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i can't get away from this......or him.
March 18, 2006
4:41 pm
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erin2688
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September 24, 2010
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Last September I started seeing this guy who turned out to be everything I could ever want. If our relationship wasn't perfect at first then it was as close as it gets. After a few months we both started to get really protective of eachother. It's like we were both so attached to eachother but it made us feel safe. We knew how in love we were and we knew we weren't gonna let anything break us apart. I guess we were both being a little naive and not being very realistic but we honestly thought we'd end up getting married. He was diagnosed with bipolar and everything kind of went downhill from there. He started blaming everything on his bipolar. He would say these hurtful things to me without really thinking and I ALWAYS just let it go because no matter what, I did not want to lose him. I tried to help him when he was upset, I pretty much stopped hanging out with my friends just to make sure everything was always okay with my boyfriend. It's like I knew I was becoming dependent of him but I didn't care. We were still insanely in love but something wasn't right anymore. I was always trying to fix things and I was constantly watching what I said or did just because I didn't want to make him mad. Eventually he broke up with me because he said I was too needy but it blows my mind because he was EXACTLY the same way. After a month of us being broken up he still wants to be protective of me and know what I'm doing pretty much at all times and I know he has no right anymore but I still let him have this power over me that I can't even explain. We also still have a sexual relationship and I know that I might be getting used but at the same time he still tells me he loves me and makes me feel like he still wants me. Even when we're not together, we ARE together, if that makes any sense. I'm constantly waiting around for him to call me, I just feel so much anxiety---and even after he does call me, I still have the same horrible feeling in my stomach. It's like my whole life is slowly revovling around this one person and I'm still trying to make sure he's happy without ever really focusing on myself. I want him back, and I still love him, but I don't know if this is ever going to go anywhere. I feel stuck, but at the same time I know it's my fault. I feel like he's being a hypocrite because I think he's just as co-dependent as me. I can't stop thinking about him, what we were, and how this is affecting me. I am still so in love with him and it's killing me not being with him. I don't know what to do. I've acknowledged that I'm very co-dependent but I don't know where to go from there. I can't let him go.....

March 18, 2006
7:52 pm
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caliseth
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September 27, 2010
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hi
i think that the problem with some of us, woman is that when we meet someone we are much more honest and giving than man. everything is perfect at the begunning, but then is when things got to go down. but our mind is still attached to the first impression, the nicest times. and from then, we hold on to it and even if the relation comes to get from bad to worse, we subconciously think that from one moment to another things will go back as they were at first.
you have to see present time. don't think as how you were so happy, how wonderful he was. look at how he is. i am sure you love him, but doesn't he act like a very selfish person? if he is diagnosted as bipolar, i can understand how he must feel, but not how he reacts to you.
my advice is that if you really love him, you be his friend. this is difficult, but you need to specify this to him, so he does not be so overprotective to you, because sounds like he is just cheking you don't see other people, or have your own life. be there and help him in his illness,but only if you see he really wants to get some help. if not, for your sake, leave this relation, because you have to fucus in your own problem, co-dependency.to recover means givng up on what we are codependants. if he treats himself, and become the man he used to be, friendly, warm and good to you, you go back, but don't follow him in this game, because you will end up being more ill than he is....
think in your health.you don't have to suffer, no one does.

March 18, 2006
8:25 pm
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nic31
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September 29, 2010
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I believe Caliseth is right. It is not you. He has issues and he is projecting them onto you. Also, don't be so critical of yourself. It is a difficult position to be in but, you have to take care of yourself first, not him first. It also sounds as if he is controlling so be careful. Sometimes it is easier to remember the good times than the bad especially after a break up. An easy question is how do you feel when you are with him? I was in a relationship similar to that and I know how hard it was for me to let go of the man. Everytime I moved on with my life, he would show up again and then my world would be upside down. You are not alone. Many people have been through the same thing. You are a wonderful person and you are making steps to improve the situation and it appears you recognize that soemthing is wrong which is usually the first step.

March 19, 2006
3:49 pm
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Ms.Trust
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September 27, 2010
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Hey E -

I feel your pain. I'm sorry you are hurting and confused! I had to break up a marriage because my manic depressive husband refused to take medications and his condition was getting out of control. I could not help him - he had to help himself. We had other issues, but I think we could have overcome them if he had his condition in control. It was controlling us! It was a hard decision to let go...and I have to say, it took some time for us to both do that - but we did and it was for the best. He was a good guy...but I deserved to be treated better - and so do you!

Also, I had a break up about 30 days ago and I'm having the same feeling as you...just different scenario - except I've had no contact (per my request...and the situation which involves his soon-to-be ex-wife) at all. It's driving me CRAZY! I want to contact him. I miss him so much! He was THE ONE (I've known him since high school - 20+ years ago). I too am thinking of all the good things instead of all the lies and deceit, etc. I feel there is a reason for some of it or I make excuses for the rest. I think the bottom line is if you can't JUST be friends (no sex!) then you need to cut off cold turkey and work on finding a relationship that is much more healthy. I know it's hard...I'm trying to do the same and I feel like a huge failure at it at the moment, but I haven't given up trying. I hope you will not either. Be strong!

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