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I am worried my despair and I cannot cope anymore
November 22, 2006
5:02 pm
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doubledilemma
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turnabout, I understand what you are saying, but I feel his rejection of me is like him having shone this huge mirror in my face, it is like him saying:-

1) I do not like obsessives, they are scary people who are over emotional;

2) I don't even like you any more as a person because of these two emails you sent, therefore even if you commit suicide, you are nothing to me

3) I am a success, I went looking for a new life, you just seemed like a desperate loser housewife who perhaps deserved pity and contempt, not friendship

4) You are nothing, my wife left me (3 years ago at the time) and I found all these women, perhaps there is something wrong with you sexually

5) Your emails scare me, therefore you are a scary person who must be ignored and despised

6) You were nothing more than someone interesting from the other side of the world to chat to, but once you became obsessive, I had to tell you exactly how lowly of you I thought of you

7) As he said, "I have no feelings for you, never had and never will" - that is O.K., but what really gets me extremely angry is the turnaround phrase

8) I have no interest in you and never will, so the emails we exchanged were just a waste of time, he regrets the time he spent even composing those emails, that is really nice and sweet, isn't it?

9) Still, God up there is blessing him, I don't know whether he has a new wife and bangs her twice daily, but God up there is shining down on him for some reason...only someone who really has been blessed and has the gift can send an email like the one he did to me!

10) There is no point imagining him being perhaps not as fulfilled as he likes, etc, the fact remains is, men know who they want to get to know and who they want to bed with, he is not stupid, I am sure he has made the right decision for him and has no regrets about anything, because people like that are born leaders, his personality type on the site had him as the "Performer" type based loosely on Myers-Briggs and his profile used to say he was a "glass half full" person, so he knows how to get on with life, forget the mad Aussie bitch and have fun and success too, in fact I even noticed he has got promoted since he cut off communication with me, where as I struggle daily to go to uni, to even get out of bed.

11) I don't enjoy being negative, in fact I used to be quite a caring, warm, nuturing person, not optimistic but the interaction with him has scarred me in so many ways, it has changed my personality and made my very cynical about life, I am sorry to say!

12) C'mon people like that deserve all the success they get, society needs men like him who can bed who they like, dismiss and diss who they like who will be revered for everything, even though they have no degree, life will always be a bowl of cherries to them, do you know why? Because they are WINNERS and everyone of us sorry sucks on here are LOSERS, I REPEAT WE ARE LOSERS...if he knew that I posted on a site like this, I swear he would die laughing!!!!!

GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD FOLKS, EMOTIONAL PEOPLE ARE LOSERS!!

UNEMOTIONAL PEOPLE ARE WINNERS WHO GOD LOVES, BLESSES AND BESTOWS A MULTITUDE OF GIFTS ON, THAT IS THE SECRET, BECOME UNEMOTIONAL, BECOME EXACTLY LIKE HIM, IN FACT MEN SHOULD STUDY TO BE LIKE HIM, HE SHOULD BE THE NEXT PM OF BRITAIN HE IS SO CONFIDENT ABOUT HIMSELF AND SO SURE OF HOW MUCH HE DESPISES ME

EMOTIONAL PEOPLE ARE LOSERS!!

HE IS NOT AN EMOTIONAL MAN, THEREFORE, HE IS NOT AND WILL NEVER BE A LOSER, IT IS ME THAT IS THE LOSER IN HIS EYES AND WHO WILL BE FOREVER MORE, CAN YOU ALL SEE HIM LAUGHING IN HIS CHAIR AT HOW PATHETIC IT IS FOR ME TO STILL BE THINKING ABOUT HIM, WHEN HE COULDN'T CARE IF I LIVE OR DIE?

Thank you

November 22, 2006
5:09 pm
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doubledilemma
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IN FACT MY ONLY REGRET IS THAT I DID NOT IMMEDIATELY REPLY TO HIS EMAIL OF JULY 28, 2005 ABOVE AND GIVE HIM THE NAME OF MY LOCAL POLICE STATION HERE IN THE SUBURB OF SYDNEY I LIVE IN, THAT IS MY ONLY REGRET, I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN HIM THE PHONE NUMBER!!

WHY DOES GOD BLESS PEOPLE WHO CAUSE PAIN IN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES?

WHY DOES GOD BLESS AND BESTOW GOOD THINGS ON PEOPLE WHO CAUSE PAIN IN OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES?

