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I did it, I did it...I [email protected]@K
July 28, 2005
4:02 pm
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I'm so proud of my tiny small step I made that I wanted to share it with those of you who have given me the strength and courage to do this.
X2 IM'd me night before last, he was feeling sad and having a "pity party", Guess what? I refused to attend or participate in his moment. He was dropping hints about his bad day, he was lonely, he felt bad, etc..I just answered with "vanilla" answers and DIDN'T answer or acknowledge his questions about coming over and helping him get to sleep... He's about to file bankruptcy and I just kept the converstation on that matter since he needed some information from me that I had here at the house. I know it seems small but I felt SO good when he finally got off line that I didn't "cave" and allow old habits to come into play and do something I'd regret. Last night he called while I was on the phone with my cousin(who's going thru the exact same thing I am right now)and we were just talking and catching up on family and kid stuff when he beeped in. I answered and he wanted to be "chatty" I said "I'm on the phone with my cousin, and he said oh, is it K? I said yes, and he said that's why my ears were burning. I let total silence hang on the phone for about 10 seconds while I thought about what I wanted to say and then I said "don't see how, we're talking about our kids, not X husbands". He didn't know what to say to that and just said he wouldn't keep me and I said Ok, and click, hung up and called my cousin back. It's wonderful to feel somewhat in control again. Even if it's only temporary and not much, it's a start.
Sorry to have rattled on and on but I wanted to let everyone know how I'm doing.
Hugs to all,

July 28, 2005
4:06 pm
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CAMER
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way to go!!! keep holding onto your boundaries!!!

July 28, 2005
5:34 pm
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Anonymous
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This is big news...

His bad day and financial difficulty was the perfect time for your codependence to kick in. You didn't "help" him. You didn't let him use your goodness to his advantage.

Excellent Work my friend!!!

What is this thing you speak of, a "vanilla" answer?

Surely I can infer from the context, but I'd like to know exactly what this means.

July 28, 2005
7:08 pm
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My vanilla answer is "plain, simple, nothing that can be misconstrued in any way, just basically a generic but polite and meaningful answer to his questions." Did I explain that ok?

Its nothing with potential good or bad meaning to it..But it does answer his question just doesn't ADD anything to it, that he can either hurt me with or get angry over.

I think I'm digging in deeper here trying to explain it!!
Hope this helps!

July 28, 2005
11:28 pm
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exoticflower
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Gold, this is great, I'm sure you must feel amazing.

Thanks for the 'vanilla answer' thing, too, I'm having some trouble with my daughters grandmother, and that's exactly how I need to aproach it, thank you!!

July 29, 2005
11:00 am
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X just popped in yesterday and I was able to give the vanilla thing a try in person, thats the hard one to do!

He emailed me later and said I looked good with my tan(I got sunburned a few days ago) I haven't responded or plan to to that comment.
He kept looking at me when he came over and noticed how happy I seemed and I was in a very good mood because I had just gotten off the phone with an old boyfriend I hadn't heard from in years and it was a wonderful feeling to hear from him again...X doesn't know that though, he just saw me upbeat and happy. I think it drove him NUTS!! Good for me!

July 31, 2005
10:21 pm
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Ok, today the X2 noticed how much weight I've lost, it's been a slow process but I'm actually starting to see results...Why does he feel the need to tell me? Does the "other woman" know how he's talking and what he's saying to me and asking me to do? I would be not! boy talk about playing both ends against the middle. Thank goodness I learned about "freeze frame" and was able to step back and see that this isn't where our conversation needed to go!
I just said a simple thank you and I"ll be damned if the next words out of his mouth were about he and "other" possibly moving in together and getting the kids ready for school. Is the man confused or what? Damn I wish the attorney would hurry up and get this mess filed and over with!

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