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I don't think I will ever move on from him
January 24, 2005
9:34 pm
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starryslp
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I can't believe I have been away from my ex for 8 months, and I still can't move on.
I feel like I am back to being where I was the first month. I am sitting here just sobbing so bad wanting to call him back again and again until I hear him say he loves me. And why??? Why do I feel that way, since I honestly know in my head what a jerk he is.

I am so depressed because I feel like I will never move on...NEVER!! I don't know what to do...but I can't start this again.

Please... I really need some encouragment!!!

January 24, 2005
9:37 pm
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Anonymous
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Starry, the one thing I have always admired about you is that you did what I always wanted to do. And now I am finally away from Mr. Jack, you have to remember all the shitty things he did to you, the way you felt when he did shitty things, and how it has hurt you then and still now. What do you really miss about him? The fact that he might move on should not deter you from moving on as well, and in essence he hasn't because he still contacts you, please stay strong you have done such a good job so far.

January 24, 2005
9:48 pm
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starryslp
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I really felt like I had done a good job, but I keep letting him get to me...I keep falling for him, and I keep getting hurt,,, Aces, what is it going to take for me to move on for good???

I hate that he has this control over me.....I hate that he got me all upset again, and that now he knows he has control over me....I hate that even though I should just not call him back tonight, or ever, I am dying too.

I think I just hate myself

January 24, 2005
9:58 pm
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Anonymous
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Don't hate yourself hate him. Look at HOW good you are doing, and you are still doing good, we all MISS the jerks, I promise, and we all want to call, but you have to remember how good it will feel in the MORNING when you don't call him, when you get a little back bit by bit. When you don't call you start to reprogram your mind to not need to so much. It's weird but it works.

I know how much it hurts, I know you just want him to love you like he should, but in essence he WILL NEVER love you like you want.

Do you really want someone that just left a girl pregnant. What if that were you and he just left you pregnant because I can bet if you were prego he would do the same thing to you. And whatever lines of CRAP he tells you, it is just that CRAP so he can get you back where he wants you, and trust me once he gets you back there, HE WILL STILL NOT KNOW HOW TO CARE LIKE YOU NEED HIM TOO, he is a user.

Tell that jerk ass to go fuck off.

January 24, 2005
9:59 pm
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Anonymous
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I have to go now, but please don't call him back, please please don't just for TONIGHT, don't call him and then post tomorrow and if you still want to then think about it then but for tonight PLEASE don't call him back or answer if he calls.

January 24, 2005
10:07 pm
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starryslp
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I know, I feel pathetic when I call, I feel like I should apologize to him for being mean and pushy, but the truth is he is a liar, and he is trying to make me feel bad.

What is my problem?

January 24, 2005
10:14 pm
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on my way
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starry, maybe it is just disappointment in realizing that you rellay have a lot to offer someone, someone that youlike, and they are too dumb to notice. It will take time, but you will get through it.

January 25, 2005
12:21 am
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Hurts_so_bad
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starryslp,

As you know, I have just as difficult of a time as you do letting go.

You have always managed to give me a lot of encouragement when I wanted to write my ex, and even when I broke down and contacted him.

Please take some of the advice you have given me and really try to stay away from him. I would be really leery of going back with someone who has just thrown out the girl who is carrying his baby.

Please take time and think this through before you make any decision. Don't call him right now. Wait and see what he does next. Will he go back to his pregnant g/f if he thinks he lost control over you?

You have stayed away from him for so long - I admire you for that and that proves that you can live without him and you were so much happier than you are right now. Please starry....think before you leap. 🙂

{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}

January 25, 2005
12:47 am
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bubishi76
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Starry,
Honey it's been a long time since we've spoke. Sweetie, you will move on but it's only going to happen when you are ready to reach acceptance. I was in a relationship a long time ago that I had to take 4 years to get over. Why??? Because I held to it. Dear Heart, you have to understand that you are a wonderful person capable of love, good love. Even if this guy were to call you and tell you he "loves" you, it would be an obvious lie because if he did, he would be with you right now wiping the tears from your cheek. I want you to reach the peace that I have found and join me in the Valley that we speak of in my thread now. Hold my hand and I will show you the way. You stood by me so many moons ago and I don't want to see you hurt. It's time Starry, It's time for you to be a bright star in the sky again. You deserve it. Lets take those steps to acceptance and peace. What have you been doing for yourself lately??Please come join me and your other friends here in the Valley. ;o)

~Bubishi~
~The Peaceful Warrior~

January 25, 2005
7:48 am
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starryslp
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Hurts, and B-

Thank you guys for posting. Your words of encouragment help.

This morning I feel bad, because I let him get to me last night, but I guess all I can do is start fresh today, and work towards getting him out of my life.

I just wish it was easier.

