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I difinitely relapsed..
October 15, 2004
2:06 am
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tenderheart
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September 27, 2010
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I recently broke down my wall that I was starting to rebuild when an opportunity to talk to my ex came up. He was recently arrested for possession of a controlled substance, and a warrant. I went online last week after he left a message on Sunday asking that I lie to this new girl he was talking to and said he would see me later. Well he never called later that evening and by Tuesday my mind started taking control. I was thinking he was with her and that it's true he is over me. Again I have fooled myself. So on Tuesday I went online to see if he was locked up. It seemed to be a common thing everytime he would leave me. Its like a jinx on him. And sure enough 14minutes after he left the message for me he was picked up. I knew that he couldn't call collect because my phone doesn't except collect calls. Deep down inside I was hoping he would make an effort to try and have someone give him a 3-way to call me. By the time the following Saturday came I was laying in my son's room and decided to check online his status and realized visiting hours still had 3hrs before closing so I quickly got dressed and drove to the county jail. I waited three hours to have them tell me they weren't taking anymore visitor's. So they handed out passes for the next day. At first, I told myself maybe this is a sign that I shouldn't be here. UGHHH.... I am so angry inside. I finally got a chance to see him on Sunday and of course he showed emotion that he was happy to see me although there was much distance. I practically told him everything he wanted to hear, and he even trusted me with his property which included his EBT card in which he said I could use so it wouldn't go to waste. I was a bit shocked and yet a little recluctant to actually use the card. He also asked that I show up to his next court date, he asked that I be there for him. I didn't want to miss out on work but when that day arrived I wasn't feeling well and took the day off to go see him. UGHHH...
the following day he called me on a 3-way, and guess who gives the 3-way the new chick. He claims that this girl doesn't want him as a boyfriend and that it is mainly lust. He wanted more, he said she was like how I used to be in the beginning. But she doesn't want a relationship with him. Well he asked if I could take out money from his ebt card and send her $80.00 by mail. He said she lent it to him in good faith. After all these years that I have lent this man money and supported him, he asks this. Yeah right. I took her address but if anything I believe that was my share and I already spent most of it to repay unpaid bills that he left me wiht. There must be a sign on my head that says it's okay to hurt me time and time again. My mom who is aware of my situation is praying I can get over him. She totally tries to help me anyway she could to help me move forward. It sucks cause it is like a cycle. My ex is addicted to drugs, I am addicted to him , and my mom is getting sucked into my addiction to him. I told him that I wanted him back......
I am stuck.. and I know I am probably going to get hurt again. Help.

October 15, 2004
2:21 am
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Zinnie
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Tenderheart,

I can see why you chose that as a screen name. You do have a tender heart.

However, you have a God given brain - your last statement shows that. You don't want your Mom to get sucked into the madness. Believe me when I tell you this - it IS madness.

If you really want "help" - here it is... STOP IT! Don't take his calls, don't go see him, he is a waste of your time and a waste of your life.

Let him call his new chicky for his needs - if she was dumb enough to 3-way for him, she will fall for his blather.

October 15, 2004
9:32 am
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CAMER
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September 30, 2010
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Tenderheart (((hugs to you))))) i know how you feel. It seems the worse the men treat us, the more we want them.
And yes, I too felt like my bf's were and addiction. Obviously, your bf
has "lust" feelings for this other woman, and that is not good. The more you give in to him, the more he will take advantage of you. Don't you think you and your son deserve better?? I think so. Try reading some coda book books, and maybe coda meetings......most of all know how important YOU are and what you do and don't deserve, honey, you do have choices, just take things slow and things will get better.

Camer

October 15, 2004
12:39 pm
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tenderheart
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Thanks to Zinnie and Camer. I work and answer phones all day and his call came through with knowing it was him and my heart sped and a chill ran thru my body. I was happy to hear him
and he is now out. I will continue to write and attempt to re-open my codependents no more booklet. I know I have to think of my kids and what is best for them and not what I think I need to cope with the feelings that I am feeling. Thanks to both of you.

October 15, 2004
6:20 pm
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Molly
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Do the 21 day detox. While you are in your dance of addiction with this man, you are not giving your all to your kids. To much drama, and emotional drain. Good for you for taking the money to pay the bills he left you with, that took courage, regarding the rest of the requests, get over it, get over him. Unless this is what you want. I hope that your relapse showed you what you had, what you gave up, and what you can get. Work it be a real woman, and do for YOU, and YOURS. You sure don't need a convict, with a girl friend, hmmmmmmmmmm now do you ?

October 15, 2004
6:48 pm
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Zinnie
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Ditto Molly...

About the last think you need is a convict, with a drug problem, with a girlfriend.

Z.

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