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I caught him cheating lastnight
July 5, 2006
2:52 pm
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starlett
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My boyfriend of 5 months cheated on me lastnight and I caught him! We were suppose to go out lastnight and he was to call me when he got home. I decided to leave my house earlier and just meet him at his house when I saw this girl come out of his house. I then called him and and he answered finally as he wasn't answering his phone the hour prior. I just thought he hadn't made it home yet. He lied and said he just got home. I told him all I witnessed and he tried to make me think I was seeing things and spying on him. Then he came clean and said it was just a friend that he had over but nothing happened. I demanded that he let me call this girl to confirm which he did and she told me that he said he didn't have a girlfriend and they had sex. I broke down and cried he tried to hold me but I punched and slapped him, I was so grossed out! He said he didn't know why he did it and all his love is with me. I left after I finally convinced him that I needed time alone to think. He thought it would be best I wasn't alone. ( like I wanted to look at his ass)!! We are suppose to go out of the country next week! I love him but how can I get past this in a week? Or atleast bare to vacation with him. I just want to call him and yell at him but I have restrained myself until I know what I want. Help me ....please

July 5, 2006
3:08 pm
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Shaney
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OH Starlett!

Listen to me and know that if you stay with him... this will set a precidence for the rest of your relationship. I'm not saying that "once a cheater always a cheater" I'm just saying that if you give in to him and overlook this "mistake" of his, you will be teaching him that it's okay to lie and cheat, and that there are no serious consequences other than some yelling with an occasional punch.

Every lie and every infidelity will chip away at your self-respect and self confidence, until finally you won't recognize yourself. Then you'll hate yourself for not having left the first time.

Think about it. He loves you, but wouldn't answer his phone while he was with this other girl. Then he lied to you several times while trying to accuse you of spying on him. The only reason he told you the truth was because you found it out from the girl herself. If she hadn't told you, would he still be sneaking around with her while lying to you? That's not love, starlett - it's self-serving deception, plain and simple.

There are plenty of guys out there that believe that cheating is wrong - I wouldn't settle for any less.

July 5, 2006
3:11 pm
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reachingout
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Also keep in mind if unpretected he is also putting your life in danger sorry that's not love even risking a small std isnt't showing any concern for you Take care of yourself

July 5, 2006
3:38 pm
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Anonymous
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I wish I could say that it would get better.

but my experience was that it didn't.

we did therapy, I gave him everything and did all I could to make the relationship work.

and he cheated again....after telling me he had put a ring on layaway....after I gave him money to put down on a truck....

he said they were only friends.
he was out with her and wouldn't return my calls or answer the phone.
he only told me cuz I busted him.

and now he is in a "new relationship" with her - despite telling me that they were only friends and wouldn't be going into a relationship.

don't set yourself up for more pain....run for the hills.

July 5, 2006
3:49 pm
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Honolulugal
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Starlett,

Geez, that is seriously bad news. I hate to be the one to say this, but are you sure that's the first time he's cheated? Sounds like he has a high opinion of himself. He said he didn't have a girlfriend? Why don't you invite him to take up with this other female? I wouldn't go around the block with him, much less out of the country!

He "didn't know why he did it"? Uh, huh, O.K.

RUNNNNNN!!!!!!

H-gal

July 5, 2006
4:39 pm
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CAMER
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if he can't be trusted, and its only 5 mos, it just shows alot of his character.

Don't go on vacation with him, you deserve better, he is a cheat and a liar, and you deserve better than that.

Its best to end the relationship now, b4 your heart gets invested more. Or you can take him back, but the trust has to be earned, and can you actually trust him from now on.

(((I wish you strength and lotsa support))))

July 5, 2006
4:41 pm
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chinita
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Sorry to hear that. Oh Starlett you have to go. The line has been broken. You can forgive but you will never forget. Your relationship will Never be the same. The trust it's gone it's really hard to gain that back. From my experience they can never get the trust back after they've cheated. It really sucks and my thoughts are with u. Stay Strong. Oh and about the trip forget it, I wouldn't go. Take Care

July 5, 2006
8:46 pm
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shyshy
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Starlett: Save yourself the agravation now and run for the hills like Alicat said!

It just goes to show where his intentions are. Believe me, if the shoe were on the other foot, he wouldn't think twice about leaving you.

July 5, 2006
9:03 pm
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loverbee
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I agree, you really are lucky you found out at such a young stage in the relationship and not after you had married or something. It is so heartbreaking though I know. I was cheated on by my ex with 9 other girls. We all ended up meeting up by accident and I think the worst part was that I felt like a fool. So the first thing is DON"T. You are not a fool for loving him and it isn't your fault but it is your responsibility to protect yourself and leave now. It might be something reassuring if he had come clean but it took prying to get it out of him. That isn't love that is just plain dumb. So be proud that you confronted him. That shows how wonderfully strong you are and that you can get over this. I am so sorry for the heartbreak though. We are all here for you.

July 6, 2006
3:41 am
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bonita1
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Don't go on vacation with him, hon. You will be setting yourself up for a miserable time...

"Tis better to have loved and lost than to be stuck with a lying, cheating bastard for the rest of your miserable existence...."

(something I saw on a plaque)

~~bonita

July 6, 2006
7:01 am
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Jerzy
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Run run run run run. Do not give this person anymore of your time. I am currently spending hours of my time with a therapist trying to figure out why I stay in relationships that any normal person with self esteem would have ended long ago. I am 40 now and all chances of having a family (children) are pretty much gone because I wasted WASTED 6 years of my life with a man who lied lied lied and betrayed me over and over again.

