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i broke up with him. am panicking!!! suzieQ
April 16, 2009
9:20 am
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suzieQ_85
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April 16, 2009
9:50 am
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CAMER
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WOW, suzie...good first step.....yes, you will go thru emotions that is normal.

What are you feeling right now?? beside panick.

April 16, 2009
10:07 am
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atalose
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You've taken a good step in the right direction for yourself.

If you can ride out the panic instead of stopping it, by contacting him, going back. You will see that you are in fact strong enough to stay away from this relationship that doesn't work for you anymore.

And you have a tone of support right here to help you through it.

((Suzy))

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

April 16, 2009
10:49 am
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RobynB
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Just remember that you left this person for a reason. It is your business. No one is allowed to guilt you or shame you into going back. You don't need to tell everyone he was abusive, but you need to stand your ground.

You are better than this relationship. Do you remember what it was like to be excited about life and having a crush on someone new? Think back to high school, middle school, etc. Think about how good it felt to have an awakening and talk all night on the phone or in a car getting to know someone. Think about the excitement of going out with friends and having the world wide open to you. This is what you have without that abuser in your life.

You don't owe him anything. You owe yourself a good, happy life. Just you wait until you meet a good man. Sometimes it will bring tears to your eyes to see how much you let yourself be abused and likewise, when you meet someone who truly lets you be yourself again, it is the most honest and true relief.

Please don't go back. Please give yourself a chance at a beautiful life.

April 16, 2009
11:15 am
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PreciousG
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((((Suzie))))

It will be ok I promsie. You have taken a very brave and courageous step. The world has not ended and will not end if you stay away from him. Just breathe! You can do this.

I realize that it is painful I really do. I know that you are scared and filled with uncertainty. Just take it a minute at time if you have to. Keep posting here. There are so many people here that care and want to help you through this.

I am proud of you. You are doing an excellent job of givng yourself some much needed selfcare.

(((((Suzie)))))

PreciousG

April 16, 2009
4:27 pm
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suzieQ_85
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thank you all.

well it started this week with me seeing him more and more for what he is,

yesterday i was with him and he actually asked me: you dont really like me anymore, do u?
of course i panicked and said: no no of course i do.

later that night he got mad at me because i didnt want to have sex with him.

i was assaulted when i was 15 by my step brother. i have clear lines about NO to sex. so i said no. and no is no.

he thought i was rejecting him so he got mad.

today he called me names again and i said: you knew you had your choice, you knew that calling me names meant i would leave you. youve made your choice. im done.

oh my god

April 16, 2009
4:48 pm
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StronginHim77
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You probably feel scared and sick inside, but you have done the right thing. You said "No." And you have the right to say "no" at any time with NO repercussions.

No one has the right to call you names or put you down for the choices and decisions you make. No one.

You have done a very brave -- and VERY HEALTHY -- thing. It is going against all your inner "programming." That's why you feel so panicky and scared. But we all experience that panic and fear when we finally stick up for ourselves and draw healthy boundaries. It will pass. Keep posting. We are here for you.

- Ma Strong

April 16, 2009
4:58 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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suzieq
I am proud of you. you set a boundary and kept to it!! good for you. you are an example to us all.

April 16, 2009
5:35 pm
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_anonymous
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suzie- You made a choice. A healthy choice. Feeling bad after a break up is perfectly normal. You are going through so much right now. But, we are hear for you. Just keep posting.

April 16, 2009
5:55 pm
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suzieQ_85
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also...relieve

April 16, 2009
6:30 pm
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Zebra
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Hugs to SuzieQ.

Yes relief, I know that one. One day at a time, sometimes minutes, hours and then days. You are strong and you can do it.

Z

April 17, 2009
9:37 am
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RobynB
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Keep it up SuzieQ!

No means no. This is no longer a power struggle because you have left.

He is having trouble accepting this, probably based on the "flip-flop" pattern of many unhealthy relationships.

You have "flipped" - now don't you dare flop back.

Although you have had issues with sexual contact in your past, I want you to imagine a time when you will have a healthy, exciting sex life, with a partner that stimulates not only your mind and body, but also your sense of self-worth. This man exists for you. Do not settle for someone for whom you have lukewarm feelings.

Keep knowing in your heart that a better situation exists for you. We all kiss a lot of frogs before we meet a prince, but you can't meet Mr. Right if you are still stuck on Mr. Right Now.

Sending you big big hugs! If you were here, I'd take you out to the salon, have a girls' day and then head out to show you what the world still has to offer! Quit wasting time on him and get going on you. He can find some other girl with low self esteem to pray on, because you are over it!

