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I Can't Let Go
January 18, 2016
4:33 pm
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
January 18, 2016
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I've read many threads. I've read many articles. Seen tons of advice. But none create a sense of relief within me and actually "help" me.
I know that my situation isn't new, but it feels different than all the other general pieces of advice I've seen.
So, here's my story. He and I have been together for 3 years. This May will make 4. But truthfully, I've not been happy with him for 2 years. I've tried the 30 day no contact rule and failed miserably. There's always one more thing I feel I need to say. One more point I need to make.
I've tried suggesting we work on things together since neither of us are faultless. But somehow, we end up right back here. Unhappy. When he hurts, I hurt. When he's unhappy, I'm unhappy. It's as if we're connected somehow because I can feel what he feels. I've never had that connection with anyone before. Where our energies become one. I can't see a life without him, as unhappy as I may be.
I tell myself everyday that I can get through this. But the moment my phone rings, I can't NOT answer. There's this hope that he'll possibly say or do something different. I don't want to feel like I'm making a mistake by giving up on this relationship, but it has literally exhausted me. How he swears he's listening to me but his responses show otherwise. How he constantly tells me he feels unappreciated but I bend over backward to do what I can for him. How he tells me he isn't selfish but has no problem ignoring me for days to take some time to himSELF. Nothing I say or do will change our interactions with one another but I just cannot successfully let go. I always end up answering the call. The text. And if I don't I feel guilty because I know it angers him. There's so much advice, but the feelings I have for him will not let me sever ties with him and I don't know what to do.
Some say to socialize. But I have no friends locally. I'm left alone day after day with my thoughts and missing him. I want out of this feeling and out of this toxic relationship, but I cannot see a way out. Someone, anyone, give me something.

February 26, 2016
3:09 pm
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
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I have read your post several times now. I really feel the intensity of your pain with your partner/relationship. I have been through a similar kind of attachment and it took forever to actually let it go. Deep down I think you see that there is something toxic and unhealthy for you in this union, but it's like some magical drug when you are together right? Everything is great and then he somehow turns on you correct? The only way out of this is to forget about reaching out ever again. When you get the urge to tell him something more, you must write it down, read it and then throw it away. If it is him that initiates contact, you might want to consider changing your phone number. I honestly had to go to those lengths. It's o.k. to remember the good times and it's o.k. to even admit that you loved him, but if you continue, I promise this will not get better. About going back out there, well if you have a set of good friends that are not his friends also, they might be a good outlet for the time being. Give yourself time to get past the trauma of this relationship as it is a very intense one. I know you might not take my advice today or even next year because you are smitten by this guy and on some level you need this to be right, and I truly wish it could work out for you, but if it does not and since I hear that you really have been trying, do not feel bad about yourself. If you can be super strong and not give in, in time you might start to be able to be o,k. without him. I understand your pain and I wish you all the best. I do not know how old you are, but if you are still young, please try to remember that it's o.k. to detach from this guy and still care for him and see that down the road, there will be another guy that you are better suited to. You do not want to be abandoned and you do not want to abandon him. I get it. Read about adult separation anxiety, it's a real thing and you might have it. I know I do.

March 28, 2016
10:54 am
Forum Posts: 300
Member Since:
February 14, 2015
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

You can let go because you choose not to. If you don't let go of him he will let go of you. Folks with no identity of their own get enmeshed with people so they don't have to do the work to take the responsibility to be their own person.

You can say anything about me, but I am who I am & that’s something you could never be.
My name is what hoes tend to mention, keep talking bitches, I love the attention. →

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