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I believe Jimmy is a Narcissist!!
March 2, 2004
3:18 pm
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onmymind
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Marley,
I wish I knew if Jimmy could ever be that guy again. Maybe I do live in a fantasy world wishing he would just wake up one day and it will hit him like a brick that he loves me and want to be with me. Maybe he will when he's 80, who knows...but the main thing is that he and I can't be together, there's just too much hurt feelings beneath the surface to build a solid relationship from. We've both hurt each other so much...it would make the movies and soaps look like a cartoon!! I always wonder why we always end up back as friends. I think there is a part of me he needs, and there is a part of him I need. Sometimes I get tired of questioning my feelings and just want to say screw it...i love him, who cares!!

My husband is perfect. He's dependable, loyal, affectionate, caring and treats me like a queen. He's an amazing father.
He doesn't drink, smoke...no bad habits like that at all.
The thing is...he expects me to be perfect. I'm not. I feel like I have to be mrs perfect. I can't. I tried to be for a long time, then something in me clicked. That's when I met Jimmy.
My husband doesn't like to go out and have fun. He's quite boring. Hates crowds...just likes to stay around the house. I told him once that I would love to go to New York...you would had thought I had said I wanted to kill his mother!! He is also a very jealous man. I remember once at this restaurant he thought I was flirting with the waiter (who was about 10 years younger than I was)...we got into a huge fight about how immature he was acting. I think the guy asked me how my dinner was and I looked at him and said it was really wonderful!! My husband thought i was a little too enthusiastic about it...then started saying mean things about the waiter, and he thought he was gay and dumb stuff like that. That's just one thing i recall right off..
Am i stupid?

March 2, 2004
3:30 pm
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marley
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no, that is funny - my ex (that got married - his name is Josh) he was just like your husband. He was always asking me things like - don't you want to be a better person? and I was always like, Jeez don't you like me the way I am? What is wrong with me that I need to be better?

So I definitely understand the pressure to be Mrs. Perfect, although now that he is gone sometimes I wonder if I could have just stopped being so self-centered for 5 seconds and saw what I was giving up, things might have been a lot different for me.

But I hooked up with Mr. Tile Setter right as Josh was proposing marriage and I think it was my way of running away from a commitment I was ready for and being loved by someone who even though he knew I wasn't perfect wanted to be with me anyway - I couldn't really handle it. So I went for a guy I KNEW was non-committal, who would hurt me, abandon me, use me and at first I am not sure that I cared b/c I was so screwed up about Josh and marriage and everything.

Then I realized I was punishing myself by sticking it out with this guy. Then I fell madly in love with this guy and I have always wondered if it is like a captor-captive kind of thing ... like he was my safety from one bad situation and I was going to hang onto him so I didn't get into another one, except he was another bad situation, so now I am thinking I really NEED to be alone.

So I don't think YOU are crazy. But I think that Jimmy is no good for you and you should accept the fact that who he is is who he is, he will never be anyone else. What that means is that somedays will be great and others will suck. Do you need this in your life - wouldn't it just be better to have everyday be king of nice and pleasant rather than always waiting for the other shoe to drop?

March 2, 2004
4:33 pm
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onmymind
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marley, you are more than right...I know with jimmy it's just a constant minute to minute thing. And I know I'm not what he wants, and I know that he will never love me....so why even waste any time on someone like that? I don't know the answer. At least with you there is a hope that you and tile guy could be together one day. But as far as me and my tile guy...all we could ever have is a friendship....nothing more. But if I stay with my husband...it will always have to be a friendship from a distance....no going out together or anything like that...just a casual lunch or early dinner every blue moon. Is that enough for me?? And is it work the risk? That's what I need to figure out.

March 2, 2004
5:05 pm
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marley
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Annette -

We are more in the same boat than you think. I highly doubt I have a future with the tile guy. He is too erratic in his moods and his abilitiy to commit.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with friendship. I mean your friends are the ones that are there to help you, give you a shoulder to cry on, have fun with, celebrate with. Being friends would be a huge step for you and Jimmy (especially if he could be on back to you!)

March 2, 2004
5:59 pm
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marley
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Annette - have you gone to this website
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmu.....howto.html

it is pretty good.

March 3, 2004
12:10 pm
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onmymind
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Marley, I've been reading that site on and off all morning!! I love it!! Thank you soooo much for sharing it with me!!

Update on Jimmy...
I didn't talk to him at all yesterday, but i noticed this morning he beeped my nextel around 11:30 last night. He played in the poker tournament again last night. I figured he was probably just calling me to tell me how that went.
I didn't call him this morning, i figured I would wait for him to beep me...I knew he just wanted to tell me about poker last night anyway. Sure enough, around 9:30, he beeped me. I called him back...same old conversation. He said he came in 6th out of the 60-something people who played last night...and he didn't get in until 2:30 and he had to be at work this morning at 6am and how tired he is and he was on his way to the QT to get a yohoo and doughnuts and then go back to work. He was just on a break. I just listened, responded to his enthusiasm about poker and then he was back at work, so I told him to have a good day at work and he said he would call me later and we said bye. It's weird...I noticed lately that he's been just saying "later" or just hanging up when I say bye...you know, trying to act cool or just fake...I just laugh. But lately he's been saying bye...like a NORMAL person..haha!! Does your guy ever do that?? It's just funny....He's not this "cool" guy...he studders when he tries to talk to people he doesn't know that he's trying to impress. Like when I took him to the phone place monday, he was asking the girl at the counter about phones...and he does this fake articulation thing and kinda studders a little. It doesn't bother me, but I'm just aware of it when he does it.

When do you go pick tile guy up today?? Are you nervous at all?

March 3, 2004
12:20 pm
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marley
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Don't know when I am picking up the tile guy - waiting for a phone call . . .

I am glad that you and Jimmy are developing a more *normal* relationship as friends. Maybe now things will cool off and you can get back to your OWN life.

I am glad you liked the site!

March 3, 2004
1:29 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Great threads, guys.

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