I DID NOT WANT TO CAUSE PAIN IN HIS LIFE, YET HE CAUSED ME PAIN AND WHAT DOES GOD DO, BUT JUST BLESS HIM AND THROUGH THE EMAIL, GOD IS TELLING ME EXACTLY HOW MUCH HE HAS BLESSED HIM

CAN'T YOU SEE HOW THE EMAIL READS, IT IS SAYS YOU ARE A PATHETIC LOSER, I HAVE A NEW WIFE WHO I F**K AND I DON'T NEED YOU OR YOUR FRIENDSHIP, YOU PATHETIC MAD AUSSIE COW, YOU GO TO HELL, YOU SAD, PATHETIC OBSESSIVE BITCH, I REGRET THE FIRST TIME I EVER EMAILED YOU, YOU UGLY, PATHETIC, CYBERSTALKING BITCH...NOW WHY DID HE HAVE TO BE POLITE IN HIS OH-SO-BRITISH WAY?

WHY COULDN'T HE TELL THE F**KIN' TRUTH AS IT REALLY IS IN THAT EMAIL?

WHY, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO APPEASE GOD, WHY IS GOD SUCH A BASTARD TO ME AND WHO JUST LOVES HIM SO MUCH???

November 22, 2006
5:11 pm
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southgoingzax
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Um,

I have to say this: I am not a loser. And the people who post here are not losers. Emotional people are not losers. The people who post here are generally kind, compassionate, loving human beings. Full of emotion. And that is a great and wonderful thing.

November 22, 2006
5:17 pm
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artist 2
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Try Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous. I'm dead serious. They can help you, but you must commit to helping yourself. Obviously you're in pain because of your obsession. This group will help.

November 22, 2006
5:24 pm
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healintime
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Hi Doubledilemma,

You are obviously in a lot of pain. I'm really sorry for that and I hope that you get some good support and that the therapist you see next week works out for you.

You've asked repeatedly about what God's motivations are - and have posted an awful lot about what the man you have feelings for is thinking, doing, and where he is in his life right now. DD - you don't know him. At all. Six emails and two conversations isn't even a friendship. You can drive yourself into a serious breakdown by continuing to imagine where he is, what he's doing and who he's doing it with.

More importantly - in the last day you have managed to deeply, and seriously offend some people. Suggesting suicide on a site where people are often in complete despair is not okay - no matter what you're going through. It crosses some major boundaries. Asking why God is "punishing you" won't get you very far, honey. Taking a look at your behavior and how it impacts on you, and the people you come into contact with - is a much better way to take control of your life and yourself. There are things that you -can- control. Making huge, sweeping statements about suicide being a way to get our loved ones' attention and emotional people being losers is among them.

This site is generally unbelievably supportive, caring, and thoughtful. the support is there for you - people will be there for you. But it's hard for people to help you if you divert from the core issues by being hurtful/harmful.

H.

November 22, 2006
6:06 pm
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sooooooooo ..... DD ... "lady DD" ... what is this rage and anger of you - REALLY - about ... I mean, stripped down to its "core" ... self-loathing ... self-hate ... a compulsive need to demean yourself ... come ooooonnn ... GET IT OUT ... once and for all ... live ... or ... die ...

ALL people have emotions
because they are human
basically -

u think you´ll get your "rise" when you hear us say : "umm .. yes, you ARE nothing but the biggest loser on this planet" ... you´re sure you´ll finally feel satisfied (gratified?) when all of us here on this board - not only that UK "bang-bang" guy - (externally) validate "who" you are in a negative and - probably also - destructive way ?

sure - you´re right
nobody cares - not even "YOU"
nobody is capable of understanding - not even "YOU"
who knows - God may have chosen "YOU" ... only you ... to be weighed down and burdened by this extraordinary misery and suffering.
yes - life is an ordeal - your life in particular ... whom can ever convince you otherwise ? ... nobody can ... so just cave in and wallow in self-pity and self-loathing ... that´s what you do best, don´t you ?

like ~ turnabout ~ said (very powerful and helpful post - a true gift especially to people who need to track down and filter out some "sick" - self-denying - "elements" in their personal thinking and behaving I think)... : when r u going to give VALUE to you ... what it means to be "you" .....

November 22, 2006
6:31 pm
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StronginHim77
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double -

I think you should seek out professional medical support. Your difficulties and thoughts are beyond anything I could address on these threads.

