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I am trying to get over this..and I'm just having such a hard time today...Soul
August 26, 2006
3:00 pm
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Soulsister
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Hey girls..

Not doing good today. Not at all. I am down..and just tired of everything. I feel like I work my ass off all the time..and still am always broke..I overdrew my account last night..makes me want to throw up. To wake up to no money..and I just feel like every time I try to get on my feet, something bad happens..and I fall down again.

I layed down last night..and cried..I just hate being alone..and I texted Mr 22, which I really don't care. I needed to get things off of my chest..and I texted that I knew he wouldn't talk to me..I didn't want him too, I just needed to say how i was feeling to someone and knew he had to listen..he didn't have to respond.

I decided two things...last night, after I sent him the text. First reason this hurts so bad this time..is it's really over. The first goodbye..there was still a maybe, to him contacting me when he got back. There was a little bit of hope there. Now there isn't, so now it's hit me..that I'm alone. That I don't have him anymore..or anyone. 2nd reason, is B..Mr 22 was there for me when I found out what his sentance was. I think, I could put it in the back of my mind..because I had this other person who cared about me..to get me by..and now I don't have him..to help me through it! Having to really "feel" everything, and not wanting to. Not having mr 22, to tell me I deserve better..and that I'm beautiful and a good person..it just really helped me to hear all of that. Now, I'm just sitting here..alone...crying, feeling of no worth..to anyone.

In my text..I told him..I felt like I lost my best friend..and told him that the day he sent the last goodbye text..B had written me that letter promising he would marry me someday..and that somehow..after everthing with him (mr 22) and his marriage..etc..B saying the first thing he's ever said about marriage in 5 years..somehow, seemed ironic..

I want to move on so bad..and I'm just stuck..in this spot..and can't move..I don't know..I need soemthing to help me..and I don't know what it is I need..or how to get it..all I can do is cry....and wonder if I will ever be happy...

Lost...Soulsister

August 26, 2006
3:54 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Soul:

I don't know why but I think we gals were programmed to believe that we must have someone to be somebody. Make sense? It is so not true.

I'm sure you've been thru Codependent No More. Can anyone suggest a good book on the virtues of not having a man in your life?

I can give you some off the top of my head, but it won't help.

You need to get it into your head that you don't need a man to bd ok. You can be just fine on your own. Then when you least expect it you will find mr. right.

Chin up chickie.

August 26, 2006
8:06 pm
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doubleloss
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hello soul. cry all you need to. sometimes that is all we can do. but then we need to get up again and continue on. i agree with mamacinnamon, we don't need a man to be complete. we are complete as we are, all the answers are inside. for me it is good to feel the pain, i'm still struggling a lot, that's the truth. life IS a rollercoaster, we might as well enjoy the ride, scream and cry when we need to and smile and enjoy when all is well.
hope you are having a better day. i think that we are loved.

August 26, 2006
8:14 pm
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Soulsister
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Thanx mamac..and Doubleloss..

The little asshole..sent me a text just a minute ago..saying "these texts have got to stop. We're over"

I went bolistic. FUcking asshole. I sent one back..that I knew that..and he didn't have to be mean..and to Fuck off. He was one who came to my house..and contacted me..to f off for being an incensative asshole.

He calls me and starts asking me what the f. I told him I was only telling him how I felt..and why was he being such a f-n dick. I ended up telling him..that the way he was acting just showed what bullshit..the whole thing was.

Now, I'm mad..and hurt..but really fucking mad. He deserves the stupid miserable life he's married into. AAAHHH! I hope he worries..and wonders if I'm going to contact her..since he was being such an asshole. I hope the little using asshole...pukes..and pukes..and pukes..and can't stop..from all the worry!!

Ok...I feel a little better now.

Sorry about that..I was on the edge fo psycho there...I just can't believe he was SO MEAN!!

Soul

August 26, 2006
8:30 pm
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expressgirl
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((((((SOUL)))))))))

I am so sorry you are oging through this. I know it seems like it will take forever to be albe to let go and move on, but it will happen slowly as you are ready.

