Avatar

Please consider registering
guest

sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register

Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search

— Forum Scope —




— Match —





— Forum Options —





Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters

sp_TopicIcon
I don't know who to talk to . .
May 21, 2000
4:32 am
Avatar
rain_uk
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't know who to talk to, in fact I feel as though I can't talk at all. Over the years I have learnt to keep my self buried deep inside to such a great extent that now if any one asks me about my self I change the subject, if I have to do something for myself and it involves talking I shake. The other day I burst into tears in front of colleagues and I don't fully understand why. Even now I have to write to ask for help because the thought of anything scares me deeply. I feel trapped and desperate at such a young age. This can not be healthy.

May 21, 2000
4:47 am
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

hey .. 🙂 .. things will be alright, ok ..? Its great you've come here, you'll find support from other people and a place to pour your heart out, say whatever you want to say. It will lessen the burden. It will be alright .. ok ?? 🙂

tell more about urself, what your family is like, what sort of relation you have with them, and whether you think you can attribute any of the things you find in urself to past things, like abuse maybe.
i myself was abused by my mom in physical and emotional ways and got a small part of it from my father too.
I sometimes have difficulties too, some days are so bad but some are better.
But i'm learning now (got a far way to go still! ). I'm going to start work on the 'inner child'. i will start reading a book homecoming by john bradshaw. heard its pretty good.
well good luck and do share more. you'll get help here definitely. good luck ! 🙂

May 21, 2000
6:55 am
Avatar
Iris
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You seem willing to change what you don't like about yourself ,this is healthy.There are many things that could help you, these things require you to take the risk:express yourself with others. You have already began,thank you.Keep going,you might plan small steps to keep you going:one step might be to tell us more about yourself -what do you do,what do you want from life...etc, another step might be to tell someone of your colleagues about some of your fears...Another thing that you might do while going through the steps is to relax.Teach yourself how to relax,there are many exercises through this website that might help .Initiate contact with others to make relations (it might lead to friendship).......
What do you think about these suggestions?How do you feel about it? Please respond.Thanks.

May 21, 2000
10:00 am
Avatar
hazza
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi there rain,
The syptoms youa re describing sound very much like a social phobia.

This really is treatable and you can learn to overcome this, okay? so please try to cheer up a little and don't worry too much. Now you know there is a problem you can do something about it.

Right, I am assuming you live in the uk? if so, you really should make contact with a group called First Steps to Freedom, they have a web site, so type their name into your browser and go take a look.

You can email them if you want, so you don't have to talk to them on the phone if you find that difficult, but they will be able to give you stacks of advice and help with any kind of phobia or anxiety disorder.

They really are worth a look, they have helped me so much over the last year, I couldn't begin to describe how much.

When you learn more about your own anxiety and learn when it happens, you will be able to teach yourself to overcome it until you find that your nerves are not so easily triggered. This can be hard work but it WORKS! there are no magic pills that make this go away, it can only be worked on by you, but with the right education and support you will be able to do it, and you will be glad to make the progress.
Please keep talking to us here, many people here know what you are suffering and you can say whatever you like here, it is great therapy!
Peace
Hazza

May 22, 2000
3:38 am
Avatar
rain_uk
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I can't believe the response I have got in one day to my thread. For so long I have felt like no one would listen to me or care. Thank you, thank you, thank you for prooving me wrong.
Tell you about myself? . . I'll give it a go.
I'm from an Islamic background, Bangeldeshi in origin. I live in the uk and one day I want to be a writer. . . That was easy enough. I think I'll try some more.
My mother was the victim of domestic violence for years, none of which I ever really witnessed, when I was about five she took me and my other brothers and sisters to a refuge. We then sought and found accomadation in a council house of which I live in now. This is where all communication stoped for me. My families past life was a secret I couldn't tell anyone for many reasons. To tell might give links my father to find us but also to tell would shame my mother a great deal about a part of her life she wanted to forget. I soon learnt to apply this secret keeping rule to my every day life. I became a very shy, introverted child. I think this is why I enjoyed creative writing so much, it became my only way of escape and expression but I don't think it's enough anymore.
I'm eighteen now and I feel so trapped. I still live with my mother and have little freedom as she keeps a tight hold on me. I'm growing so bitter against her. In public, I still can be very shy, especailly with authourity figures. As a teenager I never thought I had a problem, that it was a part of adolescence, I was wrong.
Oh my God, my life sounds so harrowing! Thank all of you for asking about it and I hope to hear from you soon. I guess this is the first step for me. I hope I don't fall(!!)

