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I attract unfaithful types
September 8, 2005
1:11 pm
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July1209
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I am new here. So first I would like to say to myself "welcome". 🙂

I have had a few committed relationships, one of which was a marriage, and all of my partners cheated. I am not sure if it i something I do or don’t do that attracts this. I am feeling really hopeless in thinking that I could ever find someone faithful. I know this is part beating myself up, part blaming myself, but also it is part "HELP I NEED ADVICE".

I want to learn my lesson now before I keep repeating my same mistakes. What makes me so attractive someone who is unfaithful, and what can I do to change me so that I am no longer atractive to them.

September 8, 2005
1:16 pm
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mj
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Do you feel worthy of having faithful partners?

September 8, 2005
1:21 pm
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CAMER
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i agree with the above, never settle for less.....and don't let men manipulate you, abuse you, or put up with any of their disrespectful behavior....sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and never ever settle for less than you deserve.

September 8, 2005
1:25 pm
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exoticflower
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A lot of times we go back to the same dysfunction over and over and over still hoping to correct it, but without the healthy tools to do it. I tend to emotional abuse becasue it was the dysfunction I was raised with...as I have grown to recognize that, I am also learing how to correct the sense of my truth not being good enough within myself rather than having to actively change an abuser and make them love and support me...it just won't work that way and it hurts me and is dangerous. Maybe look way back and see what you hope to get from these relationships? ANd what ways you can give that to yourself instead?

Welcome, btw!

September 8, 2005
1:44 pm
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July1209
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HMMMMMMM! Very good questions to continplate.

I must not think I am worthy, because I do find I accept bad behavior alot. After it happens I tend to take it personally and then down goes my self worth again. I deny, or escuse the bad behavior, so that I don't have to leave them or admit it happened to me. I quess somehow that reflects on my ability to love, and be a good catch so to speak. Like, if I am good in bed or in a relationship they wouldn't need anyone else.

I think I waist all my time on that and probably don't give enough poeple a chance.

Lots to think about. Thank you for the advice.

September 8, 2005
2:09 pm
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Pony
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I attract unfaithful types too. I have been cheated on for over 15 years. many of them long term realtionships, 4 to 7 years long. I just yesterday realized how the inability to experience my emotions, my failure to know what I need, and my never asking for my needs to be fulfilled is what enables their behavior. Even if they love and care for me, I am sending the secret message at all times that my needs as a human being come second to everything else.
I am learning to hold them more responsible, and to express anger, and believe I can ask for more.

September 8, 2005
2:16 pm
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geminismiles
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Sometimes I think we have to experience what we don't want in order to figure out what we do want. Once we learn what we want and how we want to be treated we expect that the rest will "fall into place". Not always the case. The good thing about the bad behaviors we have taught ourselfs we can also unteach ourselves. Setting boundaries would be a good place for you to start. Make a list of what you will not accept, what you will accept and what you would be willing to compromise on. DO NOT COMPROMISE YOURSELF in the process...My two absolute deal breakers: 1) Do not cheat 2)Do not abuse: mentally,emotionally,verbally,sexually or physically. There is no excuse (in my book) for either of those behaviors and I no longer make excuses for those types of behaviors. He cheats, it's over, I'm Done.....NEXT!

September 8, 2005
2:54 pm
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July1209
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I am a child of a child of an alcoholic. I was taught to be anxious, stressed out, overly responsible and VERY CAREFUL. I was the accident in my family and had alot of issues their.

I like deal breaker lists they are really great for keeping myself safe. Although with cheating I do tend to want to break my own deal. I can't help believing I am the reason this happens. Like u=otherwise faithful types date me and need to go elsewhere. It is the "what is wrong with me thounking". I keep fearing that if I just reject those with the red flags and keep looking I will miss the lesson.

Hello, so I keep making the SAME MISTAKE AND EXPECT DIFFERENT RESULTS. :S LOL, I have to laugh at this revelation.

I have to go now. Thanks again to all. Lots of love and blessings.

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