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I don't understand why I'm here and what I'm supposed to do
November 3, 2006
11:47 pm
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Anonymous
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I guess it's that time in my life to turn to someone for some help. I have felt most of my life like I don't fit in. I still feel that way, only it's getting worse. I don't know what is the point of life. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. As far as I can tell, it's just about wasting time until you die. Maybe there is a higher purpose, but without knowing what that is, how do you know what to do?

November 4, 2006
1:38 am
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mamacinnamon
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I'm lost:

Glad you are here. I'm sorry you are hurting. Life does have a purpose. Each of us is here to care for each other; to help each other w/ our journeys. I believe in my Higher Power and could not imagine a day w/o knowing he was there for me if I fall.

Would you care to tell more about yourself and why you feel as you do??

November 4, 2006
8:12 am
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mj
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Your not alone in this. I know I have struggled with this and still do.

November 4, 2006
8:57 am
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hopeful for change
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Sometimes I wonder if I am suppose to have this bigger purpose...what is the meaning of life question. I always wish I could do something that made a difference like help the starving children in Africa. I think the thing I forget is that we make a difference in others lives, even if its not some huge monetary thing. Just everyday being there.

I think we to get so caught up in everyones lives and needs that we forget our dreams.

November 4, 2006
12:00 pm
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Wow, thanks for responding, I was afraid I'd get no help. I usually feel like I don't fit in because most people seem to think so differently than I do. I don't see this world as a happy place. I don't enjoy this life or see it as a blessing. I don't understand why people are so grateful to be alive. What's so good about it? It's painful. There might be a few things to enjoy in this world, but these are fleeting moments which end quickly and return you to nothing. I don't know what my dreams are. I have no direction. I have a daughter and she needs me, so I live for her. But what happens when she doesn't need me? What happens when she's all grown and ready to go off and do her thing? I'd love to help people, but I'm lost so how do I help others? I don't have any direction and I don't know what to do with my life. I don't even know what I want.

MamaC, thanks for your words about helping others and being there. Maybe that's all there is and I'm expecting too much. I too believe my HP is there for me, I just don't know why He wants me to be here. I don't see it at all.

November 5, 2006
10:05 am
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hopeful for change
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lost, I think we all have moments when we feel like that. My kids have always been my reason. And mine are almost grown..my 17 year old isn't around much already. But, even when they are older they still need us. I think we put so much into everyone else that we forget our wants, needs an dreams. Start dreaming again for you.

November 5, 2006
4:34 pm
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Ned 348
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That is so sad. I'm not pretending that I have all the answers, I don't believe that anyone does. Life is a journey for all of us. I think it starts by asking ourselves better questions.

If we only ask why is life bad, then you will come up with answers or non-answers that will support that question. I'mlost there has to be things that interest you and things you would like to do.

Do you like to read? You may find books that will help you find answers. Do you like to travel? What gets you excited and makes you happy? If you say nothing, then that is your project to find things that you do enjoy. What hobbies do you have? What type of work or classes would you enjoy? You have to get active in your own life and search.

We cannot answer this question for you but the fact that you are unhappy means that you are capable of more, a lot more. When people like you get going it can be a great thing to watch. I've seen people who are happy to lead lives that are just so mundane and they never stretch themselves to try anything new. So I commend you.

You do find what you really search for. If you think people are no good and hateful that is what you will find. If you think people are joyful and friendly you will find that also. People reflect back to us, very often what we show to them. Allow yourself to be happy.

So get a pen and paper and start writing down a list of things you would like to do and get busy. It is hard work but it will help you so much.

November 5, 2006
4:52 pm
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southgoingzax
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dear I'mlost,

I know exactly how you feel. You probably can't make a list of things you would like to do because you can't think of a single thing you'd like to do - am I right? Nothing sounds interesting, everything seems just like a waste of effort, a waste of your time, energy, resources....sound familiar? I have the same thoughts. What about friendships, supportive professional relationships? Is your life devoid of those too?

