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I can't let go
November 7, 2001
7:10 pm
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charisma
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Hello everyone, this is my first time posting a message, I kinda stumbbled on to this site by accident, but Lord knows I need it. My boyfriend of three years broke up with me about 7 months ago, and I can't let him go. While we were together we did everything together. Took all thesame classes in school. Where ever I was there he was. Our parents are good friends, and we even talked about marriage (alot). The first time I met him I told my cousin "there goes my husband" and he told me he told his brother that he met his wife that same day, we never told each other this until later on though. We've had sexual relations even after the break up, and we are still very attached to each other. You are probably wondering why we broke up... well it's like this. There are times I get very emotional, and everything he does and doesn't do gets to me, I start complaining that he is not paying enough attention to me or that he is not calling me enough, I think I made him feel inadequate, you know not meeting my needs. He said he could mot deal with it anymore. But I can't live without him, I think about him everyday even though we are not together. The thought of him with another woman can drive me insane. I am way too dependent on him, it's like I look to him for happiness, and when he doesn't deliver I get angry and depressed and I feel like he doesn't care about me. Ther is even a bigger problem, I've been seeing other guys trying to get my mind off him, and I find myself being too permiscuous with these guys, I know I don't love them, and they don't love me either but just for that moment I can make believe, I feel so awful afterwards. I am just totally lost I don't know where to start.

November 8, 2001
1:38 am
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Shelly26
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i've been there too,in fact i'm there right now. i posted in here also about not being able to get over my ex. we broke up 11 months ago,but stayed in contact (living together for a while,working together,hanging out,having some sexual relations,and even dating again for a few months),but,that ended for good a month ago when he found someone he'd rather be with. I feel,too,like my happiness is dependent on how things are going with him,whether or not he wants me or is getting along with me. i know how you feel thinking about him with other women,it kills me too when i hear him talking about her. i am near tears all night at work being by him. i dont know if what they say is true about time healing all wounds,because it only seems to get worse,not better. and you are right,other guys do not help heal the pain,they only make you compare them to your ex. i'm starting to beleive that the only real way to get over someone and move on is to completely cut all ties with them,have no contact at all,until you no longer wake up and feel depressed about it,and can think about him without crying. once that happens,i think you will be ready to date again. but getting involved with other guys this soon is not good,it might be a temporary fix though. good luck to you and know that there are other people out there going through the same thing!

November 8, 2001
11:32 am
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artist
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I can feel the pain in charisma's letter as if it were my own--I was there 30+ years ago and to be in that place emotionally HURTS SO BAD!!!

Please, sweetie, follow Blondie's advice--hook up with therapy--I wish I had--if I had I wouldn't be having problems today in my relationship.

You need to start "tending your own garden" and standing on your own--counseling will help you do this.
You CAN live without him. You will be sad for awhile but that's OK. Don't be afraid to be sad. It's natural.
Hang in, you aren't alone.

Artist

November 8, 2001
12:44 pm
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Molly
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Just have to look at this like a death, and you must mourn, go through the stages, and then the sun shines again. Only time .

November 8, 2001
4:47 pm
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kateSF
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September 24, 2010
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Wow, charisma, your post really got to me. I think I am the same way you are. I am new to this board and just started posting today, and it is such a relief to see I am not alone. I have been with my boyfriend for about 2 years and even moved cross country to be with him. I thought he was "the one". I have the same emotional issues that you had mentioned...
"There are times I get very emotional, and everything he does and doesn't do gets to me, I start complaining that he is not paying enough attention to me or that he is not calling me enough, I think I made him feel inadequate, you know not meeting my needs. He said he could mot deal with it anymore."
I don't think I was always like that. He has emotional issues (very different from mine) but I think in a way my behaivor mirrors his. He plays mind games with me, but not to hurt me, just because that is the way he is. He is also a lot more independent from me and sometimes he sounds like he doesn't need me at all in his life. We love each other, but I feel that he doesn't pay enough attention to me because he is frequently distant. I think it is more because I am too dependent on him and I look to him for all of my happiness which Iam learning is wrong. We thought in the beginning we were perfect for each other, but lately have been drifting apart, and I'm afraid that he will break up with me because he won't be able to deal with my behaivor anymore, or that I may break up with him because I cannot deal with being hurt. I'm not all wrong and neither is he, but somewhere it is not worknig and it is causing me to cling to him even more. I am trying to detach myself, but feel "cold" like I have lost touch with the world. I too know that if we break up it will be an emotional injury that I will have for the rest of my life and I am afraid of that. I also see myself going otu and being premiscuous with other guys (although I have never done so before) because I understand how it appears to ease the pain. I can't leave and I can't stay with him. I don't know how to work through this. I am trying to save my relationship, but don't know if it is just because I am afraid to let go of unrealistic dreams, or if I let go, if I will be loosing real dreams that only didn't come true because it took me too long to find myself and I will forever regret that. I don't know what to do. Sometimes I think I cannot find anyone more perfect for me than he is, and sometimes I think I cannot find anyone more different and wrong for me. I am trying to write things down on paper to make sense of how I feel, but it is not helping. I feel so lost and confused.

November 8, 2001
4:57 pm
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kateSF
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I also just want to say "thank you" to the bored. I finally feel like I found a place where I will be understood. I've tried posting on other message boards, but people were harsh with criticizing me for being coodependent and for "needing" him so much. I am REALLY trying to improve and get better. I'm glad I found people who understand how hard coodependency is to deal with. I feel better just knowing that all of you are out there, so "thank you" from the bottom of my heart.

November 8, 2001
4:59 pm
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Molly
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ugh Blondie, Since I am truly agitated right this second due to the stream of phone calls and knocks on the doors for all of the non-profits, that continue to call because we do give ,what do you think about forming the Blondie/Molly ain't rich, no insurance money foundation. Dedicated to the improvement of our selves, and environment,committed to making our every dream come true, and with what is left we promise to share,with those ascertive enough to ask? I can't believe with all the tax dollars that are given to the DARE program, which I have some issues with, they are going door to door ?

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