jenny...I was following here, but not joinging cuz I had not much to post.

but you asked a good question and I wanted to give you my thoughts.

you say people tell you to lighten up or that you are too serious.

I have had the same problem in life as well...I am 35 now and slowly learning to smile and have fun.

I know that my issue came from growing up in a family that was always too damn serious.

We had a pool, but couldn't invite friends over cuz dad was worried about someone getting hurt and getting sued.

We couldn't do certain activities cuz we would get hurt and incur medical bills.

We couldn't have friends over cuz they might get hurt and dad get sued.

Also my mom attempted suicide when I was 3 and 11. I found her in a coma when I was 11. And she spent almost 2 months in the hospital.

During that time, I learned that she was sexually, physically and emotionally abused by her step dad and that I had a sister that was given up for adoption, prior to mom and dad meeting.

This was alot for a kid to handle.

PLUS, I never understood WHY she wanted to die...so I walked on eggshells, trying not to "trigger" another episode. And I took on many adult responsibilities in the house, in order to take the load off of her, so as not to stress her out or overload her.

I was an adult at 11 years old. And if I acted like a kid, my dad would say that if I kept it up, mom would try to kill herself again and if she succeeded, it would be my fault and did I want that over my head.

I have since forgiven my dad for his threats...he was scared she WOULD, didn't understand it himself...it was all he knew how to do.

But for many years, I walked on eggshells...then resented HIM for threatening me and manipulating me like that.

Anyway, long story short...those two things made me act all "serious" and not enjoy life like a kid should do...now I am older and understand that it hurts NOTHING to act silly sometimes...in the right situation...and to enjoy myself and SMILE.

Can you think back and see if there was any kind of situation that made you feel like you HAD to be serious?

Also know that some people are just BORN serious....my daughter is 13 and has been independent and serious all her life...since infancy...she is like a wise old lady in a young body. It's just her personality.

Ever see that carnival cruise line commercial where the mom is trying to catch the daughter smiling and having a good time? That's MY daughter...it isn't that she is depressed, it's just that she doesn't get excited over much.

Another thing that seems to be a theme on these boards lately...is the idea of people in cliques...and the ones that feel left out.

And my thoughts are that the difference between the people dancing in the middle of the gym and the wallflowers at the back of it...are the ones dancing had the courage to leave the wall and have fun and join in and participate.

I was always a wallflower in school...I felt left out...I felt like the cliques didn't want me...that I didn't belong.

the reality is...I never TRIED joining them...I just assumed they wouldn't want me. I never tried. I lacked courage and the self esteem to try to make friends, to join in, to try something new.

And I missed out on alot.

I won't be a wallflower anymore...I realize I have nothing to lose by trying...and everything to lose by not trying.

I wonder if threads like these look like cliques because nobody else has the courage to post on them. Assuming their input is not wanted, so they read, but don't post...and then feel left out?

sorry, rambling....