Do not soothe your pain now by staying with him because you will feel this pain again if you do. Trust me, looking back on 5 months of the good times will not be as painful as looking back on years of the good times after betrayal after betrayal.

Take it easy. As far as going out of the country, you can change your ticket for 50 bucks anytime within the year. It'd be worth it to not go with him.

July 6, 2006
7:33 am
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nutrition
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I feel your pain and as a codependent I try to minimize pain. I am married with 3 kids so I look at your situation and say leave him now! If you knew mine you would say that to me! We will eventually be in so much pain that we will go when we are ready. I am seeing how serious my sick relationship is and I have to get away soon before it kills me one way or another. People do what they are allowed to do and if you take him back he will continue. Until we are better, we are attracted to getting hurt by people and they will oblige!

July 6, 2006
7:57 am
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revelation
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Starlett, I'm sure in his own way, this guy loves you...but my suspicion is that he doesn't love you as much as you'd like. Certainly we all want true love...well that isn't what you have here. If he loved you and cared for you, then he wouldn'nt have done this. Simple as that. He can tell you he loves you til he is blue in the face...but actions speak louder than words. The very fact that he tried to cover his ass instead of coming clean also speaks volumes for the type of guy he is, manipulative and controlling...if he gets away with this he'll think to himself "Phew, that was close, must be more careful next time" and believe me Starlett, you can take this to the bank If you stay with him HE WILL cheat again. Dump his ass, at least for the time being until you know what you want out of life...you need some time to yourself to figure out your bounderies and then decide whether you are willing to stay with someone who crosses those bounderies without any care or consideration for you.

Take care,
Rev.

July 6, 2006
8:44 am
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Notsure
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I understand cheating though I don't condone it. My take here is that if he is cheating at the 5 month mark that it is a REAL indication to you of what the future holds.

He not only lied and cheated on you, he lied to the other girl (by telling her that he didn't have a girlfriend) and then he tried to bluff you when you phoned her. Many women would have held off at that point and there was also a chance that she could have lied to you and say nothing happened.

GOd was with you on this one.

Consider yourself lucky that it happened now rather than later when who knows where the two of you might have been.(kids, jobs, living together,yada yada) and how many times it might have happened by the time you would have caught him.

Yes you are very lucky. You can get out now and I sure would. Regards. Notsure

July 6, 2006
10:46 am
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starlett
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Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I spoke with him lastnight. He said I am the best thing that ever happened to him and he is sorry that it took this for him to realise it. He said he wants us to go to church every sunday together and he will prove to me that it will never happen again. After a long discussion I said we would take it VERY slow and see. I decided that I am going on this vacation. I am not letting him take that away from me as well. I have never been on a vacation and I have been looking forward to this trip for months. I am going to go and and I know he will be on his best behavior there. Once we get back will be the real test. He's 21 so maybe he could change.

July 6, 2006
11:10 am
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smarterone
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Okay, do what you have to do. Just have a good time on your own. Make sure you always have money on you in case he splits. I know that sounds strange but experieince helps. Make sure you have a good time. Let him spend his money. I know you dont want to give up so easily just be careful ok.

July 6, 2006
11:14 am
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revelation
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OK sweetie, have a good time...relax. And don't be afraid to come back here if it doesn't work out.

July 6, 2006
7:49 pm
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Majiklee
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oh dear girl... you think he could change. I've been in your shoes. 7 years in a bad relationship is taking me another 15 years to get over. It took me having a baby to stop and ask myself what in the hell I was doing. At that very moment, I turned and walked away and have never looked back. Unfortunately, I'm stuck with that A-hole for the rest of my life because we have a daughter. My daughter tells me that he fights with his current live-in, calls her names and is ugly to her. I thank God every day that I am not with him anymore.

I stayed with him for so many years because it was all I knew. My mother was abusive and controlling and so our relationship felt "normal" to me. ITS NOT NORMAL. You should have love and respect and be considerate of the person you love. Treat them like they are made of glass. My current relationship is so wonderful and healthy. We've been together a year and I still get butterflies when I hear him pull into the driveway.

good luck.

September 8, 2015
3:42 pm
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krissypants
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starlett said

My boyfriend of 5 months cheated on me lastnight and I caught him! We were suppose to go out lastnight and he was to call me when he got home. I decided to leave my house earlier and just meet him at his house when I saw this girl come out of his house. I then called him and and he answered finally as he wasn't answering his phone the hour prior. I just thought he hadn't made it home yet. He lied and said he just got home. I told him all I witnessed and he tried to make me think I was seeing things and spying on him. Then he came clean and said it was just a friend that he had over but nothing happened. I demanded that he let me call this girl to confirm which he did and she told me that he said he didn't have a girlfriend and they had sex. I broke down and cried he tried to hold me but I punched and slapped him, I was so grossed out! He said he didn't know why he did it and all his love is with me. I left after I finally convinced him that I needed time alone to think. He thought it would be best I wasn't alone. ( like I wanted to look at his ass)!! We are suppose to go out of the country next week! I love him but how can I get past this in a week? Or atleast bare to vacation with him. I just want to call him and yell at him but I have restrained myself until I know what I want. Help me ....please

It might sound like a great solution, but you deserve the truth and should not be putting years in the garbage can on a cheater. Use something, or some spy stuff that does not require access, remotekeyloggers.net has a good one that works with android and PC; and I'm sure there are others. I know that will offend some people but so what, they aren't ever going to confess until they get caught and then they are going to become the victim.

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