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I believe Jimmy is a Narcissist!!
February 24, 2004
3:32 pm
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Wanttobewell
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OMG,,,,I pulled up the angelfire site, and was dumbfounded!!! Perfect!

February 24, 2004
3:35 pm
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onmymind
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Marley, you are right...he's thrown stuff in my face many times. He said that the reason why he doesn't tell me some of his personal things and allow me to get "close" (which i don't know what would be more personal than money problems) because I tend to "use them against" him when we fight. The only thing I've really ever done that I can honestly say I regret is confronting his wife while he had his child and seeing her take his son from his arms. That hurt me...and killed him.

It looks like you and both seem to have this "drop everything" problem.
I know Jimmy is off tomorrow...he told me that he is going to try and do this tile installation job and make $300 tomorrow if the tile he ordered for it comes in. But for some stupid reason I'm wishing and hoping that he will call me tomorrow morning and tell me that his tile didn't come in and want to have lunch with me because i haven't seen him in over a month.
My prediction for tomorrow is this...Considering the facts here...1)he's playing poker tonight (which means he will be drinking...a lot) 2) it will be a LATE night for him. 3) He'll probably be slightly hungover..

Considering all that...this is what my prediction is.
He will probably beep me around 10am tomorrow...moaning and complaining about being hung-over. I'll ask him how poker went and about the tile job...he'll tell me all about the poker night...and say the tile hasn't come in yet so he can't do the job today. I'll ask him what he's gonna do then. He'll probably say less as possible considering his hangover. I'll ask him if he feels like eating lunch with me...he'll say he doesn't feel like driving or eating. I'll feel hurt that he doesn't want to see me, but hide those feelings and pretend to understand. Then we'll talk a little bit more...then get off the phone. Then I usually call him back and try to tell him he needs to eat that it will make him feel better. He'll laugh and call me relentless. Usually he'll give in and eat lunch with me.
But I have a dentist appointment tomorrow at noon...wonder if i should cancel just in case he wants to eat lunch with me.
Now Marley....honestly...who sucks more..me or you????
Guess the only difference really is that he and I don't have sex anymore...but that's his choice.
It's almost comical.
So, what are you going to do??

February 24, 2004
3:37 pm
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onmymind
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Wanttobewell,
I'm glad you enjoyed that site...I hope it brought some enlightment to you as well.

February 24, 2004
3:46 pm
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LA Rosa
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Hello onmymind

Just thought you could do with a little reality check - to keep you focused on the reality of your situation......as I see it OK?
Sorry to have to say it - but that'll be what it's all about - HIS NEEDS - and he'll also believe that he is entitled to have them met - in fact, he needs them to be met by YOU - especially if he considers you as being under his spell.....and he is using you. Isn't that just how it should be - TO HIM! (just my opinion - I've lived with one for a year - and was quickly made aware of the reality of the situation - once he had me trapped) If you think he is a narcissist or any kind of manipulative-control freak - get over him FAST and focus your attention on those who can appreciate YOU!

Best wishes & please know there was no offense intended. I am just reminding you & understand how very good they are at pressing the right buttons. They are experts after all!

Love, LA Rosa

February 24, 2004
3:56 pm
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onmymind
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LA Rosa,
Thank you. I am realizing it more and more every day that even though I do things because I am a caring person and only wants to help him, I'm hurting myself and him more than I know. I am struggling, please just pray hard for me to find the strength.
Thanks again!
Love,
Annette

February 24, 2004
4:10 pm
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onmymind,
Being an atheist does'nt mean that one is a narcissist. If I said the reverse thing, thiests would be upset so, please take care of the feelings of atheists too. If he does'nt believe in God, thats his choice.

February 24, 2004
4:11 pm
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onmymind
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Marley,
how could i check it online??

February 24, 2004
4:13 pm
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onmymind
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guest_guest,
I didn't mean all athiest were narcissist, it just said on the web site that not believing that there is anyone better and larger than yourself (such as believing in God) is a quality that some narcissist share.
Sorry If i offended anyone about that. Yes, believing in anything is ones own choice, I agree. Thanks for bringing that to my attention, i hope i cleared it up for you.

