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I can't get over him!!!
July 17, 2000
10:52 pm
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Mileah
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About four years ago I had just broken up with a boyfriend and was asked out by this guy who I had always been attracted to. He was a regular customer at the coffee shop that I worked at at the time and had dated a co-worker of mine a couple of years before. He was the type of guy who made my heart race. I just found him intoxicatingly beautiful and was thrilled when he asked me out. Although I felt this way, I went into the date expecting nothing to come out of it and was surprised to find that we were 'clicking' like I had never clicked with anyone before. I found this amazingly handsome guy to be an intelligent, sensitive and wonderful person as well.
Before I knew it we had dated a few times and were intimate within the first month of seeing each other. I was just enthralled by him. We could just sit for hours and talk, stare at each other in silence, and go out on the town and party as well.
I felt as though I was at the beginning of a new and wonderful relationship when his past began to catch up with him and he was forced to break up with me. A former girlfriend of nearly a year whom he had impregnated and whom had had an abortion against his wishes was the past that he was still trying to deal with which I had to accept and understand.
We didn't speak for over five months and I moved on to another boyfriend until he called me one day wanting to see me and I obliged. We got back together a week later and tried things again. Being that this was a long distance thing (2 hour drive) it was difficult but in my naivety and wishful thinking I thought that 5 months was long enough to be ready to move on but I was wrong. Within a couple months of this chance he was avoiding calls, and generally being a jerk.
We kept in touch and when I got involved with my present boyfriend of nearly three years he was happy for me. I saw him struggle with a lot of baggage including the loss of his unborn child, a brutal attack at the age of 13 which involved sodomy in the woods of a local park and subsequent 5 year long drug addiction. When I met him he was three years clean but the emotional scars were still extremely deep.
About a year after we last dated, we started communicating by phone more frequently. We talked regularily once or twice a week for nearly three months. My relationship with my boyfriend was slipping and I wanted more than anything to be with him. I knew that out of all the women that had come and gone from his life i was special to him. He expressed a great deal of regret for not being in the state of mind to have a meaningful relationship with me. He expressed that I had been the one good thing in his life that he had turned away.
The last time I talked to him was over two years ago. We stopped speaking when he started to want to spend time together and see each other in person again. He wasn't looking to have an affair or steal me away from my present boyfriend but, because I still had feelings for him after all that time I knew that it was impossible. I knew that I would always feel like I was cheating on my boyfriend even though technically I wasn't. I almost went through with going to see him the one night but didn't out of respect for my boyfriend. I knew that nothing would have happened physically but, emotionally there would have been a serious connection and I couldn't face that and get hurt again.
Well, he didn't understand my point of view the way that I would have liked and that was the last time I talked to him. After two years of not being in contact, I still think about him everyday despite my boyfriend. I wonder if maybe he was the only man that I have ever really loved. I feel that maybe it is time for me to seek counselling to resolve these issues. I feel that possibly my disillusion with my present relationship may be accentuating my feelings for this man and this time of my life. i am continuously confused about this situation and need guidance. Any suggestions? Sorry this has been so long. Thanks for letting me tell my story and vent!!

July 22, 2000
2:04 pm
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Elissa
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I hear a lot of frustration in what you're writting. I think you're doing a good job of "figuring" things out for yourself. I think how you're feeling is normal. Perhaps it's that you and this guy never had realy closure that makes it so hard to forget him. Sounds like you were there for this person to help him cope with his issues. It's ok to be confused.

Hope you figure things out,

Elissa

July 22, 2000
3:07 pm
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janes
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September 24, 2010
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Ahhhhh...the no closure thing....tough.

I think your idea of seeking counseling is great. Not just to deal with this "love of your life" thing but to just bounce your great ideas off someone who is not involved witht the whole situation.

There can be those long term feelings for someone who has been "important" and "that you "clikced with" Isn't it so surprising that the feelings remain. I admire your respect of your current boyfirend tho'. It shows the strength you have as well as the moral and ethical character that you have...GOOD JOB.

If you are frustrated with your current relationship that could also be a focus for seeing a couneslor.

The special person from your past may remain just that...a special person from your past...especially if he has not totally worked out the issues you spoke of....sometimes those "light of our lives" people are the ones who are truly unattainable and we wish they were able to reach so they stay special

Good luck but you sound as if you have it together...except that it gets frustrating...

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