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I dont have relationships
December 6, 2010
12:00 am
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bel
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September 29, 2010
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I
play it safe, no dates, no love interests, no relationships. That
is my way of not getting hurt. Everytime I was in a relationship I
always wondered when it would end, I always knew it would not last.
I tended to seek out people who would not commit or didnt want to.
And I myself have always been afraid to commit to anyone, because I
knew no matter what it would not last. And its proven to be true
everytime I got involved with someone.

Now I dont even
date, havent for over 10 years, its easier and safer for me. I do
miss being treated special or feeling that someone wants to be with
me but the uncertain and unworthy feeling always take over and I
just keep to myself.

I have never
married, raised a son on my own with no help from anyone. It was a
lonely two of us but I tried to make the best of my situation and
tried to give my son the best of me that I could. I could not give
him material things but I had alot of Love to give. But it seems I
made many mistakes with my son as he so often tells me, we have I
think a love hate relationship, he is an adult now but still lives
with me and has not worked for over 3years. He also got married
this year and his family lives with me too and they have a new baby
coming in March.

I am tired now and
want to be on my own but I dont think that will ever happen until I
drop dead.

Just felt like
sharing something of my life.

December 6, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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September 30, 2010
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((((((((Bel!))))))))) I feel the same way about being healthy
and losing weight... The most self defeating words I could say
are...it will never happen... I gained 30 of my 50 pds lost back
while dieting and working out!

Some days I want
to just quit...but then that means my goal will never have a
chance. If you want something bad enough, you fight to have that...
Different dilemmas yes...but when you say never...you set your
fate! ((((((((Bel, be well!)))))))))

December 6, 2010
12:00 am
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sdesigns
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September 27, 2010
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Hi
bel, thanks for sharing that.

Yopu're someone
that has been around for a long time but I really didn't know much
about you.

Sounds like you've
been pretty darned busy for much of your life raising your son, and
now supporting his new family.

Any plans to
spread your wings and live for yourself anytime soon? Even if he's
living in the house, you could still explore new things if you
wanted to, couldn't you?.

Does your son have
any goals as to what he is going to do with his life besides live
with you? Does he have a timeline for when he has to be out of your
house? I know with this economy many families are moving in
together and its rough out there. But if not for that, what are his
plans? Does he have a profession, is he going to school? What about
his wife? Are they helping you with expenses, or are they depending
on you to provide for them?

Join a club,
volunteer, join a gym, join a meet up group, etc just to get
exposed to other people and see what happens.

I don't date much
either. Can't seem to find anyone I really want to spend any time
with. I think I am just too picky.

sd

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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bel
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September 29, 2010
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Hello
Barefoot Girl, thank you for your post and your right we should
never really say never. I dont think I have really given up on
relationship I just dont look for them or even think about it that
much. For the most part I am happy being single and the boss of
myself.

And if I did meet
someone I think my relationship with my son and his family would
get in the way.

Bel

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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bel
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Hello
Sdesigns, thank you for your post. I do have things that I do but
just not that often as I am always broke. I love to go to barnes
and noble book stores, love garage sales, I go to the libray if
only to sit and just people watch, I like the quiet amsphere and I
go to the movies when I can. So yes I do get involved in outside
activites.

My son says alot
but action never follows. He says he wants to work but only looks
online and applies but will not follow up why he is not called,
will not do the foot work like going in person looking for a job.
His wife works part-time but is due in March so then she will be
out of work. She also has an 8 year old daughter from a previous
relationshp that lives with us. My son has a 16 yr old son that
lives with us 50 percent of the time.

So yes I support
them and the house with all expenses. I would not mind them living
with me if only they could pull their own weight and help out, they
do from time to time but I belive my son could do a whole lot more.
I do not give them any time frame for them to be out on their own.
That is my fault because I just cant do it, I am very weak and
could not bare to see my son and his family living on the street
being homeless. I keep waiting for the day when he comes to me and
says hey mom I got a good job today and were saving up to move to
our own place and you can have your own place now!