Some of these things are symptoms of depression - you probably should see a doctor to see if anti-depressants could help. And part of it is that we can get so isolated that we lose all the positive, motivating forces in our life - if you are in a bad relationship or if you have a negative work situation, you can really start to lose motivation or your sense of purpose.

I agree that there may in fact be no real purpose to any of our lives - therefore WE have to make it meaningful, at least to ourselves. I'm sure you want meaning and a sense of purpose, so you'll have to figure out how to find it. A good therapist may be able to help you get started. My therapist recommended that I just get out and do something social once a week. Even if it's something you am not particularly interested in, it is imperative to get out there and start doing something - it can help to lead you towards activities you really do enjoy. And once you can start enjoying things, you can start to hope and dream again....does that make sense?

By posting here you are opening the door to change, just keep going,

zax

November 5, 2006
6:04 pm
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Ned 348
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Great observation southgoingzax. I forgot about the depression angle. And boy, the comment about being in a bad relationship - ain't that the truth? That is what I like about this site, sometimes when someone asks a question and you want to respond but you are searching for something to say, but when others respond and you read their responses it stimulates your thinking which in turn stimulates others.

I read a book that said if you physically make yourself do something the mind will follow. I had always thought of it the other way around but I do notice when I exercise, once I get going, mentally I start enjoying it too, so now I just go and do it.

The worst thing is to not have hope. If you have hope it helps keep the fires stoked and this will open up other possibilities.

November 6, 2006
3:18 pm
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Well thank you zax, ned & HFC! It's true I think I do get very depressed. It comes and goes a lot. So does hope, sometimes I feel hopeful like life could be good, but so often I fall back into feeling like everything has no purpose, and when will it be over? I have just this past week realized I let myself get too low again. That's when I found this site. I'm looking for perhaps a self help group, or a counselor in this area.

I think the relationships I have are healthy ones right now. But I have become very cynical and distrustful of others. I used to be a much more trusting person, but I'm sensitive and easily hurt, so experience has taught me to be less trusting. However, this has caused me to become a lot more withdrawn, so although I have some treasured friends they are few and far. My husband is very good to me, but he works and is under a lot of stress, it's not helping him that I am not happy, so I feel guilty for burdening him with my issues. I try to put a good face on it all of the time, but really it feels like a lie. I don't like to lie, more guilt.

Funny you mentioned it, I did look into joining a book club, but I live in a small area and there are only a couple that are open to the public. Both are on nights that I cannot attend because I take my daughter to Karate class.

What's hard is holding it all in. Feeling like I'm a freak in this world and pretending to be perfectly normal, but knowing I don't fit anywhere.

So, okay, I will work a list of things I might like to do. I will look into getting a therapist or counselor, I think it would help a lot if I had some guidance, some direction.

Thank you again, I'm glad I've found this site.

November 6, 2006
3:32 pm
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southgoingzax
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Hi I'mlost,

Does your daughter's karate school offer adult classes? That might be something to do you would enjoy...

Another idea - if you live near a university, they usually have a counseling program that is very inexpensive and you can get in to see someone quickly (they use licensed counselors who are working for their PhDs). That's what I do.

Also, I have finally conceded that my lack of hope and motivation may infact be depression and not just how I am - I have picked up my anti-depressant, I am just too chicken to start taking it...yet. So, change is hard, admitting you might have some issues you need to work on is a big step - so be proud that you've gotten to this point. I'm sure you will keep going and find a way to be happier - good for you,

zax

November 6, 2006
7:22 pm
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Zax, you have given me good ideas. I'm actually very afraid of taking a drug for my moods. I was on a tyroid medication for two years, it altered my mood in a bad way, I wanted to die every day. The Dr. put me on several different anti-depressants, none of them worked for me and each time I would go through dramatic mood swings when starting a new one.

I'm not wanting to discourage you. Many people have told me that they have helped them. I'm just afraid of that right now. I want to try other avenues first. If I still can't get it together, I'll consider them.

Thank you for your suggestions, I will check the local college, I guess I should just call them and find out if they offer anything like that. And no, the karate class is only for children. I usually wait in the car and read a book.

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