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I didn't get out of bed all day yestersdy...No tears left to cry.
February 8, 2006
12:51 pm
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Regret
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The familiar is always inviting. It is natural. Now mind you, i am not asking you to leave. I am asking that you do a honest analysis of what has been happening. Of course, if you can deal with it, that is fine. But then, you cannot let him come back as if it didn't happen.

February 8, 2006
12:57 pm
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butterflybaby
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This behavior will stop when you are ready for it to stop..when you are ready enough to move forward and get the more out of life that you deserve. My one friend told me to think about the two people are your shoulders. The one is telling you to go back to what is famaliar...because its comfy...and the other is the one looking out for your well being telling you...is this REALLY what you want...will this put you in a situation that will really make you HAPPY. You deserve to be happy...and the path to becoming happy can be a hard and unhappy one at first but the reward at the end is so worth it....

February 8, 2006
1:27 pm
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gettingthere
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lost sorry if i sounded heartless at the end of the day its easy for me too say screw him,but i think you said it all when does this kind of behaviour stop LOVE GT

February 8, 2006
1:51 pm
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gettingthere,

I didn't take any offense too it!

Hugs, Lost

February 8, 2006
1:55 pm
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I am trying to resist the urge to email him! It is tough right now...

February 8, 2006
1:55 pm
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gettingthere
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hi lost how are you feeling are you here now GT

February 8, 2006
1:59 pm
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gettingthere
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i am here talk to me instead if you would like GT

February 8, 2006
2:04 pm
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Anonymous
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Gettingthere,

I feel very torn about the whole situation. Every part of me wants to call him, email him and get some reassurance. I am just trying to fight the urge too.

February 8, 2006
2:22 pm
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gettingthere
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HI lost yer i no been there dont it but you know how many times do we have to want their reassurance before thats not enough and we want it again the next hour the next day,i have another one of my sayings I DONT DEPEND ON YOUR GOOD OPINION OF ME IN ORDER TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF and i guess you could use it as i dont depend on hearing from you to feel good about myself i think we use their making us feeling good about ourselves to fill up our empty holes,,,but we have to do it for ourselves we cannot go through life waiting for the next phone call the next email to make us feel ok we are wasteing our lives away ,,,,,im only saying this cause you know thats been a problem for me too are we going to be doing this in a years time ? love GT

February 8, 2006
2:39 pm
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butterflybaby
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Wow I really liked what gettingthere just said about we dont need to depend on them to feel good about ourselves and are we going to be doing this in a years time.

I look back at my past year and I have been doing this for 1.5 years now and I am so fed up and tired from dealing with it. It is all very exhausting.

But I can't resist the temptation of emailing him..it always gets me in trouble so if you can just stop yourself from doing that ....thats a huge step in the right direction. Just get on here and write whenever you feel like emailing him.

February 8, 2006
2:52 pm
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gingerleigh
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Feelinglost, you said: "The other thing is I do tend to get a little tipsy when I am out. But I never drive and I think when I am drinking I get the courage to tell him things I don't when I am not drinking, I can't hid my emotions. He says I change when I drink. Does it sound like I have a drinking problem, this is making me question myself. "

This sounds so familiar to me. When I was 25 I started dating a man that I would eventually marry. I too was financially successful, advanced in my career, and liked to have a few drinks with friends. So did he. But he would tell me that I "changed" when I drank. I reacted to this very unhealthily. I actually started to drink more often, and in private, just to "escape" him.

Fast forward 5 years. I've seen a marriage, a military deployment, an affair (yep, mine), a divorce, and all kinds of crap in between. But I'm finally free! If I had it to do over again, I would have cut the ties early on, because waiting it out certainly didn't make it any better.

If the biggest hit you're taking on not going to Atlantic City is $400, that's a small price to pay to go and do something you REALLY want. Take a gal pal and go!

February 8, 2006
3:18 pm
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Anonymous
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Thanks Ginger...
Hugs, Lost

February 8, 2006
3:38 pm
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Anonymous
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I am feeling overwhelmed... I just want to call write..ect. Sorry to keep posting but it keeps me from talking to him.

February 8, 2006
3:47 pm
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taj64
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In the beginning it is very overwhelming. But it gets easier in time. I would try to remind yourself what the outcome would be if you did call. Would you end up feeling hurt and anxious and if you did feel good about it, how long would it last. For me, I would feel so good about it but it would not take long for the hurt to set in and that would take even longer to get over. It is vicious cycle. And putting yourself there can start that cycle. Plus part of the process of healing does involve no contact so that you can heal properly. Your heart is broken and it needs to heal. It needs to feel love again and it will but you have to get over the loss of this one before you can be ready for the next one. I put a rubberband around my wrist and would snap it everytime I got that awful urge or craving to call. I would think of all the hurtful things he did and I would snap it and remember that if I did call this is what would happen. It really does lessen in time and it is ok to have that urge just know you have the control in what to do with that urge. And part of not giving in to it gives you a sense of empowerment. At least it did for me. Im really sorry you are having such a hard time right now. It will get better.