November 22, 2006
6:41 pm
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turnabout
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dd, even if by some remote chance that man does think any of those things about you, why do YOU choose to believe those things? We don't have to accept what other people believe as the truth, but you're hell-bent on it... and hell-bent on proving it to all of us.

By the same note, WE don't have to believe all the scathing things you say he thinks of you or what you say his behavior proves about you, and I, for one, am choosing not to.

I don't suggest you imagine him unfulfilled. That, actually, wouldn't be any more productive than all the daydreams you're having about him living a happy and satisfying life. I suggest that you STOP trying to fill in the gaps of what you don't know with any daydreams and imaginings AT ALL. You don't know if he ever talks about you. You don't know if he ever thinks about you. You don't know WHAT he thinks about you if, in fact, he does. You don't know if he's happy or getting what he wants out of life. You don't know if he's being blessed, and if he is prospering at all, you don't know if that comes from God. You just don't know. All this you keep saying about what he thinks and how his life is going is all just speculation and a waste of your time. You'll never figure out what he really thinks. You'll never know how he really feels in his life. There's simply no way for you to know. Give yourself a break from the self-torture, okay? All of those thoughts are just pointless.

Why is it so important to you for us to believe or "accept" that we are LOSERS? What does that mean to you? Are you so desperate for us to validate your opinion that YOU are a loser?

Sorry, I can't do that. I'm afraid I've seen too much to fall for that line of malarky. And he or anyone can laugh at me for being on this site all they want. I get what I want out of this place, and I get to give something in return. Why should I care what they think? If getting what I want by being here makes me a LOSER, then by all means I'll wear that title with pride. Give me the sash and tiara to match. It would just tickle me pink. I'll cry tears of gratitude as I carry my roses and give a royal wave down the runway.

I see how the e-mail reads. It didn't say any of the things you want to believe it says. I can't validate your poor opinion of yourself there, either. I see YOU saying all those terrible things about yourself. I don't see anyone else doing it, not even him.

And now he isn't saying anything to you at all. It's been a year since he sent that e-mail, and you've spent all this time imagining what he must be saying about you ... to you ..., but HE hasn't been saying anything TO you at all in all that time. YOU are the one saying it, putting words in his mouth based on your own self-debasement. I don't know what he thinks and can't presume ... WON'T presume to know. I suggest that you stop presuming as well. You're running in circles, wearing yourself out, and getting nowhere. Aren't you tired of this yet? Don't you want to try something new?

November 22, 2006
8:00 pm
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doubledilemma
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You don't understand, yes I want to have a BREAKDOWN, I want him to know what he did and how he IT MADE ME FEEL THAT HE COULD NOT FORGIVE me for being obsessed about him has ruined me in every way, he doesn't want to know and he knows that is killing me and that is why I hate him so much, because he wants me to suffer, he wants me to die, but I would love to show him what suffering is really about, in case he hasn't experienced it, because he obviously hasn't but my hands are tied, he doesn't want to know about me and if I contact him, he will call the police in the UK and Australia and then I WILL really kill myself because that will be the final straw and the final humiliation that this absolute bastard, this scum of humanity who I hope dies and is stricken with some disease gets in the end, because that is no more than what he deserves and what men who hurt women deserve...I asked him, I begged the bastard to forgive me because I had bipolar, I begged the bastard to understand in the emails I sent to him Last November, even in July last year I enquired about how he was, I asked whether he knew anyone in the London Bombings, I begged for his friendship, his friendship would have been enough, I begged for understanding, for tolerance, I begged to be forgiven for sending the obsessive email, I tried to contact him via the Irish lady he had sex with in London, I tried my best, I tried my best, but got nothing, I got nothing, I will never get nothing, He gets everything, he gets to diss me and God gives him everything, a new wife maybe, if not plenty of women to fuck and me to forget and break her heart and lose my hope and dreams forever...In fact as soon as he finished the phone call with Karolyn, I immediately sent him an email saying to him "thank you for destroying my hopes and dreams" and what came back but a hotmail with "Leave Me Alone" in the subject title, now how would you feel if you received something like that? How would you feel if you were nothing but a keystroke who could just be dismissed and then I would find his profile on a UK site a month or so ago, does that mean he got married and it ended, or the profile is out of date, or that he was lying?

