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I did it!
December 4, 2001
1:16 pm
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silence
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After 3 months of talking to this girl before class about life, today was the last day of class. It had to be now or never. I knew it, I had to ask her out.

I followed some advice from a friend of mine and choked the chicken several times last night as well as right before I left for school. When I got there I was totally relaxed. My nerves were taking a snooze. Unfortunately she didn't show up until the very minute that the final exam started. I finished my test and waited outside for her.

She came out, we had some idle conversation about the test and why she was late for school. At that moment my nerves started coming back. Screw it, I played a song in my head to calm me down and I asked her if she wanted to go out with me.

She said "No."

December 4, 2001
1:21 pm
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artist
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But you did it--you can't control peoples reactions--as much as we all would like to--you took the shot--that's what's important. Good for you!!!

Artist:)

December 4, 2001
2:21 pm
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Molly
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Ya did it, and that is what counts, now ya just got to open up those eyes, and scout the next opportunity. Heck its this girls loss, and who knows she may see the light, you know what buggars men can be, ugh ugh I know your not one of them, but the guy she is with more than likely is. Opportunity is just the other side of flop, and heck with all that work you put out the last 24 hours, hmmmmmmmmmmm you might have looked tired. common, you just gotta laugh once and a while.

December 4, 2001
2:57 pm
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artist 2
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Well, aren't you the courageous one! You've done it! Now, think ahead to the next girl you can ask. It will be so much easer now, you're more confident. Congratulations!

December 4, 2001
3:27 pm
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silence
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Unfortunately there really is no next girl. This is the first girl in 8 years that I found myself really attracted to. Sure I see pretty girls all the time. But do you know how it feels when you meet someone that feels special in ways you can't really describe? I really like this girl. And now I'll probably never see her again (class schedules are miles apart from now on)

December 4, 2001
3:34 pm
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silence
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oops. Seems like I missed the main point again. What I was trying to say was that I haven't had a need to ask any girls out for a while because I didn't see the point in it. Why go out with some girl when I know that the relationship would never last? I don't like to invest in anything unless I'm sure it's going to turn out better in the future. And I'd feel like a royal shit if I was in a relationship where the girl loved me but I didn't give a squat about her. I don't want to be like that.

December 4, 2001
3:55 pm
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i liked a girl a lot and finally thought it was time to ask her out with me. it was a single line in an email "wanna go for a movie?"
she didnt even respond!
hope u feel better now, ur not alone šŸ™
(atleast u had guts to ask on her face)

now shes leaving and i'm thinking of talking to her ne last time and spill ut my beans and but i keep hesitating and hesitating. fear of rejection.
when rejection comes, it hits u hard

December 4, 2001
3:59 pm
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Molly
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That kind of thinking is why so many others end up on these threads after 6 months of dating, that feeling that you are talking about spells danger. Its a roller coaster ride. So much better to have a few cups of java with some one that doesn't hurt the eyes to look at , and get to know them, heck those feelings to get them to last have to be built, they grow, those warm fuzzy ones that are like shelter in the storm. Ask a few out just for practice. Make friends first!!!!!

December 4, 2001
4:11 pm
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artist 2
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Yeah, practice practice practice. The worse thing that could happen is that you can have a lot of friends. As far as her having feelings for you and you not.... be honest up front that you want friendship, don't allude to anything more or promise anything more. That always helps me with men. I have a lot of respect for men who can do that. Respect also spells a good foundation for lasting relationships - if you want to go there, it's a good start.

December 4, 2001
7:19 pm
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silence
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All I'm saying is that it's hard enough for me to get up from the tv to go online right now. I don't feel like jumping back on the saddle and riding blind right now. I still have 2 finals to take and I'm not even studying for them.

December 4, 2001
8:52 pm
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good point molly.. make friends first.
umm i dont know.. i feel i'm a boring companiion as a freind.
got to get rid of that low self-esteem again.
anyways šŸ™‚ i asked her out. shes going after 2 weeks, so i told her i'd like to see her before she goes. she said, fine.
i'm going to talk about everything, i hope. being around her leaevs my head in a dazy hyper state.

December 4, 2001
11:30 pm
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silence
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In any case I feel I need to be alone for a little bit. So I guess this is going to be my last post for a while. Maybe I'll come back after new years if I feel up to it.