May 22, 2000
4:04 am
Avatar
hazza
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Rain,
You have done very well to protect yourself through all your difficulties.
Your mind loves you and did what it needed to do to save you all.

Trouble is, it doesn't know where to stop! you have learnt that KEEPING QUIET = SAFETY. a simple equasion your mind has learned to sabve you from pain.

But now, it is stopping you reach out into the world. The time has come where you need to take that risk of pain in order to grow and move forward. Just like with your mother, you need your mind also to allow you to take some risks and fly the nest.

Will you be going to university? how will you be realising your dream of becomeing a writer?

Are you having problems balancing your mothers expectaions of you as an asian with the way you want to live your life as a British woman? Is this part of the problem?

I do not wish to put words into your mouth at all, I am ust throwing a few suggestions around so that you may have some stuff to think over and soemthing may ring true!

What about boyfriends? Job? Study? Friends?
you mention your mother has a tight hold of you, if you are starting to feel bitter, then this is a problem that needs investigating by yourself.
Please tell us more about you and your life, maybe we can help, we have all here got a lot of experience, there is nearly always someone here who has been there before you and can give you a few tips to help you through it!
Peace
Hazza
At least it is sunny here in the uk today! Well it is down south anyway!

May 22, 2000
10:17 am
Avatar
robinarthurjudy
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't know who to talk to about my depression. I am so confused about my options, that I have left. I am on Paxil for at least a year and I do not think it is helping me. I have tried Prozac and St. John's Wort but nothing seems to help. Sometimes I feel like staying in the hospital but I will have to come back and face my problems. I hope that somebody out there can help me because I certainly need it.

May 22, 2000
3:46 pm
Avatar
minerva
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I don't know who to talk to about my problems. As you all said I keep my self buried and always try to change the subject at this point in my life I think that no one single person is trust worthy.

May 22, 2000
4:58 pm
Avatar
guest_guest
Guest
Guests

los self-esteem is the problem ...
i'm working on it too.
Hang on minerva and robin, it will get better surely !! 🙂

May 22, 2000
11:19 pm
Avatar
Frieda
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

robinarthurjudy: Do you see a counselor? Are you in a hospital setting? Can you change counselors if you find it difficult to talk with one? I'm in the same boat drug-wise, although my new combination seems to be working well (wellbutrin and buspar) So don't give up. I don't think drugs take care of all the depression and anxiety forever, but now I can go to therapy and deal with STUFF that I couldn't deal with before. I am better able to process what I know I must look at, change, forgive, reprogram, renounce, and hardest of all accept.

minerva: I do not talk to my friends about all this any more, either. But I have found a counselor I trust (after several months of trial:)) and being able to spill my sewage to someone has made a huge difference in my mental health.
And don't discredit unloading here. Just typing out what is nagging at you can help so much, and there are so many people here in our boat, that it is very reassuring and grants a measure of hope.

Come talk here! But keep looking for someone with skin on who is trained to walk with you through this. It IS a process, a journey. Don't get scared out of continuing on.

Deep thoughts for the day:

Sometimes I think I undertand everything. Then I regain consciousness. ---Ashleigh Briliant

Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday and all is well.

Have you ever felt/ that even though/you're taking things/"One day at a time"/ it's about twenty-four hours/ more than you can take?

Life generally looks better in the morning. It's just that morning takes so long to get here.