I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM, HONESTLY, I AM THROUGH CARING ABOUT HIM, I AM TOO ANGRY AT MYSELF MAINLY TO CARE ABOUT HIM AND WHO HE FUCKS OR WHAT HE DOES, BUT I WOULD HAVE LIKED HIM TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN HE HAS CAUSED ME

I WANT HIM TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN AND SUFFERING HE HAS CAUSED ME

HE CAN BE HAPPY, HE CAN FUCK OR MARRY OR MARRY AND FUCK WHO HE CHOOSES, BUT IT IS THE WORK OF THE DEVIL THAT MADE ME CONTACT THIS MAN AND FOR IT TO HAVE ENDED THIS WAY - IT DOES NOT END FOR OTHER PEOPLE IN THIS WAY, DOES IT? AT LEAST THEY GET TO KEEP SOME FRIENDSHIP WITH THEIR FORMER BASTARDS, DON'T THEY?

OTHER PEOPLE GET UNDERSTANDING, THEY GET A FRIENDSHIP OUT OF IT, I GOT NOTHING BUT TEARS AND DEPRESSION FROM HIM AND I GAVE SO MUCH TO HIM, I SENT HIM PHOTOS, I WOULD RESEARCH THINGS FOR HIM, I WOULD HANG OUT FOR HIS EMAILS, I DON'T CARE, BUT HOW CAN HE LIVE THE REST OF HIS LIFE OBLIVIOUS TO THE PAIN I HAVE AS A RESULT OF HIS ACTIONS?

HOW CAN HE LIVE THE REST OF HIS LIFE COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS TO THE PAIN HE HAS CAUSED ME AND EVEN IF HE KNEW, HAVE NO CONCERN OR SHOW NO REMORSE? EVEN A CRIMINAL SHOWS REMORSE!! HOW CAN GOD LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THIS, WITH NOT KNOWING WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH, NOT SINCE JULY, BUT FEBRUARY, WHEN AFTER HE SENT ME HIS INITIAL "BETTER NOT TO CORRESPOND ANYMORE EMAIL" I FELT SO LOW AFTERWARDS THAT I WOULD REGULARLY RISK MY SAFETY BECAUSE HE MADE ME FEEL SO UNWANTED, MY HUSBAND HAD REJECTED ME SEXUALLY, HE CUT OFF MY MONEY, I FELT SO REJECTED BY THIS MAN AND SO CONFUSED THAT I WOULD PICK UP MEN OFF THE STREET AND HAVE SEX WITH THEM FOR NOTHING AT TIMES, AT KINGS CROSS, I WOULD BE LIKE A PROSTITUTE, I DIDN'T CARE WHETHER I WOULD GET BASHED UP FOR UNDERCUTTING THE OTHER GIRLS,

I LOST MY MIND BECAUSE OF THIS BASTARD AND MY OWN MISTAKE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND, I LOST MY MIND LAST YEAR, I LOST MY HOPE, I WILL NEVER HAVE THE MARRIAGE HE HAS, I WILL NEVER HAVE THE BABIES HE WILL HAVE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

OR WHEN I HAD A MAN CHASE ME UP FOR $50 THAT HE GAVE ME, EVEN AFTER I REPEATEDLY HAD SEX WITH HIM AND HE WAS AWFUL. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TRAUMA I HAVE BEEN THROUGH LAST YEAR? DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT IT LIKE WHEN THE CHEMICALS IN YOUR HEAD MAKE YOU GET OUT OF BED IN THE NIGHT AND FIND MEN TO HAVE SEX WITH ON THE STREET AND ABUSE ME

AND ALL BECAUSE OF HIM, BECAUSE HE COULD NOT BEAR TO SHOW A SHRED OF FORGIVENESS FOR ME BEING OBSESSED WITH HIM, DOES HE KNOW I SPENT FOUR MONTHS IN BED LAST YEAR, ALMOST TO BE ADMITTED TO A PSYCHIATRIC UNIT - BECAUSE I TOLD THE IRISH CUNT ABOUT THAT IN MY EMAIL, BUT THE IRISH CUNT ONLY SAID TO ME "OH, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TO FIND HAPPINESS" YEAH, RIGHT,..AND I HAD TO FEEL SORRY FOR THAT BITCH BECAUSE HER HUSBAND HAD A GAMBLING PROBLEM AND SHE LOST HER HOUSE? YEAH RIGHT, THAT WAS REAL SUPPORT FROM A WOMAN WHO FUCKED HIM, THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED FROM A "SISTER", TO HAVE SOME IRISH CUNT TELL ME SHE WOULD PRAY FOR ME TO FIND HAPPINESS, HOW FUCKING FANTASTIC AND LUCKY OF ME TO BE FED THAT SCRAP FROM HER!!!

