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I did a bad thing.......
November 4, 2007
8:47 am
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Skigirl
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November 4, 2007
8:53 am
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Skigirl
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Sorry, hit enter instead of tab. I planned a slumber party for my 10 year old daughter last night for her birthday. After we sent out the invites, I realized I had already made a promise to my mother to go to a play with her. I told my daughter about it, and we had been putting off the party for so long, that I thought I could swing both. I have a 16 year old daughter that would be here to greet the kids as they came to the party, and I would get home shortly after. Well, that plan backfired and I feel so bad. Two of the kids parents wouldn't leave their daughters at my house without an adult. I guess I don't blame them. So, they took their kids back home. When I got home from the play, my daughter was very upset with me because I ruined her party. I am the kind of person that hates disappointing people. And I know that I am like that. That is why I do things like this to make everyone happy. Now I feel so guilty. I have had an upset stomach since last night and have been shaky. I was hoping that by sleeping those feelings would subside, but they haven't. Then to top it off, I lied to the parents of they kids that went home. I am such a bad person. How do I become better????

November 4, 2007
9:05 am
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jastypes
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First of all, you are not a bad person at all. You're human. You made a mistake. No one died. Make sure you get some perspective on this. I'm right there with you about hating to disappoint people, but sh** happens! I have learned that I can't make everyone happy -- especially in my house with 2 teenage girls and 2 boys who act like teenagers! Somebody's gonna get disappointed along the way. There is absolutely nothing you can do now to change what happened. It's done. You can apologize to your daughter and tell her that you should have checked your plans more carefully and not have scheduled two things for the same day. You can even offer to have another sleepover in the near future. You are obsessing about something you have no control over. I do the exact same thing, and it sucks!

November 4, 2007
9:10 am
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taj64
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You are not a bad person. I believe as parents guilt seems to be an overwhelming feeling that it is hard to shake it off, it takes time. You cannot help the way you feel. Let it subside and know you did the best you could at the time. You can please everyone all the time. Your daughter probably realizes that you tried and she reacted to it not working out. Now I would not have objected to a 16 year old to watch until you got home. We are talking 10 year olds here and not toddlers. There are always going to be parents that are not going to agree and really that is their problem and not yours. A responsible 16 year can handle a small group that is my thought. So a small lesson can be learned to not plan two things at once like this. Life is always going to present situations like this and no matter what things happen that you did not plan. Disappointments are a way of life, and you might feel bad at the moment, you will recover. Don't let it make you feel like a bad person, you know deep down you are not otherwise if you did not have sensitive feelings the way you do, then none of this would have mattered and now wouldnt that be sad to not feel at all as if you did not care. You do. This feeling will pass. And you will feel better if you talk better to yourself.

November 4, 2007
9:11 am
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taj64
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Sorry I mean you cannot please everyone all the time. There is no way you can please people all the time, who is perfect anyway?

November 4, 2007
9:52 am
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Skigirl
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I do feel a little better from reading these posts. I guess I need to remember that I am human and humans make mistakes. But i want to be perfect. I want to be the perfect mother, the perfect person. I don't want any chaos in my life. How do I get to the point where it is OK to make mistakes? It seems that I was a perfectionist for a very long time, then was not (well, I like to think I wasn't) for a while, but now it is creeping up on me again. I WANT TO BE PERFECT. What goes through ones head that lets them know it is OK to make mistakes?

November 4, 2007
10:07 am
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StronginHim77
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I think I would have explained to my mother that I had a conflict, due to her granddaughter's birthday and arranged for someone else to accompany your mother to the play.

At the very least, I would have left the play early.

Adults understand these things better than kids.

- Ma

November 5, 2007
10:41 am
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Solstice
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I keep trying to be the best step-dad. Wow talk about the impossible dream. My idea of what is best and his are certainly different even when I protest how much I care about him as to why he has to hear the you can't keep up the underage drinking speach. I'm sure you have been understanding toward her when she has made mistakes and she learned as well. I imagine we all will get more practice in this because we are not perfect and never will be. Sorry for the preposition at the end of the sentense.

November 6, 2007
8:00 am
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Robert123
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Skigirl,your comment,"I WANT TO BE PERFECT,is interesting.
The problem could be in defining 'perfection'.
You have a standard of perfection in mind that may be very difficult to live up to.
I wonder where you got your standard from? Parents? Society? Religion?
Who set the bar so high that any error is unacceptable?
I'm curious about how you feel when someone else makes a 'mistake'?

November 6, 2007
9:21 am
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Skigirl
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Not sure where my perception of perfection comes from. My mother was not perfect by far. She made a lot of mistakes when we were growing up. Maybe that is why I feel I need to be perfect. I don't want to follow in her footsteps. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother very much, and we have a good relationship, but when I was growing up, her kids were not her top priority. I always try to make my kids my top priority. When others make mistakes, I am the first one to say it is OK. People make mistakes. You learn from it and move on. Yet when I make one, I beat myself up over it (internally). I admit my mistakes, but feel guilty for a long time after. Coming to this site and venting has sure helped a lot. Maybe that is part of my problem. I don't have any close friends that I confide in and my boyfriend thinks he knows all the answers and makes me feel even worse. So, I hold a lot of my guilt inside. Sharing with people that have similar experiences has been nice.

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