I am not making light, my friends, but I need perspective, and I love these quotes, knowing they're written by a kindred spirit who found some joyful perception. joy, y'all! Frieda

May 23, 2000
2:59 am
Avatar
rain_uk
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

To minerva and robinarthurjudy, I know how you feel and there is a part of me that is relieved to know that these uncontrollable feelings are not exclusive to me.

Sometimes I feel like I hate humanity when the truth is I rarely go out enough into the world to understand humanity. I need to change so I don't get worse but for so long I have just not known how to.

I have never sought professional help so have never taken any drugs. Something inside me tells me though that drugs may help to numb my feelings for a while but will not make me better in the long run. I think a good counseler is the answer but they cost money and as my family are living off support from the state it is not something I can personally afford as the weekend job I do have provides the bare minimum for me.

Thank you hazza for you're reply, some of the things you said did ring true. I have always been a shy girl so I have never really wanted the lifestyle some British girls live nowadays ( eg. clubbing ) however I would like the basic freedom of being able to stay out later then nine o'clock at night! I would like to have a boyfriend but I don't any men. The course I am currently doing is in childcare, the class is full of girls, my weekend job has a staff that is also made up of girls and girls only. Sometimes I get the feeling I am living in a convent.

I am planning on going to university later this year but the university is based in the city I live in so I don't expect life to change dramatically except I might be introduced to more people of the opposite sex. But that seems so far away from now, a whole summer holiday, adn I don't think I can wait in vain hope that something wonderful in my life might happen.

I feel like I have talked too much about my self for one day. Thanks again everyone for your support, and hazza it might have been sunny down south for you yesterday but I was freezing up here!!!!

May 23, 2000
3:32 am
Avatar
Iris
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Back to you rain.
There are many people who do care or share or listen or at least hear. Some of them might be our parents, brothers & sisters, friends, colleagues, neighbors, relatives, co-workers, teachers...etc. It takes 2 to Tango however.Interpersonal relations are RECIPROCAL. That is, when person A shows interest towards person B, much of the time her behavior will begin to cause person B to show more interest towards person A. This in turn makes person A shows more interes,this encourages B even more, and so on. The opposite is also true. When person A behaves uninterested, B has less reason to show interest; in turn, this causes A to become even less interested, and so on:You get back what you give in relations.

Thank you for sharing parts of your life. We all are humans, we all have emotions, thoughts, feelings, goals, hopes, fears...etc but in different combinations and different degrees. We all experience times of joy and times of sadness, times of pleasure and times of anger, excitement and frustration...etc. This means that we are LIVING.

May 23, 2000
3:46 am
Avatar
Iris
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 0
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You are beginning your adult life now. When you were a child, you have learned to apply rules to your life. Some of these rules might be wrong. Of course, we were ignorant when we were children. Now, you can discover such rules and try changing it. One such rule might be :"People, especially with authority figures are scary". Can you think of other such wrong rules?

May 23, 2000
7:33 am
Avatar
hazza
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi Rain,
i Know it seems like an eternity, but before you know it you will be at university, and i think you will really blossom there!

You will meet many new people from all kinds of backgrounds and I am convinced you will find it very exciting.

Right now, you are bored with everything too, i think. The new life that opens up to you at uni, will be really fun.
Also they should have councellors there for the students too, so when you are there you may find that you can get the councelling without too much cost.