February 24, 2004
4:31 pm
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onmymind
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Marley, I went to his banking website but it asks for a user name and id..and I have no idea what that would be...I also called the bank to try and access his account information, but it asks to give the last four digits of your SS#, and I don't know that....oh well, guess I'll never know the truth.

WHERE ARE YOU?? DID U GO PICK HIM UP???

February 24, 2004
4:34 pm
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onmymind
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my dad always said...
"always think the worse,then you're never disapointed"

February 24, 2004
4:51 pm
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onmymind
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Another great thing to read!!!!

http://www.suite101.com/files/.....Quotes.rtf

February 24, 2004
7:53 pm
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marley
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annette -
he comes home in a week, I just had to work!

I am stressing and it is 8 days away!

February 24, 2004
9:22 pm
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marley
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Annette -

By the way thanks again so much for the website, I read it often during the day (to remind myself what a jerk he is ACTUAL guy - even though I am "in love" with PRETEND guy).

If you aren't doing this already, do it. It is very healing, talk to you tomorrow.

Marley

February 24, 2004
10:37 pm
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onmymind, thanks, i got it now. you can check out a website for athiests http://the-brights.net/

>>it just said on the web site that not believing that there is anyone better << Is anyone better than me? well.. everyone has unique qualities. I wouldnt trade myself for anyone.. well, that isnt a useful question anyway. but everyone should be respected. i havent checked out narcissist stuff so i dont know much about that, but i'll check it out.. hmmmm. might be interesting.

February 24, 2004
10:52 pm
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I thought i'll paste this here from the website:
>>> We all possess some aspects of narcissism, behave in ways that we could identify with the narcissist. A person with narcissistic personality disorder will inflict on his victim endless and unrelenting emotional distress. << soo.. i didnt want to read the website.. human personalities have infinite shades and dimensions.. i think its unfair to put a label, unless its.. um.. some material, like a "shop lifter", or "bank robber" (Sorry.. no positive words.. heh). anyway.. i didnt want to judge myself.. i had 15 years of severe negativity from my mother... I'm not going into any possible negativity from *myself*. I know what my life stands for, it stands for doing the right thing and protesting against the wrong stuff. Even if i was a narcissict, i wouldnt care, because i knew my life wasnt wasted :0. hmmmm. Anyone we hate, we could easily label them as a narcissist. Are they really? Well.. I dont think so. Sometimes, a person doesnt click with a certain type of person. They'll admit faults to one kind of person.. but not to another. onmymind, I get you! i think i live my life the same way too.. i'm always prepared for the worst. The bad part is, its like riding in the roller coaster and thinking you might fall. does that mean we're not able to have as much fun as the guy who doesnt think about falling? maybe. >> my dad always said... "always think the worse,then you're never disapointed" << I dont know ur whole story, maybe i didnt read it, but cant you leave your guy? or he ur hubby? what are your plans?

February 25, 2004
2:16 am
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jwt
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Annette, it scares me to ready your posts. It could easily have been something I wrote several months ago.

Yes, it was dumb to give him the money. I don't even want to think about the thousands that Elvira drained from my bank account.

I could say that you are a fool … because it takes one to know one. But, I know how hard it is when someone like Jimmy spins his web of manipulation. You see, narcissists are the world experts at finding your weak spots and using them to get what they want. Their whole game is to keep you off balance and to keep you desperately trying to figure them out. Confusion is their best weapon.

You need to give up the idea of trying to understand him. You will never understand him. He will never allow that to happen because he wants you to keep guessing.

You need to give up the idea of trying to cure him. I don't know if narcissists can be cured. In any case, you need to understand your role as Jimmy sees it. You are not his therapist. You are not someone he sees as nice. You are his narcissistic supply. He has worked hard to refine his manipulative skills and is very proud of them. It must make him feel great to be able to play you like that.