But regardless of it all, I really hate myself, I hate myself for obsessing about him, I told the Irish woman it was wrong, I know it was wrong, but I saw it as an attempt to get happiness, I wanted to be married to a gorgeous husband who desired me, who wanted to have children with me and I could see that potential in him, I could feel it, I could imagine it..even though I knew in reality it was only a dream and I could never hurt my husband...perhaps this man knew, he knew he had no future with me, he knew I would not leave my husband in Australia to be with a man in the UK, but don't you see, my dream is lost, I am 41 next year, the sex and the babies are not going to happen with my husband, it is too much, I have to grieve both the loss of a dream as well as they way he chose to end things with me, it is just too much loss at once, to see my dreams, my youth fade, the career I cannot have due to being unwell, I lost all of this at the same time, don't you all see, at the same time as losing him, I lost all of my hope and dreams for my future, do you see that please?

November 23, 2006
1:51 am
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mamacinnamon
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DD:

Honey, why hate yourself? Folks make mistakes; you made a mistake. What will it take for you to move on and let this go? May I please recommend the book When Forgiveness Doesn't Make Sense by Roert Jeffries. I truly think this could be of some help. The Dance of Anger (cannot remember the author) is another book that I highly recommend.

I truly would love to see you pick yourself up and move on and find DD. You so deserve this. You posted to Jigs. I'd like to see you follow thru w/ what you wrote.

(((holding you close ))))

November 23, 2006
2:07 am
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turnabout
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You wanted to share a connection with someone, dd. There's nothing wrong with that. We all want to feel connected to someone. We all long for it and ache in the absence of it. I'm sorry you didn't and don't feel that you have that with your husband. I'm sorry that you reached out to someone and had it denied to you. Maybe you messed up going to that site, and maybe you messed up by putting any trust in this guy. Maybe you messed up by acting obsessively toward him, but it's okay. We mess up. Me. You. The UK guy. His lovers. Anyone and Everyone. We all mess up. You're not a bad person for messing up. You're human. Aren't you lucky? You get to be just like everyone else in this way.

I'm sorry that you feel you've lost some life dreams because of all this. It may be time to grieve the closing of some doors to those dreams. Do you think maybe you sensed this grief was coming anyway and you got involved with this site and with the UK guy as a last ditch effort to avoid this grief? It is just as legitimate to grieve losing a dream as it is to grieve losing a person. And you really need to give yourself permission to grieve. You especially need this because it's through grieving what you've lost that you will be able to see how some dreams may change shape. It's through grieving that you eventually open up to what is possible, but you have to grieve first. You have to grieve before you can get new dreams, maybe even better dreams, to replace the old.

And I'm sorry that you can't get the forgiveness you need where you're looking for it. I know you need it. I know it's tearing you up not having it. But I am most sorry to see you beat yourself up so mercilessly. The most unfortunate thing about this whole ordeal you've been going through, I think, is how mean and unforgiving you are with yourself. Can you find a way of forgiving yourself for obsessing over the UK guy and doing obsessive things? Can you forgive yourself for looking outside your marriage for fulfillment? Can you forgive yourself for treating sex and commitment irresponsibly?

Can you forgive yourself for screwing up? Can you apologize to YOURSELF for messing up? You've already tried apologizing to him, and no, it didn't work. So now what? Can you apologize to yourself now? Don't you deserve an apology for letting yourself down? Can you then forgive yourself? Can you even see it as a possibility?

I really wish you could. I really hope you'll try.

November 23, 2006
8:41 am
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taj64
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DD your pieces are all on the floor. But you do have strength and hope somewhere. No man is worth destroying your life over, especially this man. It is not fair that he did not care for you the way you cared about him. And you said you did not care but you do care or otherwise you would not have put all this effort and drama in your life for some man you barely know. You can pick up the pieces and maybe your dream did die with this man but you can have another dream. You do go on and getting old is part of life. Accepting that this man doesn't return your feelings, accepting that you have no control over this obsession and let this fade with time will help you. Im sorry for your pain and losses. I hope you pursue another dream, one that will bring you peace and happiness. And most of all I hope you can learn to love yourself.

