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I CHICKENED OUT
February 15, 2006
11:07 pm
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Goodatcards
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I was going to my first Al-Anon meeting tonight at 8:30. Drove half an hour, got to the church and turned around and cried all the way home. I froze. I didn't even get out of the car. I don't know what is wrong with me.

February 15, 2006
11:20 pm
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on my way
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Change is scary. Facing problems, your past, and the hurt and the dysfunction is scary. Not knowing who or what is on the other side of the doors to that church can be scary. But these meetings will help you. And you will start at Step one and work your way up like baby steps...you will find that it is a VERY SAFE place and you will be glad that you did. So go nexdt time ok? But congrats on going as far as you did!!!

February 16, 2006
12:03 am
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Goodatcards
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You are very generous. I am disappointed in myself. I guess I don't like going anywhere alone to begin with. I will try again.
Thanks so much.

February 16, 2006
12:19 am
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turnabout
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You got in your car and drove there even though you were scared. That is a huge battel to win! Now you know you can get at least that far, don't you? So, next meeting, you know you can get at least that far again, and all it will take is one extra step that you haven't experienced yet.

I know it's easy to beat yourself about failing to get into the meeting, and you're naturally disappointed, but this effort has brought you so much closer to success than you were yesterday. And it will help you next time. 🙂

February 16, 2006
12:40 am
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Shaney
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The anticipation is a lot scarier than the meeting itself. Try not to get too worked up - at least you got as far as the door. Believe me, that won't be the last meeting you'll miss. It's a hard process, but you will be thankful once you get going. Try again and don't be disappointed in yourself if you chicken out the next time too. An attempt is better than none at all, and eventually you'll get there. No worries :o).

February 16, 2006
5:41 am
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Dillhol
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Trust me, I had a similar door I had to go through and had just as much inhibition as you do before I finally went through. However, once I went through it it was like passing through a mouse hole and coming out of a flood gate the relief was so great.

So what if your program is a 13-step program instead of 12. You made the first one getting to the church door and the rest lie on the other side.

You'll get there, it's a journey, not a destination.

February 16, 2006
6:22 am
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startingover
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I have been to two meetings, and they have helped me more than anything has with my most recent (and I hope FINAL) co-dependency crisis. I don't say anything, just sit there and cry. One day, I think I'll have a lot to offer, but right now it's a safe and comfortable place and something I must do for me. Try again.

February 16, 2006
2:53 pm
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kathygy
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goodatcards,

it sounds like you are being too hard on yourself. you did the best you could. driving there was a big step.

when I first started going to meeting I cried my eyes out because it bought up so much of my childhood pain that I had long supressed.

next time you could park your car and sit there without going in. Then the enxt time you could go into the church and look at the people without going into the meeting if you don't feel ready.

In other words, you can take baby steps and eventually you will be there.

February 16, 2006
4:48 pm
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butterflybaby
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Don't get down on yourself to much. Just keep trying. I was so scared my first meeting and it was such a relief after I went because it was alot easier to just sit there and listen then I thought it would be. I cried so hard the whole drive home and that entire night because I finally felt a little bit of relief just from the fact that I was taking some kind of action.

Just keep trying to go back again....I promise it won't be that bad...it will be the best thing you ever did!!

: )

February 16, 2006
5:28 pm
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hopeful for change
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When you make it inside the door, you will find you are not alone at all, these people will make you feel more at home than anyone has in your life. Because they have been in the exact situation. I can't even explain it. You don't even have to talk if you don't want to you can just say pass..or you don't want to share. You won't believe the support. When you hear others talk and it sounds just like your life, it kinda floors you.

I wouldn't be disappointed in myself that was a huge step..sometimes we have to take baby steps..change isn't the easiest thing to do. Hugs to you.

February 16, 2006
9:11 pm
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Goodatcards
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Thank you all. I appreciate your words of encouragement. I will try not to let myself down next Wednesday.
The panic I felt was overwhelming.
I am very grateful.

February 16, 2006
10:20 pm
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nice guy
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I have to say that I have a lot of respect for you to try. I am in a similar situation but I haven't taken the first step yet so you are making a really good step. I am proud of you and I hope that I can find a good group myself.
Nice Guy

February 16, 2006
11:27 pm
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Goodatcards
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Thank you, Nice Guy!

I just called Al-Anon and they gave me several meetings to select from. I hope to do better next week.

February 17, 2006
7:46 am
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LostLilly
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GoodatCards -

I just started Alanon the first week in January. It is the safest room I have ever been in. Wisdom abounds from the "veterans" and everyone there is genuinely seeking to heal and grow into health and wholeness. I wish you strength and courage and will pray for you!

Lilly

February 17, 2006
10:57 pm
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Goodatcards
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Thank you, Lilly. I appreciate the encouragement and prayers. 🙂

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