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I definitely made a big mistake
April 7, 2007
4:38 am
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Antagonist
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Hey everyone,

Once again, out of my own stupidity, I ended up putting myself in a pretty depressing situation. If some are wondering about what has been going on with me and my relationship with my ex-girlfriend, you can always look up the thread "My ex-girlfriend will not leave me alone" and read about my dilemma. Cliff notes: she broke up with me, got with my bestfriend. I forgave her, got back together, we ended up breaking up in the end but yet she would call me trying to get me to have sex with her. So I broke off all contact.

Anyways, it's been a month and three days that I have broken off ALL contact with my ex-girlfriend. I have actually made a few good imporovements in my life in an attempt to move on. With those aside, I have also begun exercising hardcore trying to use that as an attempt to get myself out of depression.

Anyways, tonight after my midnight run (I know it's wierd but I like running late at night) I had this stupid idea of driving infront of my ex-girlfriend's house trying to see if she is home... Now before judging me, I had no bad intentions, I was just curious to see if she would be out late on a Friday night (assuming that she is probably on a date or something). Anyways, as I drove down her street I saw her with some guy against his car making out. Oh did I feel like crap. I wish I was more of a man and could control myself knowing that driving infront of her house is a stupid and idiotic idea. And could get me in big big trouble.

With that aside, I am the biggest loser alive. All my attempt on trying to make myself feel better by running every night just backfired on me. I felt like a totall idiot wasting my friday night going running to keep up with my schedule while the ex is out with new guys moving on with her life while I still obsess over her and still not getting over her. I guess my only chance on getting over her is to just find another girl. I thought if I just stay strong and get through these feelings over time without attempting to find another girl I could end up being stronger in the end, I mean I really don't think I have the mental mindset of even trying to go out on a date with another girl...now I am confused not knowing what the hell to do.

April 7, 2007
7:39 am
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taj64
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Ok I would not beat yourself up over this. It happened and there is nothing you can do about it. She has moved on, and so your next step is to accept this fact and then your next step is to realize any contact even if from a distance could hurt you and this incident proves it. You said you were doing better. This incident proves you are healing over the breakup but that you need to do better. Any contact is going to hurt you right now because it is too soon. Later down the road you could have contact again and you might accidently drive by and it will mean nothing.But that is not going to happen right now in your life. Don't date either until you are ready again. Chances are you will only be thinking about her, comparing and really your heart is not in it yet. Wait a little longer until you feel stronger. It may take awhile too. Right now should be about you and recovering from a devastating breakup that yes hurt you deeply more than realized. Usually the preson that did not want the break up hurts more. You will get over this. You have to repeat it and have faith in the process. Keep jogging but jog somewhere else, don't put yourself in a place to see this girl who hurt you. You did not intend on this to hurt you but it did. All you can do is keep moving forward and not backward.

April 7, 2007
7:49 am
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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Hi Antagonist,

Stop beating yourself up. I am in the middle of a break up so I certainly can understand how hard it is to let go of someone you truly loved. Yes, it was not the wisest thing to run past her home.But you did and you saw something you wish you hadn't. THere is no going back with that one. Well, maybe it was for the best, because now you can know for certain that she has moved on and that the relationshipis officially over. I understand the depression and the obsession and all that. It is so hard.

I do not agree that you should start dating just to get over your ex. That is so not the answer. She is still in your system so it would not be fair to your or to your date. Keep active and get involved with various activities. SOmeone from another site recommended "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing." by Susan Anderson. I have not read it, but I need to. I am in the same position as you. ANd if you read some of these threads you will quickly see that you are not alone.

So, my advice: stop beating yourself up and do something positive for yourself to get past these feelings of abandonment. And DO NOT date someone else until you are actually ready to do so. I understand your pain. I am going through it right now.

Good luck and good luck with your running. I admire that. Keep it up.

Yankee Fan

April 7, 2007
7:54 am
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sandpipper
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I agree with taj. I know how hard it is to maintain no contact. We play head games with ourselves and justify it when we break down and make some type of contact. Like taj said, it will only hurt you and prolong your healing. What's done is done. Try to forget it and focus on taking care of you.

April 7, 2007
9:15 am
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balancesekr
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September 27, 2010
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hi Antagonist,
You were curious, drove by and in the process hurt yourself. It is a form of self-torture a bit. I have been there myself, and still go there, too many times!

I think is a matter of realizing when something is gonna hurt, what the payoff will be, me feeling like crap! OK, I am not gonna do it.

I think its great you go running at night. You are doing things that make you happy, that feel right to you. That is the way to greatness right there.

It may take you some time to get over her. I know its so hard, nearly impossible to not think of what your ex is doing. At least you know it was a mistake and eventually you will make better decisions for yourself.

April 7, 2007
4:53 pm
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Antagonist
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Thanks for the input and advices everyone. Also, thanks for not judging me and saying hurtful things about how I drove infront of my ex-girlfriend's house. I did'nt want to come across as a stalker.

Anyways, I guess as taj64 mentioned, even in this bad situation I can learn from it by knowing that she has moved on and found someone else. There is no more room for me in her life and it's just time to completely move on.

I woke up this morning feeling like crap, remembering exactly what I saw last night. However, instead of getting angry, I just took a deep breath and said "good for her". I mean, she moved on and her life is going forward so good for her. Time for me to clean up my act and let it go. From now on I don't want to know what she is doing or how she is doing. She is a big girl, and as it looks she definitely knows what she is doing.

Please, as silly as this might sound, please keep me in your prayers or just wish me luck. I never knew loving someone and trying to move on from it can be so emotionally stressful.

April 7, 2007
5:02 pm
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atalose
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We all learn from our mistakes like everyone said don't beat yourself up over it.
Go for another run, keep focusing on moving forward, maybe this is what you needed to happen in order for you to continue moving forward.
Hang in there.....

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 7, 2007
9:31 pm
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Antagonist
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-atalose,

I'll try my best to stay on track and not lose my goal. It's just really hard remembering that this girl (my ex) used to be so innocent and sweet, a girl who was somewhat shy to even be in a bathing suit infront of me, now getting with different guys left and right.

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