We are all here for you.

Wishing you all the best.
love,
EG

August 26, 2006
9:15 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Soul:

Are you attending the NO CONTACT thread? lol - attending. I don't know what word to use there. Sorry.

Honey, read this. NO CONTACT

You have got to stop and move on honey. Yes, he contacted you first, but you are playin his games. Walk away honey. Have you ever heard the song Walk Away by Kelly Clarkson? It just came to mind. Shows you how you DON"T want him.

Here's part of the song...I want a love, I want a fire, To feel the burn, My desires, I want a man by my side, Not a boy who runs and hides, Are you going to fight for me, Die for me, Live and breathe for me, Do you care for me, Cause if you don't then just leave.

Soul this is what you want and he sure isn't it. When you miss him read these words and remember he just isn't it.

((((( SOUL )))))

August 26, 2006
9:28 pm
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Soulsister
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Ooohhhhhh MamaC....Yes, I have that cd..and you are soooooooo right. I just feel so stupid for falling for it all. I wished he'd never showed up again..Now, I'm left feeling like such a fool....

THank you Mamac..so very much..(((hugs)))

And thank you Expressgirl..for the hug..I really needed it..(((hugs))) back to you..girly..

August 26, 2006
10:34 pm
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expressgirl
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Soul,
I can soooo relate to your feelings of feeling stupid for falling for it all and wishing they never showed up again.

I got conned by a con-artist. I think at some point we all go through that.
Live and learn I guess! (I sure hope so anyway).

It's only been 2 days since I found out that my ex-bf was seeing/professing his love for his ex-wife while together with me. I fell for all of the stories he spun me and when he left me and came back I always took him back and accepted the excuses, but now I know the truth and I feel like the biggest fool in the world. What sucks the most is that I work with him and have to face him and everyone else at work that knows we were together.

Hang in there Soul, you are not alone. We just need to pick better partners and have more self-respect to know we deserve the best and nothing less.

EG

August 26, 2006
10:46 pm
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sdesigns
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Soul: EG is absolutely right- time to pick better partners. You need to do the picking- and girlfriend- may I say - you need to raise the bar- way way up. No more of these unavailable men! See a pattern here??? Mr 22 engaged, then married. B is incarcerated, hinting at marriage in 5 years no less. Soul- the change is within your power. The change is up to you. You don't have to get involved w/ anyone that just happens along. You can pick and choose- set your parameters- and stick to them. Figure out what it is you really want in someone.

But first- I think you have to make yourself emotionally available, and right now you're not. You're flipping and flopping all over the place, seeing who's going to turn up.

I think you need to spend some time without a guy and get all of this out of your system.

You were relying on Mr 22 to help you get over B. And now you're looking for someone to help you get over Mr 22- including Mr 22. Its not going to happen overnight, but I think its time to have a little heart to heart with yourself. Maybe talk to someone professionally to get on track and understand why you're doing what you're doing.

((((Soul))))

SD

August 27, 2006
12:03 am
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Soulsister
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Express girl..and Sd..

FIrst of all, EG..I'm sorry for you having to go through that. Ouch..that must hurt. You didn't set yourself up for it..like I did. Not with B..but with Mr 22. I new after about a week what I was getting into. DUH...SOUL! EG..I think I read a little more about what happened to you on another thread..I'm sorry ..thank god for AAC..and all the wonderful people and friends here..eh? (((Expressgirl)))

SD...hey baby..how are you. I've been having a hard time keeping up on the Darn thread..I get a little self absorbed..and can't focus on anything else. It's so true..and kinda funny, when you said I was relying on Mr 22 to get me over Mr 22..lol..YUP! You are right. My last wrods were..I know know...this was all bullshit! and hung up. I hope he worries..over what I may do. I didn't deserve for him to treat me like shit..

Funny, my girlfrined wants me to go out tonight..and she is with his Aunt. Which, would keep me from talking about him. I want to go..so bad..but have no sitter. 🙁

Love you guys...Soulsister

August 27, 2006
10:46 pm
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1lost1
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((((Soul))))

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