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I cant take anymore
July 6, 2009
11:45 pm
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ChellBell
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September 30, 2010
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My soon to be ex husband is now dateing his 19yr old second cousin. They are actually living together. Just found out today. I am in shock i guess. I knew there would be a woman soon, but a cousin!?!?!?!? I dont understand. She was supposed to be my friend. I cried on her shoulder. She knows that I love him no matter what has happened. How could she do this to me, much less him. I feel so alone and I feel like I cant trust anyone anymore. Help me please how do i deal with this new found situation.

July 7, 2009
7:03 am
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lucyndesi
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Dear chellbell,

I have been in your shoes that's why I'm up soooo late.I Just had a nightmare & it woke me up w/my heart pounding. My EX boyfriend(2 months ago we broke up FINALlY) slept & had a relationship w/my 2 BEST FRIENDS. So the 3 people CLOSEST to me betrayed me!!!!! I feel the same way you do shocked that it even happened!! My story get's even uglier but, what I can tell you is that my life now is more peaceful w/out them in it..Do I miss them..yes, the good times but, it came with to high of a pricetag...I guess what hurt the most is like you that I trusted them the most cryed on their shoulders & look where it got me..But, I don't look at like that now....
It is their loss to severe a 25 year & 13 year relationship over a man..They made conscious decisions & they have to live with that not us...
So they have lost me & it is their loss.Time will give you peace but, it is like a death...So mourn it but, don't let it destroy you...You will make new friends as I have. And with that loss will come insight you Can't believe..You will be all the wiser for but, my heart goes out to you for what you have endured.." our greatest Glory is not never falling but, rising every time we fall" Confuscious..Wishing lots of strentgh & peace ...Just Lucy

July 7, 2009
7:12 am
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It No Longer Matters
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It hurts to be betrayed. Hugs to you.

Bitsy

July 7, 2009
9:21 am
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atalose
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Ya betrayal stinks and it hurts. It’s kind of a wake up call that we need healthier people in our lives. I have found that the only way to welcome healthy people into our lives is to become healthy enough to know the difference.

ChellBell…..I think the best way to handle this situation is to totally remove these toxic people from your life. Take this opportunity to understand yourself and reflect on ways you have approached life that may no longer work today for you. If you feel you don’t have anyone right now to trust then come here, come here as often as you need to. Talk this all out and learn from others who’ve traveled down this same path and survived it.

lucyndesi….I just wanted to say that I think you have a great attitude and outlook despite the hurt caused by those you trusted. I do believe we need to hold onto that peace once they are gone and realize that we’ve cleansed our lives in so many ways.

When I was married my best friend and her husband would constantly tell me I needed to do something about my husband and his lack of involvement with our kids. She would tell me that I needed to tell him not to work so much, not to act so moody and to stop being so controlling. So when I finally did leave, guess what, he became their best friend and I was more or less kicked to the curb. My ex could not accept or relinquish control over my leaving and to deflect away from himself and his short comings told them I was cheating on him and that was why I was leaving. She gossiped about me to know end then would smile to my face and ask how I was doing. Of course I cut all ties and held my tongue but even today when I see her it still stings a bit but I am so great full that this toxic person is no longer in my life.

Hang in there girls it will get easier………

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

July 7, 2009
11:49 pm
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ChellBell
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Thank you girls so much. Lucy I think your advice is wonderful and I am so sorry you are going thru what you are. I cut the cord so to speak with both of them today. I will no longer have any contact with her and if it isnt about the kids I refuse to speak to him. I hope this works for me. I agree with u atalose I have to get these toxic people out of my life. Unfortunately I cant get rid of him completely because we have 3 kids together but I can limit any conversation with him to them and only them. I need space anyway so I can really start to heal and get over him. I feel so stupid that I still love him. I wish there was a switch where you could just shut it off. I realize that I need to learn to love myself and stop worrying about what he's doing. It's just so hard. You all give me inspiration though. I see the things you have gone thru and you are still alive and kickin and even able to reach out to those of us that are just starting down the path. I commend u all on that. I hope one day I am strong enough to do the same for someone else that u all have done for me. Just having an ear that isnt judging helps more than I could ever say. I am going to just start taking it one day at a time and see what happens. I know I deserve better than him...most days anyhow. I am working on it. I owe it to my children to. I have to get better because he's not so I am all my children really have. I have to heal for myself and my children. It's just so hard to not talk to him, we were married 7 years almost. But talking to him is not productive, it always ends with me feeling crappy about myself and hurting something awful. Its gotta stop.

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