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I can't believe he called, 2 mos NC
October 27, 2006
1:37 pm
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needtoheal
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I agree with taj... no reason to contact him at all--even for a thank you....

I noticed that after only 5 days of no contact the now ex-b/f sent a text message saying hello, that he misses me, then mentioned that the eggs are now hatching from the last of the batch that we had together (and that he now has) and that the tough part will be finding homes.

That was him trying to keep the connection to me....

HE did the same thing when I stopped talking to him the last time....

He is just trying to lure me back...

and it is not working......

October 27, 2006
1:56 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Something that's been on my mind...I'm not sure if I should return some old pairs of jeans I have of the x-bf. I was working on sewing on some cool patches over the holes, that is when we were together. I could give them to his friend and he could return them to the x-bf, OR I could just not bother unless he asks for them? He may have forgotten about them anyway. As I write this I don't think I'll do anything since this would be some contact and I've been scoring 100% on the NC for 9 weeks now.

Thanks taj for enforcing NC! I need to hear it when I start to weaken.
Good for you needtoheal! Keep up NC, you're doing great!

~V

October 27, 2006
2:02 pm
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needtoheal
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FIRST OF ALL, CONGRATULATIONS FOR 9

WEEKS OF NO CONTACT....

GOOD FOR YOU!

I think that you are absolutely right..

do not return the jeans...

throw them away... no sense having

reminders...

that is what I did.... threw away

pictures of us together --- because

to me it was all an illusion....

I have not talked to him in 6 days --

and I am feeling so much better..

When I think about all the verbal

and emotional abuse, it is good for

me to remember because it only makes

me NOT to even want to be in contact

with him at all... HE does not deserve

anything.... nothing for me to return,

i do not owe him anything at all--

no apologies, no thank you...NOTHING

It is good to hear that you were able

to write down your thoughts first..

that is what I do because sometimes

I can be very reactive, and impulsive

and I have difficulty in pausing

before doing something --especially

when it involved HIM -- the POND SCUM

October 27, 2006
2:31 pm
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StronginHim77
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I would toss those jeans. Ditto photos, CD's...anything that reminds you of him.

He is HISTORY.

GONE.

OVER.

I am proud of you. You are doing great.

- Ma Strong

October 27, 2006
4:42 pm
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VelvetHeart
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Interesting about material things, like photos. He has a shoe box Full of pictures of his ex-wives and girlfriends and cards from them. Almost like his trophies, kind of weird, isn't it? I mean he Hates his last ex-wife, never said a good thing about her but has pictures of her and her cards.

I was thinking today that because he lives in a new town (well since this past Jan.) the women don't know him so he must be in heaven being on the prowl with his pick of 'victims'. Boy, that sounds bitter.

So happy for you needtoheal, that you're feeling better after 6 days! You sound strong and in a good place. 'High 5 girlfriend'! And we know you'll come here especially when you have bad days or moments. I know for me I was a total mess for about 6 weeks, then all of a sudden I didn't feel the pain. People have been saying I look great! Must be because I feel so much relief and freedom.

Hi (((Strong))) The jeans are going in the dumpster! I admire you so much and thank you for always helping, myself and all of us. You're our angel!

Love, Velvet~

October 27, 2006
4:58 pm
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needtoheal
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thanks velvet for supporting my efforts...

I do feel very strong but I know that I will have some very tough days too....

But I am now preparing myself for the next return... I am sure that this is not over (on his part.. I have closed the door)... but I just have this feeling that he will give it another try to lure me back.....

I may have pissed him off by the text message that I sent ... a control issue... about how he turned off his signature on his text messages...and i also asked why.. so that other people that you text do not know your nickname?

then he was mad because he wrote:
no, already i have to defend myself and i will put it back on 4 u"

I am so sorry if I am repeating myself..

THis is the worst time for me ,... the kids are going with their dad for the weekend.. and this is a trigger for when I used to spend so much time with him....

I feel okay right now.. Once the kids leave I am going to work for a few hours... I changed my schedule a few weeks ago because I knew that I would need to keep myself occupied.

thanks for reading and listening to me ramble...

need

October 27, 2006
6:31 pm
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VelvetHeart
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(((need))) You're not rambling, don't ever think that. Reaching out is healthy and we're here to offer comfort and support, always.

So do you have plans when not working over the weekend? Try and make plans to do what you enjoy doing, make plans with friends, attend your place of worship on Sunday, attend CoDA meetings. That is the hard part, filling that void that used to be spent with or speaking with the SO. I always had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach at those times, but eventually that went away and don't even think things like, oh, I would be calling him about now, etc. It really does happen, amazingly so.

That's smart that you're preparing for his next attempt at contact with you. If he's the very charming type it's good to be ready, specially if caught off guard. I think I'll also start preparing better.

~V

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