You need to give up the idea that you are helping Jimmy. All you are really doing is reinforcing his belief that he can get away with using people. If you had enough strength to walk away from him, I guarantee you that he would find someone else to use. It wouldn't take him very long to find someone else to take your place. Don't worry about Jimmy.

The truth about Jimmy hasn't yet sunk in for you. You are still in major denial about who he is. I know. I was in the same place for a long long time. But, somewhere deep inside you, the seed of truth has been planted and it will grow. I just hope it doesn't take you as long as it has taken me.

Something else will help you too. You need to start thinking about what caused you to fall into Jimmy's web. What is it about Annette that makes you such an easy target for someone like Jimmy? I'll bet it has something to do with your parents and your childhood. Ladeska helped me understand why Elvira was just a part of the pattern that my parents created when I was a child. Some people call it the inner child. It is buried deep inside you and has a tremendous influence over how you see the world and how you see yourself. And, I'll bet, it has a lot to do with why you chose to become involved and to stay involved with Jimmy. I wish I could help with that journey of self-discovery. Unfortunately, it is way beyond my abilities. In any case, I am still just beginning on that journey myself.

You may not see it yet but you taken the first steps to really help yourself.

February 25, 2004
8:15 am
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onmymind
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I just read all the posts that were written since my last one.

guest_guest,
I don't know you or your story for why you came to this website. But I do know my story and I know Jimmy very well (I've known him for almost 4 years now). When he and I first met we were both married and were looking for something that was missing in our relationships. He and I fell into a very deep emotional affair. He and I couldn't get enough of each other. We were in love (at least I can say I was). Since then, he has gotten a divorce and has become someone who seems to have a "no-care" attitude...emotionally challenged. All he cares about is himself now. That's not the man I fell in love with, but when i am with him and look in his eyes (when he does make eye-contact with me)I still see that man. I think he knows I see through him. He's told me many times (almost as if he's convincing himself) that he has no feelings for me whatsoever. He and I will get into a stupid fight and will tell me never to call him ever again and it will be very dramatic and I cry my eyes out and then within about three weeks...he will make contact and we will start talking again. I've asked him why he does that and he just says he doesn't like to have enemies. Does that sound like a good reason to you??
Anyway....After reading all the qualities that a narcissist could possess, Jimmy has all of them. He's the perfect salesman type, he always wants to be or act "rich" in front of everyone but me and the people who know him for what he really is. He does not have a college education, but he will tell you he is brilliant and make you believe that he is. He actually tells strangers at bars and clubs when he goes out that he is a grad student at a very profound state college studying biomedical engineering (I know this because he told me he does this and thinks it's funny). He is a pathological liar. Most of our large fights have been because I caught him in a lie and brought it to his attention. He just got a new job and every time I talk to him he tells me how much everyone loves him there and all the compliments he's gotten and how much comission he's made that day by makeing someone buy a higher grade of something that they probably didn't need and how stupid some people are.
I could go on and on with all the qualities that I see in him now that relate to a narcissist personality disorder. I don't want to label him, i only wanted to find a reason why he is like this and does these things. I'm not a professional in this field my no means whatsoever, but his ex girlfriend is a psychology major and she has labeled him as a narcissist.
I am trying to decide what I want and need to do about this information I now have. I could just turn my back on him and run, or just be a friend and keep him at a distance from my heart and try to make him a better person. That is what I must decide.

February 25, 2004
8:17 am
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onmymind
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Marley,
phew!! I thought u left to go get him...haha!! I know how it is to try and do this and work, that's what I do also.
I know I'm in love with "PRETEND" guy also.
Dang, he just beeped....be back...

February 25, 2004
8:27 am
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onmymind
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That was quick...
He just told me about his poker night (mentioned how hungover he was and his head was hurting and he thinks he might be getting a cold) and he was about to jump in the shower and go pick up his tile and go do that little tile job and make $300. But he said he just really wanted to tell me how much he appreciated me putting that money in his account yesterday because that check went through last night and cleared. I told him that I was glad I could help and told him to have a good day and be careful and then just said bye. He said he would talk to me later and said bye.