January 25, 2005
9:10 am
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bubishi76
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Starry,
It's not easier and remember one thing. This guy will always be your past. Moving on and reaching acceptance doesn't mean that you have to forget the other person. Just take it for what it was worth and keep on keepin' on. You know what I went through. It still hurts me alot but I'm not about to let it put me down. I reached a place, that I really didn't like. A place in myself and in my soul that was barren and scarey. Now, you're depriving the world of a beautiful, intelligent girl that many men would love to treat like a queen. Don't give this guy the power anymore. Put him away, start by putting the pictures away today in a box. And any other real important memorabilia. I had to do that with Deb and when I did, it helped me almost instantly on that road to acceptance. Starry, come with me and join those of us in the Valley. It's a really beautiful place. Me, Camer, Mama, SweetAmanda, Workin', Eternal are all there. We're waiting on you. But we're not leaving you behind. It's time my dear. It's time for a better life for YOU. We all love you.

~Bubishi~
~The Peaceful Warrior~

January 25, 2005
10:57 am
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starryslp
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Your words mean so much....i felt like I had come so far, now I feel like I have gone back so far.

So why not act crazy and call him today, I already screwed up!

January 25, 2005
11:21 am
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tracylyn
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Starry ~

Never beat yourself up for falling back. Every step you take right now is one down a learning path. That path with go forward and back until you fully understand the lessons. A step back doesn't mean you've messed up, it means you need to learn a little more. You will get stronger, as days pass without contact you'll find your strength coming back.

Please realize that you deserve better. You deserve to be happy. Don't ever let another person bring you down. Someone can only take away your power if you give it to them. Do not give it away. Believe in yourself and believe that you deserve the best. You need to know what a great person you are and think HA, too bad for him he couldn't see it.

t

January 25, 2005
1:13 pm
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bubishi76
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Starry,
It's like I've told so many. You're trying to climb the mountain right now and it like your pushing a truck, on gravel. You gain a little ground but you get tired and the weight of the truck makes you slide back down. Then you have to push harder to gain ground. The trick is to get you to realize that you have to just let the truck roll back down the damn hill. Get yourself to the top of the mountain because you don't need that truck in the Valley. It's OK to slide baack some. Remember how many times I did and you were there to push me in the back and gain a little ground. I'll help you push this truck for as long as you need. But you are going to have to realize, that it's time for YOU and let this thing roll. There's a mercedes waiting on you in the Valley. Common now, no beating yourself up, we won't have that because you're too good for that. Time to dust yourself off. I'm her for you girl. It's time for Peace.

"In the confrontation between the river and the rock, the river always wins... not through strength but by perseverance"

It's OK Starry to lose strength but please continue to persevere. I'm not leaving you behind so let's get up this hill. Grab my Hand!!!

~Bubishi~
~The Peaceful Warrior~

January 25, 2005
7:30 pm
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msguud
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Bubishi: I feel the same as Starry, same problem and I feel so good reading your words. Take me to the valley, too. Sounds like a good place to be for me. Thanks!

January 25, 2005
9:08 pm
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bubishi76
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Hey msguud,
Don't know if you're new cause I haven't seen that name before but the Valley welcomes everyone. And welcome to this site. I couldn't believe it when I got there. It's fabulous!!!!

~Bubishi~
~The Peaceful Warrior~

January 25, 2005
10:12 pm
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msguud
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Hi Bubishi - Yes, I'm new here.
Started Gambling Boyfriend. I feel so much better reading the help on here. I feel the same way as Starry, but don't wish to take away from her thread. And Starry, I don't mean to do that. But we're both in the same boat. It's been eight days since I heard from him and I know I won't. He won't call. He's on the road trucking. But anyway, I still hurt, we all hurt. We need to cut our losses, but it's so damn hard to think positive like some people can. When you're a compassionate and giving person, it's hard to pretend you don't care and get on with it. That's the way I feel anyway. But I'm going to the CODA meetings for sure. They sure are helping. I'm gonna learn to speak up in relationships and not be taken advantage of and know that I count too in the relationship. I hope you can find a meeting somewhere, Starry.
Take care of yourself. I care about you.
Ms.P.

January 25, 2005
11:54 pm
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starryslp
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Hey msguud.....you aren't taking away from my post...It is comforting to have support.

A lot of people here are holding on to people who aren't good for us...I dont' know why...and I would love to cut my losses, but it is easier said then done.

I really really wish I could.

Please keep posting...this is a wonderful, safe place.

January 26, 2005
1:47 pm
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pedalsa
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Just found this site. I really liked Aces and Spades advice and I know it is true. I am trying to let go of a man who kepy lying and advertising himself on internet sex sites. He says its all innocent but does it really matter. It hurts and I feel sick to my stomach but I have to get out of this pattern. It is so hard to let go of someone you love even when you know they are no good.

January 26, 2005
1:53 pm
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msguud
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Starry - here's something I just read from a Kevin Burns excerpt:

What if you take a new direction? What if you say "No more!" to a partner who can't care for you? How many times have you longed for a partner who could genuinely smile at you? Someone who actually cared about your feelings? Someone who you can disagree with and still be happy? Someone who could - God forbid - love you?

It may not be easy, it may not come fast. But when you stop the madness you give yourself the chance to reach for the sky. But only you can extend that reach. Only you can make the choice to grow. Only you can stop losing and start working to win in your life.

Good words and we have to read and
re-read them until we believe it. I'll try if you try with me....

HUGGGGGSSS to you

Ms.P.

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