April 17, 2009
9:57 am
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PreciousG
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((((SuziQ))))

How are you today? I know that you are hurting and beyond said. Just know that you have done a brave and courageous for yourself. You have been wanting out and you are out. I know that it is scary and you are frightened and uncertain of your future. Your emotions will all calm down and your world will quit spinning when you have worked through some things. How is the search for a therapist going?

Please do not worry that if you speak with I will still be here to speak with you. Iam not going anywhere. If you have contact with him, while I believe it is not in your best interest, I will understand. Sometimes it is all part of the process of letting go.

I think that you speaking up for yourself and saying out loud NO and I am done is HUGE!!!! Please do not fall for the poor pitiful me routine! It si not always about him. This is about you and your wants, needs and your overall sense of WELLBEING! And ya know what Suzie? It is more than ok to take care you and look after you and most importantly PROTECT YOURSELF!

Great job in sticking up for you! You are absolutely 100% NO IFS ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT RIHGT!!!!! NO MEANS NO!!!!!

I am sorry that your step brother assulted you when you were 15 years old. Noone I do not care who you are should ever be assulted. I am truly sorry.

I hope to hear form you soon! You are a doing great. Just remember to breath and give yourself a BIG Hug! 🙂

Love,
PreciousG

April 17, 2009
12:45 pm
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PreciousG
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SuzieQ,

I wanted to let you know that my plan worked and I have another month before I have to move. Go Me!

I met with my therapist yesterday and she wants to see me through the end of May. I was so worried about having to abruptly end our relationship. Just one more in a series of abruptly ended relationship for me. But not this time. PHEW!!!

Thanks for keepin your fingers and toes crossed! IT WORKED!

I hope that you are having a peaceful day.

Thinking of you,

PreciosuG

April 17, 2009
6:52 pm
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suzieQ_85
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oh precious thats awesome news... and im sure you'll find another great one out where your sister lives.

but im really happy that you have this delay so you can keep seeing her for a bit more.

im doing okay. ive found a new therapist going there on wednesday.
talked to my dad tonight. told him everything. that was such a relief.and he didnt judge me!!! he said oh wow, he sounds EXACTLY like your mother./ and that was such an epiphany. He IS exactly like my mother. the calling names, emotional blackmail, always beingh right, guilttrips.

i remembered one time when i was 11 that my sister and i had to write down "im sorry i was born"like a bunch of times. also that she told me, when i wanted to stay at my dad;s after the divorce that when i was 2 yrs old she was going to kill herself. That she went to the traintrack and was about to drive her car onto the track, she didnt because of me so now i couldnt leave her!!!

i was like woooow.

my dad told he that when he left my mother he just knew it was enough, there was no way,he was done, he choose wat was best.

lots of insights for me.

but precious great news. have a wonderful weekend. xoxo

April 17, 2009
9:21 pm
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PreciousG
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Bless your Heart SuzieQ,

From what you have shared thus far about your Mom I thought the two were very similar.

I am so gald that you were able to speak with your Dad and he was able to truly be there for you. That is really awesome Suzie. I feel relief too so I can't imagine the relief and support that you must feel. WOW!

That is just horrible what your Mom made you and your sister write. I am so sorry. ((((Suzie))). Well, I am not one bit sorry that you were born. Noone should have to endure what you have endured from your Mother. I just do not know what else to say except that I am truly sorry.

I am so happy that you will be starting therapy on Wednesday. It will help you so much.

I hope that you have good weekend as well.

Love,

PreciousG

April 18, 2009
9:59 pm
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Anonymous
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I've been through it girl, and it can be Hard! But...ya just gotta try to stay strong!

April 21, 2009
12:45 pm
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PreciousG
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Hey Suzie,

How are you doing? How was your weekend? I have been thinking of you. Please let me know how things are going.

I am busy cleanig, packing, and go through boxes. Yuck! Oh yeah, I sent my ex and e-mail on Saturday asking him if he is willing to talk with me. Still haven't received a reply. Not unusual for him though. He usually takes his time to reply. Who knows? I just have to wait and see I guess? I just knew that if I didn't at least ask that I would regret it forever. So I did. UGH!

I hope you are well. Hope to hear from you soon.

(((Suzie)))

PreciousG

April 22, 2009
3:40 am
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suzieQ_85
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dear precious. im doing ok. i have my first therapy session in an hour. Im looking forward to it because i really am LOST at the moment!!

Yesterday was a nice day though, because of the nice weather we had class outside!! it was so nice, sitting there in a circle, soaking up knowledge. i felt like a hippie!

So its funny because im in the middle of moving as well.. boxes, packing etc.

Are you looking forward to it just a bit?(i know its not your choice to move but maybe starting over could
be liberating) So what do you want to talk about with the ex? have you talked to his mom any more?

have a wonderful day dear precious!!!xoxo

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