Good luck with it all, it sounds really exciting, and its only a couple of months or so until september!
Peace
Hazza

May 25, 2000
1:17 pm
Avatar
chyna15
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

i dont no who to talk to about me being depressed about my grand mothers death ive tried but i cant it brings to many memorys up and they hurt alot and lately ive been thinking about death more like what if my grandfather dies who am i going to have then bye

May 25, 2000
6:54 pm
Avatar
Spirit
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

chyna15: To loose a loved one is difficult. I lost a brother 3 years ago, and my grandmother 2 years ago. Both times I had to be the pillar of strength for the family, mainly for my mom. Death is, unfortunately, a part of life's process. The important stuff takes place between birth and death. What we do, how we live each day, what we learn from those we are blessed with in our lives. Sounds to me as if you were very close to your grandmother. Was she a caregiver to you? Remembering all that she was keeps her close within your heart. Try to remember that she has not left you. Your grandmother has moved on to another place. Daily, I feel my brother's spirit around me. My grandmother's spirit comes when I need some of her words of wisdom. Neither of them are gone, they are just in another level of life. My neice and nephew, when they need their dad, sit in a quiet room and speak to him. They feel his spirit surround them with love and light. Acceptance of death is very tough, at any age. But, if one knows that the spirit lives, whether it is in our hearts, or in the other place, comfort comes into our hearts. May you find peace in your time of grief. Please give your grandfather a hug and let him know just how much you hold him dear to your heart.

June 3, 2000
3:22 pm
Avatar
jpeg
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

rain-uk; i'm new here and i might be a little late as far as posting a reply. you're original message struck a cord with me. i felt that way all throught my childhood and was forced to go to therapy (several times) and rehab. neither one of those worked. then i moved away and went to college, graduated and now have a pretty decent job. not the best, but not too bad either. these past few years have been good and when i thought back to how i used to be i couldn't belive that was my life.
now all those feelings have suddenly come back. i keep flip-flopping back & forth...should i try to talk to someone or not? i was always good at changing the subject and diverting attention from myself when things were bad. talking IS hard. sometimes nothing will come out of my mouth. i start to studder and shake and i get really angry at people who pry. therapy sessions were a waiste of time - i just said whatever i had to say to make everyone believe that i was okay. at one point they wanted to put me on medication, but i refused. i'm not sure if i can let anyone in even if i want to. my poor boyfriend gets freaked out because i can't even talk to him. he was the one that brought me out of those depths just a couple years back. as far as my life in general goes - yes, i have paid my dues, but when i look around me i can see that in comparrison it has been much better than the lives of alot of other people i know. i've made a few inquiries to some local centers but i'm not sure what will be the next step.

June 3, 2000
4:31 pm
Avatar
heartfelt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

rain-uk....if you do fall, get up brush yourself off and go on. You sound like a very sensitive human being, a wonderful trait. You have your whole life ahead of you, remember your life. Mom won't and can't keep the tight rains on forever.Tears are clensing from within, another wonderful gift given to you to express what is within. Writing is a healthy, creative way to express, don't stop. I'd love to hear some writing from you if you so desire on another thread, "poems of becoming". So much comes out in this and other forms of writing allowing insights to enable us and others to see and understand. Your journey is just beginning, one full of blossoms.

June 4, 2000
4:27 am
Avatar
heartfelt
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Prayer and or meditation allows us to directly experience our true nature. The ever healed, the unconditioned, the deathless.From this unimaginal spaciousness and clarity comes the peace and wisdom that we so long for. The path begins from within, not outside, and if sought there the gifts of becoming will replace the chains of stagnation, uncertainty, and levels of a depressed mind. It breaks my heart to watch my mind. As time has passed for me in looking at myself regarding issues of life, the concept of healthy changes is really so simple yet my conditioning makes it sooooooo difficult at times. That's why I say to myself quite often, lighten up, take it lightly.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8

Most Users Ever Online: 247

Currently Online:
49 Guest(s)

Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)

Top Posters:

onedaythiswillpass: 1134

zarathustra: 562

StronginHim77: 453

free: 433

2013ways: 431

curious64: 408

Member Stats:

Guest Posters: 49

Members: 109335

Moderators: 5

Admins: 3

Forum Stats:

Groups: 8

Forums: 74

Topics: 38532

Posts: 714177

Newest Members:

hfifDazy, lfhbyfDazy, Williamsoate, ivankaDazy, madelineej3, chipishev2

Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0

Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2019 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved. Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer