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I don't wanna be strong
February 16, 2006
6:57 pm
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ryny143
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This "being strong" thing is making wanna die. All I want is for him to show some effort & prove that he cares, but I am still being let down. After being stong all day and not letting my guard down, I am still getting no where and I wish I was dead. This is worst feeling I have ever experienced. I feel like since I am not making ANY progress, I should just back down, and let tngs be the way they have been. I think I am happier when he is treating my like crap, than I am when I am trying to "be strong".

I need him to care but I am finally seeing that he really doesn't and I don't know what to do. Of the 4 horrible years, I still tnk this is the absolute worst I have ever felt. HELP!!

February 16, 2006
7:39 pm
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gingerleigh
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Ryny, are you married to this person? Do you have children together?

February 16, 2006
7:59 pm
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ryny143
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We arent married and we dont have kids- I dont know what to do bc I gave in like usual, just to have him tell me that HE needs a break now. I tried to FORCE him to stay and work things out, but he wouldnt budge. This is unbelieveable bc in 4 years, I dont think this has happened. I'm hoping he expects me to beg & cry from here on in, and its just a game he is playing, but I am so scared. My life is nothing without him- or at least thats how I feel. how could someone who has "tried" for 4 years, & been in such an intense relationship, just chnage his mind like this?

AND he says that he wants to still talk & hang out, but I said that I couldnt do that bc I need to be with him 100%, or not at all. Am I wrong to say that? Is it fair for him to be able to know what I'm doing and where I am and be able to see me when he wants, KNOWING I am now the vulnerable one? Oh my God I am seriously freaking out

February 16, 2006
8:22 pm
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SEESEE
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I am going through the same thing right now. It is very hard to stay logical when you are so emotional. What helped me was trying to find things to do. Trying to stay busy. I work a lot I go out with friends when I get the chance and I TRY, Hard as it is , to be nice to him. We talk and get through some days ok. It has been four months since he up and decided to go stay with friends and some days a good, others are bad. You have to decide what it is that you want and dont let anything destract you from reaching your goal. Persistance and Pride. Find a balance. Find whatever it is that brings you peace and roll with it. And if you find that he isnt interested in trying you have to buck up and move on. Because you deserve the best no matter what!!!

February 16, 2006
8:28 pm
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hopeful for change
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I know how you feel. To avoid this feeling is why we stay stuck..atleast I thats my opinion. But if we have to let go of this crap to get there. Is this person an addict?

I think the only time my H shows he cares is when he thinks he is loosing me. Sucks me back in to stay miserable.

February 16, 2006
8:50 pm
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ryny143
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Thanks guys. I really just can't be strong but I don't understand why. Why do I let this guy make me feel so scared and worthless? I honestly feel like I am completely logical.....but I think he feels the same way about himself. I hope I make it out alive

February 17, 2006
12:00 am
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hopeful for change
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Do you have any friends or family that can support you at this time? Someone you can call. You have to know that their is a light at the end of the tunnel, you might not see it but it's there if you keep moving forward.

I have felt the pain before that you describe and I know how horrible it can feel, I was having deep depression and anxiety attacks.

Have you thought about counseling or a support group? There are alot of people out there to support you if you reach out, you don't have to stay stuck feeling alone.

I hope you feel better and I hope you are ok.

February 17, 2006
2:52 am
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looking4answer
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ryny,
i'm in the same boat as you as we speak. i'm married to my husband now for 6 years and i have 2 beautiful boys. i've lost him(husband)... he no longer love me or remotely care about me. how do i know this...he told me. i guess we've been living with a lie for so long...a lie, he says he loves me but are not capable of it he claims. at first. i blamed myself because i'm always blamed in the realtionship. if the car is broken its because of me. if he is mesirable its because of me. maybe i did do this to my husband. and i still blame myself for it. he wants a divorce and the weird thing is i'm kidda glad that he decided it for us. i love my husband, don't get me wrong i'm scared to not have him around. but this pass few years he wasn't around. i guess he wasn't really there...because he makes me feel like crap...so i thought to myself that this is not the guy i married.so to me he is not around. now that i think about it God gives you this trial to make you strong and to seek him...completely trust in Him and he will give you a better life. it may not what we liked it to be. but give it to HIM and it will give you peace...he will fight that battle for you...this is what i tell myself... i don't have a control over this situation right now only He knows...still waiting for that better life....I feel scared but not worried, i feel sad, but not hurt anymore. its an inner peace...i just worry about my boys, and how will they handle it. they are 5 and 2, i guess too young to really know whats going on. i pray that you like me, we'll bought have that strength to live...not die and give up on life without our spouse. because i don't think we really need them to be happy. i don't really think there is someone that can totally fill that emptiness inside. we need to love ourselve...and loving ourselve means we are not going to put up with someone that makes us feel less of a person. God Loves You So much to let you do that to yourself. I hope we can help each other move on...and live for ourselves.
looking4answer

February 17, 2006
7:11 pm
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ryny143
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looking4answer~thanks for sharing, and I am sorry for your situaion. Everything you and everyone says makes so much sense, but I can never get myself to be that strong. I dont know why. The realization that you cant change someone is so horrible. He has a lot of issues but ALL I ask is for him to care about my feelings and not leave me when I am hurting, but even that is too hard for him. After putting up with all I have, it makes me so mad for him to have any complaints and to actually act like I am in the wrong! Well I could go on FOREVER about how mad and upset and powerless he has been making me feel, but it's not helping. I honestly wish that we were married w kids sometimes, JUST bc I feel like he'd have to be different, but I guess thats a crazy thought.

I think it's true that its best to have your own life and thngs that you like, but its hard when your so used to the routine. I hope we can help eachother too~thanks. I feel so dependent on him to complete my life, and when htings are soooo bad, its sooooo scary to think of any other life. I hope your day went well with all thats going on. I find that its best to take things day by day, but who knows. Its comforting to know your not alone~even though the one person we look to fr that feeling, gives us the opposite. Thanks again

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