

You have taken that step. Now sometimes you may need to retrace your steps or CHHOSE to take a side trip but they are your choices and fear no longer can rule you.

None of us are stupid or we wouldn't be able to write on this or any other thread.(greta) (special ed...26 years - teacher tho some days I should be a client.

I am weary today.

Molly - what do you do when you feel codependent at work. I don't want to be an enabler of idiots (or any one else)

February 23, 2001
9:13 pm
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Molly
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Pooky,
You have made mom proud, we knew you could. Now don't go getting arrogant on us. Keep the nose to the grind stone. Isn't great to know there is someone out there, I love it too. Just when you think no one cares, you can come here, and wha la friends, concearn, support, and cheerleaders. A little spark, can light a huge fire. And baby you sound like your burning. šŸ™‚ I am gonna need support too, I have just moved from my comfort zone, into the twilight zone, and need to gear up. This week has been a reality check for me, and a major switch in gears. But I promise to make you proud too. See now I must follow my own advice, I can do it, I can you did, so can I. See how this support stuff works. Great report card, how did you celebrate? New Shoes???

Janes:
Get into real estate!!!! Boy what a reality check for me. They begged me, the clients and the staff, to stay for the great $11 per hour. I said sorry ain't co-dependent no more. I gota take care of me, can't hang out for you , gotta do what I prescribe. Its hard when you know it takes a team effort, but then wake up and find out that you are the team! This week, was a wake up call to the fact that I really am self employed. Although it has been a while, I thank God especially after the last two days that I haven't forgotten everything I have picked up over the last 14 years, as no one holds your hand. I got a lead!!! Just how alone I really was, unfamiliar with the computer data base, and program, unfamiliar with my new cell phone that sends e-mail, couldn't even program voice mail for two days, then had to program the phone on my desk. I had a listing appointment, couldn't find forms, contracts, packaging, couldn't even plug the phone in my desk with out going to the store. Tried to load the program in my home computer so I wouldn't look like the idiot I am in public, let my mate touch my puter, and now it went from not recogizing a D drive to the d drive does not exist, on top of figuring out all the systems, and the market, and the COST of it all. But damn it I did it. Well made the appointment any how, and feel proud that I had an appointment in just one week, will know by Wednesday if they sign, and that means 5k in commission when it happens. I am shocked that the market has changed so much. This is the most affordable so cal area, and you can't find anything under 120k. So tonight my brain is fried. And I think I am getting a new computer, lap top we will see. But as far as co-dependent with working idiots, that is the problem, they are idiots. Your in the school system, DUH its hard, its political, its personal, its your kids. I get that, but that's why I backed out so quick, didn't want to get trapped, and I would have, no one is as good as me, a legend in my own mind, but I am good with that population. If I understand you have tenure, you have retirement, you have to keep on keeping on, and then there is your kids, and the way you come across as a person, you are not all business.You need to speak up, make demands, I think you said you had some sort of administrative responsibilities, shout, make lists delegate. some how get accountability. I will pray for you as in the system as you are, its like trying to climb a mountain with quadraplegics. No offence to the truly handicapped, but.......... My mate gave me an accounting of his efforts with a lady realtor, and what he did for her amazed me, she is the mother in law of his best client, but he has done it for years, and get this, my first week, and he screened MY phone calls. I am all alone. but its ok. Why don't you list specifics, if you want, we can go from there. Love to you both, Janes and Pookey, gee mom, aren't we proud????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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