February 8, 2006
6:06 pm
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SassyAlex
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Hi, trust me, I know what it's like to have all the signs right in front of your face but still be able to overlook them when the desire to reach out to them is there. I know far too well.

As for Atlantic City, I would either go with friends as suggested by others, or personally I would swallow the $400 and say screw it. In the end, $400 is a small price to pay for your sanity and well being. Going on a trip with him to AC sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, and if you went, I think you would find yourself wishing you had just forgotten about the $400 and stayed away.

Someone told me once, when I lost $550 to something I didn't want to pay for, just allow yourself to say, damn that's a lot of money, but then forget about it. It's gone, and any time you feel the urge to feel bad about it, don't. It's gone, you cannot get it back, take it as a learning experience and move on.

Keep posting here to stay strong...I'm on here tonight for the same reason...I am trying to listen here and post instead of giving into my ex who wants to see me. We can all support each other to stay away from these people who are not good for us even though we feel the draw.

February 9, 2006
8:44 am
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Anonymous
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Last night I was angry! He sent me a few text meassages and said he might call me later. So at 12:30 he still didn't call. I guess might meant no.

I felt upset this morning when I woke up. I had this overwhelming urge to call him bc we usually talk in the morning. I waited awhile to see if he called and damn it I gave in and called him.

I asked how his class was and if he had fun when he went out. He said yeah, I didn't get home until 1:00. I said thats cool I was hoping we would get a chance to talk. He said about what? I said just wanted to talk bc we haven't in awhile, he said oh.

I asked if he was going to auction tonight and he said he didn't know. He asked if I was going out and I told him no because I have a review for an accounting class. He had mentioned about doing something on Friday the other day so I asked and he said we will see. I started getting teary eyed and tried to hide it, He said OMG don't start crying. I said I guess I just miss u... His response was well.. Kinda like well its ur fault.

Then he proceeded to be somewhat snide and left me feeling like crap! I am SOOOO mad at myself for calling him but I miss him 🙁

Hugs, Lost

February 9, 2006
8:56 am
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gettingthere
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hi lost just looked in tO see how you were just started up my thread feeling all over the place too....
dont be mad at yourself ok weve all done it ,,but what i say is you can learn from it so next time maybe you can try something different they get to know our patterns alter it and throw him off balance next morning dont ring him then he will think mmm she didnt call me this morning i wonder why then do it again let him wonder you deserve that .....GT

February 9, 2006
9:49 am
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Anonymous
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I just feel very frustrated. There is a part of me that wants to forget this ever happeneded and make up, then there is the part of me that thinks when does this kind of behavior end?

I got angry with myself last night because a friend asked me to go out and I said no because I didn't feel like fighting with him. I had plans tonight and I just made an excuse why I cant go. I just dont feel like dealing with it!

February 9, 2006
9:51 am
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butterflybaby
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Hi feelinglost,

Well don't be mad at yourself at all cuz we have all been there before and I have been there so many times I could scream. Just try to remember this the next time you get the urge to call him or see him. One thing I think I am going to try is to write down everything he has done to hurt me in the past and then when I feel the urge to talk to him or see him I will read my list first and hopefully it will remind me enough to delay me from calling him. Hopefully the delay will just last and last.

But don't be mad at yourself be mad at him for being disrespectful to you and not caring!!

February 9, 2006
11:03 am
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Thanks Butterfly, I will have to work on a list!

February 10, 2006
12:42 pm
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Update: Saw him last night. I will fill everyone in a little later. Happy Friday!

February 10, 2006
1:04 pm
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butterflybaby
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Yes please keep us posted. I hope you are doing great.

February 13, 2006
2:46 pm
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Anonymous
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Well here is the long and short of it. One minute he wants to see me, one minute he doesn't. We had plans this weekend he canceled.When I got upset he threw the whole supposed cheating thing in my face, told me to go see my other bf and said he needed a break. Then an hour later he acted like nothing happened.

On Sunday my mom wanted to make him a birthday dinner and cake. I aksed him what he wanted he said he didn't care and he hates when people make a big deal of birthdays. So Sunday we went to my parents and he was moody he told me he was still mad at me.

Later on I spent the night at his house we had sex and he said it doesn't change anything I am still mad at you. Like I thought having sex would make him feel better?!?!? I know better then that.

I asked him what he was thinking and he looked sort of teary eyed.He said he wasn't sure if I really loved him like I say I do....SIGHHHHHH

Hugs, Lost

February 13, 2006
3:51 pm
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changing my name to feeling frustrated!

February 13, 2006
4:12 pm
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butterflybaby
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Well it just sounds like he is playing games with you. One second he is throwing things in your face then the next he is having sex with you and then he is saying he doesn't know if you love him. From everything I have heard you haven't done anything to make him suspect that you don't love him. He seems like he is a very confused man and doesn't know what he wants therefore he puts it on you so then he doesn't have to deal with it.

Keep your head up. You have to figure out how much longer you want to go through this cycle with him?

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