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i dont know what to call this thread
August 29, 2001
9:38 am
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josh
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hi
ummmm...i am still upset by what happened between my parents last week. i think, im not really sure. well, its not just that. im confused. its done and over with but i am still sad. im depressed and i dont know how to make the bad feelings go away. i was on the verge of tears all day yesterday. ok, i cried a couple times. i dont even know why. i know some of you are going to tell me to find something to do instead of dwelling on this. but its not that simple. it works for the time being...i mean, i can pretend that everything is ok for awhile, but i cant make the bad stop going into my mind and .....i dont think im even making sense here. am i? i cant just go play baseball for awhile and think its all gonna go away because i didnt think about it for an hour.
i find myself reaching out to something, someone, and not knowing quite what to say because i feel so mixed up.
josh

August 29, 2001
11:23 am
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CatEyes
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I don't know what happened with your parents, but it might help if you could talk to them about it. I don't know your relationship with them and whether that is possible, but that might be a good place to start. There were times when I was younger that I was upset with my parents, and I still get upset with them sometimes, but now I tell them what is bothering me whether they want to hear or not. It helps to keep the lines of communication open. I have a much better relationship with my parents now than I did when I was younger because I kept so many things to myself. It is okay to be upset and to cry, but you have to find strength to get through what life has to throw at you. The only way I know how to do that is to have a good relationship with yourself and try to find something within you that makes you happy--something that no one can take away from you--something you can count on. It is different for everyone. Life will always have its ups and downs, but don't let it control you. I know it is easier said than done because I still struggle everday. Don't feel as if you are all alone because you are not.

August 29, 2001
4:20 pm
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silence
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That happened to me once. All my life my dad made it clear that I should never cry. There was just no situation that called for it. But, a few years ago I was sitting alone in my basement watching tv. I don't know why, but I popped in The Lion King to watch on the vcr. About 5 minutes into the movie I started to cry for no reason at all. I don't know what set it off, but the tears just came and flowed for a good 15 minutes. Since then I have avoided watching the movie again out of fear that it might set me off. It probably won't, but you never know.

August 29, 2001
4:58 pm
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retard
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i find disney films very sad
they always have happy endings...if only....

August 29, 2001
5:56 pm
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Molly
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No one but you, knows how bad things are, most likely your parents.
I sure would not want to be your age with the stresses that are before you with the pressures of yada yada yada, and parents, are often in denial of what their behavior does to you.
I am sad to admit that I have been guilty of that, and can see from hindsight what certain situations cost my children. I can remember when they did approach me, they didn't have a clue what was wrong, but knew something was wrong. They suggested that I seek help, and as a mom, and in denial, said oh, honey don't worry about mom, she is a grown up, and can handle it, you go off and have fun now. But it does, and did bother my girls. They haven't really demonstrated any long term consequences, and despite it all are very successful, because they actually got it, that I made my bed and had to lay in it, none the less, it was hell for them.
I would suggest that if talking to them would be to difficult, then write them a letter, and if that is to difficult, then see your school counselor, if you can't see the school counselor, ask your mom to make an appointment for you. Talk to your priest or rabbi, but get some help. Its easy with the easy stuff to go play ball, or write it all away, just like with physical wounds, some things need a bandaid, and some things you have to go to the doctor for. Maybe you need more than a band aid, and honor your feelings until you are at peace. Thank you for being clear, that the suggestions were not working for you, again, only you know how bad the hurt is hurting.

August 30, 2001
8:40 am
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josh
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i think i said something wrong here and i didnt mean to.
sorry

August 30, 2001
9:39 am
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CatEyes
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Josh--What do you mean? You didn't say anything wrong. I've been where you are. Don't ever think you are wrong for how you feel. Did we not get what you were trying to say?

August 30, 2001
10:32 am
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josh
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well molly said about i made it clear that suggestions werent working and i didnt mean to say that. i didnt intend for my post to come across that way. 🙁

August 30, 2001
11:00 am
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CatEyes
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That's okay. Maybe our suggestions aren't working. I've gotten advice from people before and it didn't work for me. Sometimes, you just have to follow your instincts. When something feels wrong, it usually is. How can I help you? Do you just need an ear? Support? Guidance? Let me know, and I will try. I don't want you to feel alone or sad. 🙁

August 30, 2001
12:32 pm
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Molly
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I am sorry,that you thought you did something wrong, in fact I honored you for stating where you were with the suggestions. This is like a dart board, we try to help by tossing out suggestions, some of them work and sometimes we keep trying to find the appropriate solution, keep on keeping on, know what I mean. There in the long run is no right or wrong, just what works and what does not. Please please don't think you did something wrong, never especially here.
But this might be a clue as to how your feeling about your parents. Often children think if they were better their parents would not fight, or like the reason they are fighting is something they did, which is so far from the truth. Sorry sorry sorry, we are just trying, and like cat eyes stated you have to follow your instincts, and keep us posted on the progress or lack of progress.

August 30, 2001
2:26 pm
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josh
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ok but im going to camp next week so i wont be here.
i am feeling better this afternoon because i think it will be good to get away from home for awhile.
sometimes it is because of me they fight. like, if i do something my dad doesnt like, and he gets overly mad at me about it, my mom tries to stick up for me. but then he gets mad at her for taking my side and then its not about what i did its about what she did, and then hes mean to her.
i dont mean to make him mad but sometimes hes mad about things that i couldnt help. like when he got mad at mom for misunderstanding....she didnt mean to.
then again if he gets mad her again for no reason i wont be here for her.

August 30, 2001
3:25 pm
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Molly
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Josh, if it makes you feel better, call one of your brothers, to keep and eye on things, and perhaps there will be a camp counselor that you can talk to if you feel like talking to some one, otherwise, try to have some fun at camp, and watch out for the bugs, take pleanty of repellent,

August 30, 2001
4:00 pm
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CatEyes
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Josh--It is not your fault that your parents are fighting, and you are not the cause of your father's anger. They are adults and need to take responsibility for their actions. You are the child, so you need to have a childhood. Like Molly said, enjoy yourself at camp. If you father is verbally abusive to you and your mother, then he is the one with the problem--not you. It sounds as if he needs to go to counseling. Is there any way you can talk to your parents about this or at least have a one-on-one conversation with your Mom since it seems that she is on your side. Maybe the two of you can see a counselor together. I'm sure your Mom must be feeling some of the same feelings you are. Or talk to anyone who is an adult or a counselor. Try going to the library and getting some books on relationships between children and their parents and how to deal with conflicts. Another thing I can suggest is that when your parents fight, go into your room and put your headphones on. Let me know how this sounds.

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