December 5, 2001
1:33 pm
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Molly
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just picking an interesting subject, being able to discuss and artist, for the girl taking art classes, talking about your efforts to help the poor children and women in Afganistan is a really good magnet enroll a bunch of girls and take your pick, student activity on campus, girls always like guys with a soft heart, there are all kinds of topics that you could get into like growing orchids, get a book a plant, and tell her its sick and could she look at it ????

December 5, 2001
2:18 pm
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silence take your time. i understand again, you are getting uncomfortable when people start getting close to you or pay you attention.
is that the case?
thats the case with me atleast, but i'm trying to .. fight it back and accept the attention as valid.
instead, often, i get scared from attention and hide, and when they stop thinking about me, then i come back.

but take ur time.

December 5, 2001
2:25 pm
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hehe molly .. lets see what happens tonight. we meet at dinner. i think its going to be a disaster. i'm going to come back feeling even more depression. or maybe .. ?
whatver it is, i'll speak my mind. and i'll TRY to make conversation and give the soft image. i know i have good heart ..
its just that i get too desperate around a girl i like, i get carried away, and i become boring as well. so naturally she runs away.
i dont know, i'm confused. i'm still a virgin at 25 and sex with a nice girl is a dream for me.
do i sound desperate right now? heh, i guess i do.
i wonder if i should just go ahead and have sex for once .. to solve the mytery and throw away that roac bloack in my mind, which causes me to obsess about women.
i'm sorry if i sound disgusting, but i really am desperate. but atleast i'm honest! am i not

December 6, 2001
4:10 am
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i did it too.
and šŸ™ .. she said she was never interested in me than more than a friend.
i swear she was... in the beginning, but that is 1 year ago, and i ..
well.. thats it then.
she says she does have a male friend, who she can think of marrying, but for me, she cant think in any way, cause we are too different.
phew.. low selfesteem sucks, but hey, i've gotten better... lil better

December 6, 2001
4:13 am
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she said i underestimate myself (i told her to tell me my faults).
its just that.. i dont share with people and dont let them close.
and when she was trying to be my friend, i scared her away, complaing and telling her how little self-esteem i had

December 6, 2001
4:05 pm
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Cici
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guest_guest, you described my husband to a tee when you described yourself!!!

When I first started dating I always made it a point to just put myself out there on the line. My husband claims that this is because girls don't get rejected (har dee har har, fallacious, man). Hell, I got rejected right and left! BUT, here's a little thing I learned from statisics - the more often you ask girls out, the greater the chance that someone will agree!

And I don't agree with this idea that you only go out with a girl that makes you all fluttery inside or whatever. You fall in love with a *person* that you get to know over a long time of talking, long conversations, similar interests, similar goals - how are you supposed to know that from appearance, or from a handful of conversations???? And so what if it doesn't work out, you could make a really cool friend!

My tactic was always to "hang out" first. The first 3 months I saw my husband I wouldn't admit we were dating. I just said he was "this guy I like to hang out with". That kinda takes the pressure off. And going out on dates? BLAH BLAH BLAH. hate it. I hate dates.

So after I went out on one first date I refused to go on any more. I would just meet the guy when I was out, study together, meet for coffee, watch a video. None of this dinner and movie stuff.

BTW - whenever a guy asked me out for a movie I always said no. Reason: movies are terrible for first dates! You don't interact at all, just sit there and stare, and then afterwards you're like, wow I spent the last 2 hours with this person I don't know. This is weird.

I dunno, just hang out. Plan to meet at a friend's party. That's really how my husband caught me. He had a party at his house and kinda kept track of where I was throughout the night, and then when the party thinned we went downstairs and hung out just the two of us, playing cards and talking (and drinking beer, yes). It felt natural, like we just chose to hang out together rather than planning. I dunno, just a thought!

December 6, 2001
5:44 pm
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heh cic, that was enjoying to read.
well i dont know what to talk about! hmm i really need to learn how to talk, what to talk about. how can one talk for hours with anyone? about what.?
i can only talk about religion, and that too not for long.
i AM getting better at talking, but most of the times, still, my mind will be blank in conversations.
staring away from the person, and feeling awkward. hmmmmm.
i realld got to learn going to parties or social events and improving my interaction .. thats what i realy need.
ur right, me and the girl should be good freinds first, and then think of anything else.
but i wonder if it would still work out if we didnt have enough interactin. for me, its enough to know that the girl is a nice hearted person, thats all that i care about.
common interests.. thats possible, ummm

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