November 23, 2006
8:19 pm
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doubledilemma
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Thank you for your wonderful and kind comments above....reading them and the truth of the pain which you all seem to see so well is so painful that I almost feel like I am having some kind of little seizure in my arms it is that powerful...I don't know why I am so harsh on myself regarding this, I think it is because even though the Irish woman (who is NOT really a c**t, but just a very liberated, independent and sexually confident woman who was persistent enough to have chased HIM and succeed) and while she believed she did wrong, she was forgiven, she was kept as a friend before he met me online...So what I did was much worse than her that it caused him to sever the correspondence, so that reflects I am a bad person, because only a bad person would get treated this way, O.K.?

If I was an O.K., human being, he would have been able to see it and think, yeah, she is a bit loopy and forgiven me, but his inability or decision not to, reflects very unfavourably on me as a person...Even when I used to work and I would storm out of the office out in anger at some decision by my manager, or my supervisor, she still talked to me, I think she still forgave me after I left that place of employment, but wondered about my mental health, I guess, because I did not wish to leave their with her thinking badly of me and I was nice to her afterwards, even though I think she knew I had regretted the fact we had been through some rough times.

But HE (Mr UK) didn't even know me and could not forgive me, now what kind of person does that make me? I would think that this situation where someone has to cut you off like that is highly unusual. Yes, I scared him, but what could I really do from Australia? I have never rung his work number or used his work email, both in the U.K. Nor do I incessantly look at his work website anymore. I have not pestered him since 28 July 2005, with the exception of the two November emails sent last year and pestering the Irish lady a bit then and earlier this year, but she was strong enough to resist me too.

Anyway, I wish someone could erase all the disgustingly foul language I used in my posts above, I don't like using foul language, but unfortunately, I hadn't eaten much in the last two days during the day when I have spent most the time since Monday in front of the computer and I guess I get a bit delusionally angry when I get a bit hypoglycaemic, I dunno. I am know also a bit agoraphobic but managed to go out last night to a concert, fighting tears along the way. I wish someone could erase what I wrote on Santoro's thread too, as it is rather awful.

Anyway, (Mr UK) his life will be happy, I have to convince myself his life is happy so I can tell myself daily that I have no part in his life, that is just another coping strategy I have to do to cope with him. I have to think that if I am angry about him being happy then I have to stop and think that No, that is what God wishes him to be, so that is another way I can cope with it too. I have to think that others get to have all this sex and intimacy and I think, NO, God, wants them to have this and not me, for some reason. In fact, funny how God doesn't give you the things you want, he seems to make sure in an almost sadistic way, that you do NOT get what you want, but I will have to figure out why! The ones that want health so much in this cruel life, don't get health, the ones who want to be rich are poor, etc.

I don't wish him or the Irish lady or anyone else he loves or has made love to any harm, nor do I think of them as just sexual acts or as only their genitalia at all. I am mystified why God has blessed him continually, but then that is what God does and we do not know why.

Thank you for your wonderful posts and the time you have spent replying is so precious to me. I won't say "Bless You", but I will Bless you all instead!!!

G. xoxo

November 23, 2006
8:23 pm
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doubledilemma
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mamacinnamon, thank you for suggesting the books, I have so many books related to what I am experiencing and I must own the largest self-help library in Australia, but you think I would have had the wisdom to know what I did nearly two years ago!!

I think I have the "Dance of Anger", not that great a book and I was going to get it for my NZ friend (the one who called him in the UK on my behalf, to help her, as I was so grateful to her for calling him and I tried to repay her several times, but she is gone now too), but I will check out the forgiveness one. Thank You.

Today I must really make an effort to take my medication...it is five days now I have been without it, but I am sad, years ago I didn't need all this stuff.

Thank you, I don't know how I am going to thank all the posters individually!!!

November 23, 2006
11:33 pm
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mamacinnamon
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You don't have to thank all individual. Just say I thank ya'll..... We are here for you and we don't require or ask for thanks. You getting better is thanks enough.

Honey, if you've been off your meds for 5 days then it's no wonder your a mess. Your body is screamin for those meds.

I've got to go for tonight but lets talk tomorrow.

November 24, 2006
9:00 am
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taj64
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You might not WANT to take that medicine but do so for your own benefit. When you go off medicine this way, you suffer. It is withdrawal. It is no good to suffer this way. Don't punish yourself this way. Don't think you are bad person. You are not. We cannot control the world, what others think. Think about yourself, what you can do for you at least for today. Take the medicine and see if it does not get you back on track. Treat yourself self better than this. Your body needs it and so does your mind. Take care.

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