I know I need to
put my foot down but I just can't.

As for my abuse
past well its the same story as many here. I was abused by my
father from the age of 9 to the age of 12, I was abuse by my mother
from birth until I moved out at the age of 16, I was the 5th
daughter born to my mom and she was sexually abused daily by my
father so when I came along I was the lucky one to be the child
that my mother was not happy about or wanted and whipped and locked
in dark closets and so on.

I learned at a
very early age to be quiet and maybe just maybe I would not get
into any trouble or where they would not notice me much. But it
didnt work very well............

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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(((Bel))) I was abused growing up as well and I learned that
just going with the flow was alot easier in life, even if it meant
that I was "not there or really included" in things, I just was on
autopilot for so long, which is why I have such a difficult time
with friendships, I have three and only one is really healthy or
real..but I hold onto the other two cause I am too scared to be
alone and have no one to shop or have lunch with... But we get what
we settle for, and settling for less than what we deserve is sad. I
am not into social things or activities, but I do like finding
interests that make me happy, and I try to focus on those...I think
taking small steps, one at a time is good, something every week or
monthly that enriches your life and makes you happier? Your son
sounds like he is old enough to be on his own and he will always
live with you, if you make it easy for him and his family...you
know? Why would he leave and get a job if you there? I would draw
up a time line for him and his wife and say that you love him
enough to put your foot down, but you matter too in life. That is
what I would do, of course doing that is probably not very easy and
I understand that too. Its just that life is sooo short and you
never know when your last day is, once we die, we are gone, no more
plans, chances or anything... What do you want and how do you plan
on obtaining that? is a quesiton I would ponder awhile... Sorry to
hear you feel so down, you strike me as one of the nicer people on
acc, hugs to you!

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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bel
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September 29, 2010
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Bfootgirl, I know what you mean about autopilot, dont rock the
boat. Yes I have settled alot in my life, in relationships I use to
let the men walk all over me and treat me like I was the last one
on the totem pole but my way of fixing that problem is I stopped
dating a long time ago that way I dont get hurt.

I can change my
living situation if I really wanted to, I mean I do want to but at
the same time if I do something for myself I feel alot of guilt. My
thinking is why spend on myself when my family needs help too. I
mean I know I am helping them but at the same time I dont know IM
confused. I dont know why I feel alot of guilt if I treat myself
before them. Do you understand where I am coming from?

My son is 40, yes
old enough to be on his own a long time ago. But I think I added to
his insecurites by always trying to be there for him. While trying
to give him all that I could I think I damaged him now he is afraid
to take his own steps in life. So while I thought I would be both
mom and dad to him and give him a good upbringing instead I ruined
him.

I keep telling him
to go to counseling because he has alot of anger issues and lashes
out at me or his wife and the kids. We have alot of stressful days
and nights where I just want to run away.

Sorry dont me to
be on a downer I guess I just have the need to talk right now. I am
not depressed or anything like that just stressed and tired I
think. I will be 61 years old on January 1st so I am no spring
chicken anymore, just a tired old lady now.

December 7, 2010
12:00 am
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BAREFOOTGIRL
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September 30, 2010
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Oh
bel...((((Bel)))) I never been in that situation...and to be
honest, I would have a hard time standing firm on this...do not
want to judge that, but I think at the same time...your being taken
advantage of and that is not fair to you. We all make
mistakes...its part of life, but how long must you keep paying for
them? As bad as my abuse was...it was no excuse for me to be a
jerk...and I have, I never professed to be perfect...so far from
it...you know when we become adults....the abuse doesn't matter
anymore, its now our responsability to grow, to fix our life and
move on... As with your son...whether he experienced pain or
not...for whatever reason...for you to pay for that "forever " is
not fair... You can love someone and not allow them to have their
way...you can still be his mom, love him...but take a stand too...
(((Please be well!!!!!!))))))

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