I'm smiling right now....let me have these few minutes before I start feeling like crap again...

February 25, 2004
8:29 am
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onmymind
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jwt,
did it make u happy to give her things and help her out??
Would you call her a narcissist? Do you really think Jimmy is one also?

February 25, 2004
8:33 am
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onmymind
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One of Jimmy's favorite songs is "Freebird". Here are the lyrics...

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me
For I must be traveling on now
There's too many places I've got to see

If I stay here with you girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change

Oh, and the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change

Bye-bye babe, it's been sweet, love
'Though this feeling I can't change
But please don't take this so badly
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame

But if I stay here with you girl
Things just couldn't be the same
'Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change

Oh, and the bird you cannot change
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change
Lord help me I can't change

Oh No, I can't change

I just wonder if this song is a typical favorite for people NPD. What do you think?

February 25, 2004
10:45 am
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onmymind
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well, he called again, not exactly what for this time. We talked for about 15 mins. Maybe he was just bored. He just complained about his head hurting and I laughed and said he wasn't getting any sympathy from me!! I told him to take some asprin and get over it! Then he told me about going to pick the tile up and how bad that place looks and how run-down it looks. Then he told me about the tile job he's going to do...just a small backspash for this lady's in a retirement community. He said he's going to go pick his son up while he lets the tile set and then grout it later today. He's off tomorrow too. His son is spending the night with him tonight and they are just going to hang out at the house tomorrow because the weather is supose to be bad. Anyway...it's nice that he calls...but I'm still confused. I think he's just being nice to me bc of the money...what do u think?

February 25, 2004
12:42 pm
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marley
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Annette -

I don't CARE why he is being nice to you. I actually don't think he is being nice. He is being deprived of attention elsewhere.

Does he set tile? My ex sets tile, he has his own business doing it - he is excellent. I am always so proud of his work - it probably feeds his own narcissism. But it would be funny if all tile setters are narcissists, wouldn't it?

Anyway - please for your own sake don't talk to him anymore. I think he is testing you - to see if you are still clinging to him. He tested you with the money and found you are still there, reliable Annette always there to help him when he is down. What happens when he is up again? He won't talk to you and you will be upset and coming up with pseudo identities in chat rooms to find him.

He is a waste of your time. I know this is probably bad advice coming from a fellow narcissist love, but read Missing the Narcissist, I swear it is the truest thing I ever read. Jimmy is back to being Mr. Pretend, let him play it by himself.

February 25, 2004
1:05 pm
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Marley,
That is weird...yes, he sets tile. He's always been in the tile business. When I first met him he was a tile salesman. He got fired from that job, he said they were cutting back, so then he started his own business setting tile. He did that for less than a year and filed bankruptcy (this was while I was pregnant). Then he went to work for another tile company as a salesman. He worked there for three months and now he works for Lowes in the tile department where he makes commission off of special order tiles and flooring. He installs tile on the side to make extra money. I also do somem tile work myself, just for family and friends. That is something he and I have in common. I actually helped him lay tile in his own house when he bought one, which he has now sold and lives in an apartment. His mother and her boyfriend install tile. That is odd that both our guys do that...very interesting.
I haven't called him once unless he beeped me first. I really wish I could help him see how he is though. I do care about him, and I want him to be a better person for himself and for his son. Why do I always want to help him??

He seems to be back to being "MR. PRETEND" at the moment...but not completely, I still sense the real him when I talk to him. It's just weird that he never asks me how I'm doing...that distubs me...does you ex act like that too??

February 25, 2004
1:25 pm
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onmymind
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Marley,
The ex you are talking about that sets tile is the same one that you are going to pick up at the airport on the 8th, right? Where has he been? Does he install tile out of state? Or is he just coming back to visit you?
How long has it been since you've seen him?

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